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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » hetero girls flirting with other girls

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Author Topic: hetero girls flirting with other girls
wolfmania
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My freind group consists manly of girls, and a few guys, my freinds tend to flirt alot, and being mostly girls there's alot of girl and girl flirting. Before anyone says they might all be gay, it's not, it's all pretty jokey tbh like getting married on facebook.

I'm a girl and I'm pretty sure I'm pan-sexual (I'm not sure but I've definitely fancied a couple of girls before). I'm not out, I've admitted to fancying girls to my bi sister, but none of my freinds nor my parents know. I feel awkward when hetero girls flirt with me, I'm fine when hetero guys flirt with me, I flirt back and it's fine, but that's because we understand that it's just messing around (most of the time), and what our potential attraction could be towards each other. but when hetero girls flirt with me I feel awkward because they think they're flirting with another hetero girl, but they're not, even though my feeling are all platonic for all of my freinds I feel guilty, almost perverted for flirting back.

what should I do?? I dont want to come out mainly because I'm not sure of my sexuality I don't want to come out and then be like oh no wait my bad I'm straight... plus I think alot of my freinds are a little homophobic.

Posts: 2 | From: England | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eryn_smiles
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Hi wolfmania [Smile]

I think it's a little bit tricky trying to pick your friends' sexual orientation, no matter what their gender. As you say, your friends may wrongly assume that you are straight and we can also those have wrong assumptions about others sometimes. In my opinion, whenever someone chooses to 'flirt' with someone else (of any gender!), they're also choosing to take the risk that the other person may or may not be romantically/sexually interested in them. There's always a chance that an interest can develop.

While I can somewhat personally relate to the awkward feeling (for example, when I danced, holding hands, with a straight female friend who I wasn't out to yet)....I don't think you need to feel guilty or awkward. Your sexuality is healthy and normal. Even if you did feel attracted to one of your friends, that would be OK and normal too. You can choose whether or not you want to act on those feelings. You're not perverted and you have nothing to be ashamed of [Smile] .

Regardless of all the above, I don't think you should have to come out to anyone before you feel ready and safe around that. I hope that your sister has been supportive. Regarding the part about not being sure of your sexuality, I think that many of us feel that way sometimes. Some people choose not to discuss their sexuality at that stage but others use words like "questioning" or broader terms like "queer" to define themselves. Basically you get to choose which labels you want, if any. As well, our sexuality is fluid- meaning that our sexual feelings and attractions are likely to change throughout our lifetimes. So people often do go through multiple 'coming out' experiences- which is OK too. Hope that helped a little!

[ 02-08-2012, 05:35 AM: Message edited by: eryn_smiles ]

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wolfmania
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thankyou, that was very helpful [Smile] . thankyou for taking the time to respond.
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eryn_smiles
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I'm glad it helped, you're welcome to keep talking about this as you'd like to [Smile]

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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crathes
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It happens to me too, when I was younger there were bad things said about girls that were thought not to be straight. Now that I'm older girls and women tease and flirt even though they are straight and I feel so strange about it. I don't know what to say or how to react.

Before, it was like you had to be careful not to do or say anything that might mean you felt that way. Now, it's like it's okay to make jokes and say silly things... as long as you still don't really feel like that. [Frown]

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crathes
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Oh, and how people say it is so easy now and accepted by everyone to be a lesbian or bi woman. Yeah maybe if you live in San Francisco? I understand that there is a lot of hatred and violence against gay men in particular, but it's not like it's perfect yet for women who aren't straight either... Or maybe that's just my observation and I live in a weird place. Sorry for ranting. i can't talk to anyone about this.
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Heather
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Historically, in most places, it is easiER than it has been in the past.

But for sure, easier does not mean easy!

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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