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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Being an Ally for New Guy

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Author Topic: Being an Ally for New Guy
Singing365
Neophyte
Member # 42932

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Hi, I'd love some advice:

I'm a hetero, cis woman who's recently begun a relationship (my first ever!!) with an awesome guy, who happens to be bisexual. We're both sophomores in college, and I've known him since last year, but we've just expressed our feelings for each other within the past few days.
I think I've made it pretty clear I'm more than cool with his orientation: we've even discussed the physical attractiveness of various men. I've just been wondering whether there's anything more I could or should be doing to support him. We go to a pretty conservative school, and I know many people label him as being "flamboyant" based on the way he chooses to express himself. Basically, I want to be able to stand up for him and be there for him if the need arises.
I'd also appreciate any advice you have to give on dating someone much more experienced than you, in general; he's had several relationships, while this is my first.

Your help would be greatly appreciated! [Smile]

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Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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Hi Singing,

Glad to hear you are your new guy are both comfortable with his bisexuality. As someone who is a straight partner to a member of the LGBT community, I have to main pieces of advice. Being supportive of him, how he chooses to express himself and his sexuality, is probably the most important thing you can do for him. It's something to do for any partner, but being bi means who may encounter challenges that a straight partner wouldn't.

My second piece of advice is to just talk to him directly about how you can best support him. For instance, if you hear people making disparaging comments about his "flamboyance," is he comfortable with your speaking up on his behalf. Is he ok with you being the one to mention his bisexuality to people, who would he prefer to let them know himself (or not at all)? If you like, I can also give you some resources on being an ally in general.

As to your second question, I wouldn't stress too much about dating someone who is more experienced than you. Think of it this way: he's been in relationships before, but he's never been in a relationship with you before. So, just as you're learning the ins and outs of dating him, he's learning the same things about you.

Does that help?

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Singing365
Neophyte
Member # 42932

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That helps a lot, thanks for your response!

He's pretty open about his bisexuality; he was out when he came to school Freshman year. But I'd definitely be interested in those resources, if you have them handy. And I'll definitely talk to him about it, too.

And I hadn't thought of it that way, thanks!

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Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
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My pleasure, glad you found it helpful.

Straight for Equality is a good place to start for resources.
http://www.scarleteen.com/resource/gaydar/straight_for_equality.

If you have any other questions, we're always happy to answer them

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Singing365
Neophyte
Member # 42932

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Thanks a bunch!!! [Smile]
Posts: 14 | From: US | Registered: Jun 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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