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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Can't figure out my orientation

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Author Topic: Can't figure out my orientation
Wolverine22
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I can't seem to figure out my orientation. Whenever I masturbate, I get harder when I think of a guy, but when I think of a girl, I still get off but it's not as good. I just don't know anymore if I'm gay or bi. I wish I was straight, but I know it won't happen.
Posts: 40 | From: I've lived all over the USA, but I hold true to my Michigan roots | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Have you yet taken a look at either of these pieces, Wolverine?

• http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/im_bisexual_so_why_dont_i_feel_exactly_the_same_about_men_and_women
• http://www.scarleteen.com/article/boyfriend/the_rainbow_connection_orientation_for_everyone

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Wolverine22
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Nope, I hadn't. I think it's that I'm afraid that I'm gay when I'd really like a woman for a long term relationship.
Posts: 40 | From: I've lived all over the USA, but I hold true to my Michigan roots | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Well, you certainly can choose to pursue long-term relationships with women if that's what you want.

Chances are good that were you gay, that's probably NOT what you'd want most, unless that want was about trying to deny or avoid being gay, or feeling very scared of pursuing those kinds of long-term relationships with men.

That said, there's this previous post of yours where it sounds like shame or fear are issues you've grappled with: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/15/t/001033/p/1.html#000002 In that thread, it also looks to me like you've felt like you -- or people, in general -- can't or shouldn't have the same kinds of long-term familial or romantic relationships with same-sex partners as they can with partners of a different sex. Are you still feeling that way?

If so, have you sought out any kind of help or counseling so you can get some qualified help sorting this out?

As well, last (I think) we spoke with you, you had yet to pursue any romantic relationships, you'd only engaged in some sexual ones. Have you yet started doing any kind of dating to start to get a real-life sense of what kinds of relationships you want and feel drawn to explore and pursue?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Wolverine22
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I think it's because of the fact that I can get close with girls, but I've never had a girlfriend and I'm a virgin on that side of things. Like three of my closest friends are girls, and I guess I can relate to them better, but there's nothing romantic, and that was what confused me. I think I'm bi with a preference for men, but that might change once I get an experience with women under my belt. (no pun intended)
Posts: 40 | From: I've lived all over the USA, but I hold true to my Michigan roots | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Always nice when someone takes a turn with the non-intended puns who isn't me. [Smile]

Do you WANT to try and start dating women so you can start to see how that feels for you, sex or no sex?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Wolverine22
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Absolutely
Posts: 40 | From: I've lived all over the USA, but I hold true to my Michigan roots | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Okay.

So, maybe for now it would be more useful to pursue that, and see, in reality, how those relationships go for you, rather than trying to imagine how they would, or make decisions abut how you want to identify without the experiences I hear you saying you feel you are without to make that decision?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Wolverine22
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Yeah, but the problem is finding a girlfriend. That has been my problem for so long.
Posts: 40 | From: I've lived all over the USA, but I hold true to my Michigan roots | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MusicNerd
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Hey Wolverine! Long time no speak. [Smile]

You know, I wouldn't really call not having a girlfriend a "problem". Not at all! There are lots of perks to being single. [Big Grin] Would you like to talk more about why you feel like it's a problem?

If you are looking for someone, have you considered joining any clubs, activities or co-ed sports? You might find someone you click with there, but that's not to say it's guaranteed. On the plus-side: Even if you don't find a girl to date, you'll at least make some new friends in the process.

[ 12-16-2012, 08:33 PM: Message edited by: MusicNerd ]

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

Posts: 301 | From: a galaxy far, far away... | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Wolverine22
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Ironically enough, I got a girl today. Her name's Karissa, and she's AWESOME!!!!!!
Posts: 40 | From: I've lived all over the USA, but I hold true to my Michigan roots | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I assume you mean you *met* a girl today?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Wolverine22
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Sure, we can go with that. But she's now my girlfriend.
Posts: 40 | From: I've lived all over the USA, but I hold true to my Michigan roots | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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It's just that people aren't things to get, and since just two days ago, there wasn't even anyone particular you were expressing you had interest in, I also assume this is just the start of a possible dating relationship.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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