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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » How Do I Know If She Likes Me?

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Author Topic: How Do I Know If She Likes Me?
Hannah Berry
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Member # 95563

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I've only had one relationship with a girl, and that's when I was significantly younger, but I know I'm a lesbian either way, just because of the way I am attracted to and look at other woman.

During that relationship, we were both slightly hesitant and therefore, we didn't end up doing anything other than kissing, and since then, I've matured a lot. I now like one of my friends, who I thankfully know is a lesbian. We are very affectionate toward each other (we hold hands, or rather we always have them connected and are doing something with them; swinging them, moving them, she even stokes my fingers sometimes)

She even sits in my lap! My friends are constantly telling us we should go out, but she always says no, but then again, so do I, because I'm afraid she may say no. I know the things she's doing, like sitting and my lap and holding my hands, may be innocent, but it's sending me mixed signals!! She's already been in 2 or 3 relationships, while I've only been in one. I'm not sure what to do to show her I like her without being to obvious and freaking her out. Any advice to help my situation out? Should I stop saying no when are friends say to go out, or is that too much?

Posts: 5 | From: A city in California | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
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Hey Hannah,

I think it's best just to take this at it's simplest. Whether or not you feel like a lesbian, your friends have taken the idea that you were in one relationship with a girl means you'll automatically want one with your friend who is a lesbian.

I would say that if you mean no, say no, but also that it could be a good idea to talk to some of these friends and say that honestly neither of you are interested in having a relationship and that everyone asking is putting pressure on the friendship you want to have with eachother... I think making that clear would make it a lot easier for people to understand that they are in fact doing that.

I would say that with the physical intimacy stuff, it's important in friendship & relationships just to do what's comfortable. If holding hands and sitting on laps is out of your comfort zone at the moment, I think it's totally your right to say you don't really want to do it anymore... if that's the case.

Your question sounds like you're worried you're being too forward with telling people what you don't want. But honestly that's actually the best thing. You deserve to be able to set your boundaries and ask things of your friends that'll stop parts of your life being uncomfortable.

Good luck!

Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hannah Berry
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Thank you, and in answer to some of the things you applied, no it's not out of my comfort zone at all, I actually like it when she does it.

And in fact, I do want to pursue a relationship with her, I'm just not sure how to approach it with the little experience that I've had.

Posts: 5 | From: A city in California | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
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Whoa? I have no idea how I completely misread your question... with literally 2 of your sentences I read the complete opposite and some how my brain chucked in the word "not" in places where it clearly wasn't! Sorry for what must have been a really weird answer, Hannah... lets have another go at this:

I feel like if you'd like to change things with your friend, it's a good idea to go somewhere nice with your friend and ask them how they feel about you, and see what happens. It's a bit of a leap of faith, but you can't REALLY know how someone feels until they've told you.

I think pressure from friends to get into a relationship with someone can really take away your ownership of those feelings... If it happened it would be about you and her, not about them. I think asking them to stop would still be useful. If there are any of them you trust especially to respect your boundaries here, saying to them that exactly because you like her, you'd like them to back off a bit to give you a chance, because if not they may be really making it hard.

This pressure can also have an impact on your privacy if for example your friend doesn't want this to become a sexual relationship too. This is probably something to factor in to how your thinking about stuff... making clear that you not only need the ownership of your feelings respected, but also your privacy.

Sorry again about my crazy answer, I have no idea what happened there.

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Hannah Berry
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Member # 95563

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Hahaha, it's totally alright. I admit I was a bit confused when I first read your reply, but I kind of just brushed it off. And thanks for the advice, I suppose you're right. I can't REALLY know if I don't ask.

[ 04-17-2012, 12:13 AM: Message edited by: Hannah Berry ]

Posts: 5 | From: A city in California | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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