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Author Topic: Possible Cheating Girlfriend
Angelica Maria
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Member # 96266

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I am emotionally constipated. This is where it started. Just this past week, my girlfriend gave me her login to her facebook. She's been acting strange lately so I looked into her facebook. Today, I looked in her email account. She has signed up for a lesbian dating site. Just recently she did it said! She faked her age and her relationship status and said that she's single. We've been together for 11 months now. We've talked about marriage so many times, talked about her moving to where I live when she grads, and I gave her my virginity. All this time I've been convinced that her love for me is true. She even gave me a promise ring! Suddenly she betrays me! I don't know what to do. I'm having butterflies, my hands are cold and I'm flushing! I can't cry any tears! I can't even talk! I don't even know what to say to her. If I let her continue, she will succeed at cheating on me. I feel like if I let her have it and dump her before she gets there, I'll be less hurt. Yet, I still love her with all my heart. Why would she try to go with other women after all she and I have been through? I'd do anything for her!

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*Angelica, A, A-Maria, Maria, Angie; address me as either of those* We shall never deny an individual's sexuality, even the most ridiculous identity. We are free to love who we love and identify our sexual orientation our way. Theres no rules!

Posts: 54 | From: NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hmm, do you think she's actually looking to date someone else, or do you think she maybe just wanted to see what the dating site was like and signing up for it was the only way to do that? Sometimes people are curious about things. [Smile]

Either way, since she gave you the log-in information for her facebook, I imagine she knew that you would find it that she'd done this. So, how would it be if you, without getting angry at her, just tell her that you did see that, and you'd like to know what it's all about, because you're worried it means she's leaving you.

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Robin

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Angelica Maria
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My mom called and I told her what happened. My mom knows that my gf tends to like picking fights with me. She thinks maybe she did it on purpose knowing id see it so that's how she wants me to get mad. Another possibility not as likely is she could be trying to get me to dump her but probably not. She's buttering up with me now. I feel like I need to dump her some point anyway so that gives me a little reason. First thing is to find out the purpose of giving me her account.

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*Angelica, A, A-Maria, Maria, Angie; address me as either of those* We shall never deny an individual's sexuality, even the most ridiculous identity. We are free to love who we love and identify our sexual orientation our way. Theres no rules!

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Molias
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Can I ask why you feel like you need a reason like this to break up with your girlfriend? If you aren't happy in the relationship as it stands now, it's ok to break up with her. Of course if the issues you have are things you think you could solve, it makes sense to bring them up with her and see if you can resolve things first. But it does sound, from your initial post, that you'd like to work things out.

So, it sounds like a good move here is to ask about what you saw, and if there are other things about this relationship that aren't sitting right with you, you could bring those up in the same conversation.

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Angelica Maria
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I need a reason to break uo with her, Molias, because she's a bad girlfriend anyway. Yes, it is ok to break up with someone, but u gotta understand how hard it is to leave someone u love. Her trying to control my life, making me feel small and making me cry isn't enough for me to even want to dump her. I have weak links that trigger to breaking up.

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*Angelica, A, A-Maria, Maria, Angie; address me as either of those* We shall never deny an individual's sexuality, even the most ridiculous identity. We are free to love who we love and identify our sexual orientation our way. Theres no rules!

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know that not wanting to be with someone anymore IS a reason to break up with them, right?

I hear you, leaving can be hard. But if you are saying you really want to, and, as we've talked about with you in the past, it's clear this isn't even a healthy relationship, you really don't need any more reasons that that. And while, for sure, we will all have different opinions about this, if you ask me, someone being emotionally abusive is a way bigger reason for leaving than someone making a fake profile on a dating site.

I'd say if you still feel like you are having trouble leaving someone treating you badly, your best bet is to seek out some help in that regard. If your Mom, who it sounds like you talk to, can't give you that, or you won't accept it from her, then it's time to find someone whose help you WILL accept in this regard so you can finally get yourself out of this, rather than spending any more time trying to justify the why of something you're not yet doing, you know?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67055 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Angelica Maria
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OMG! I should have said this to Robin. Robin, my mom says that if ur with somebody, there's no reason to even "check out" a dating site out of curiosity. Yes, I'ver done that before but when I was single and I was a minor like she is. There is no reason to have any part of a dating site if she has me.

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*Angelica, A, A-Maria, Maria, Angie; address me as either of those* We shall never deny an individual's sexuality, even the most ridiculous identity. We are free to love who we love and identify our sexual orientation our way. Theres no rules!

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Onionpie
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Hi Angelica. I don't think you or your mum can really decide what other people can possibly be thinking or feeling; plenty of people might feel interest in "checking out" dating websites out of pure curiosity. It also seems like that's not really the main issue at hand; what do you think about heather's comments and suggestions around this?
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Angelica Maria
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Why should she need to explore it? Even if she's not gonna use it, ok it wouldn't be cheating, but its still getting things out of the relationship that she can get in the relationship.

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*Angelica, A, A-Maria, Maria, Angie; address me as either of those* We shall never deny an individual's sexuality, even the most ridiculous identity. We are free to love who we love and identify our sexual orientation our way. Theres no rules!

Posts: 54 | From: NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Angelica, have you had the chance yet to talk to your partner about why she signed up for that site? It's really kind of useless for us to speculate why she did that and whether it was for a reason that is in violation of your agreements. The only one who can explain her motivations is your girlfriend herself. And since she gave you her log-in information, she must assume that you've seen it and thus be prepared for you to ask about that.

And once you have had that talk and know what's the what, you can still decide whether this is a deal-breaker for you.

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-joey
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Angelica Maria
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Hmmmmm, u know what? I guess I have nothing to lose.

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*Angelica, A, A-Maria, Maria, Angie; address me as either of those* We shall never deny an individual's sexuality, even the most ridiculous identity. We are free to love who we love and identify our sexual orientation our way. Theres no rules!

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I guess I'm still not understanding why, if you know this is an unhealthy relationship, and this person has been manipulative and controlling, you're not focusing your energy and efforts on getting out of this relationship and getting help -- again, if not from your mother, from others -- you need to do that.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Angelica Maria
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It turns out her account was being hacked. I talked to her and her mother about this. My girlfriend even gave me permission to change her password now it won't get hacked. I was relieved to know that she ain't cheating. If she was cheating I absolutely would break up with her easily. Other than that part, it's not gonna be easy. I do very much understand where you are coming from, heather. It is not healthy for me to be in a relationship full of drama. But I don't find that to be a deal breaker. I know that in the guidelines it says that you won't help me anymore if I keep asking advice for something you a.ready addressed, so that's why I don't post stuff about the emotional abuse because I know that it is my problem. I only ask advice about situations that I don't normally go thru. But the emotional abuse, it's either I dump her or deal with it. I absolutely appreciate your effort of addressing my problems. [Smile]

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*Angelica, A, A-Maria, Maria, Angie; address me as either of those* We shall never deny an individual's sexuality, even the most ridiculous identity. We are free to love who we love and identify our sexual orientation our way. Theres no rules!

Posts: 54 | From: NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, we're certainly happy to help you if you make up your mind to aim to get out of this so that you don't have to be in an unhealthy relationship anymore and can then, if you choose to, seek out a happy, healthy one. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67055 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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