Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » How do I heal this brokenheart?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: How do I heal this brokenheart?
spark_alaska22
Neophyte
Member # 95361

Icon 1 posted      Profile for spark_alaska22     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My boyfriend just broke up with me last night and I'm feeling pretty low. I need advice, words of encouragement and just something to give me hope for the future.

I guess I'm feeling pretty low because at 21 and I just got dumped by a 17 year old who I deeply loved and cared for. We were three months dating before we entered a relationship which lasted a very short four months. We had a good run I suppose, I just wish it could have been longer. I feel so stupid for having my heartbroken by an indecisive seventeen year old and yet I regret nothing except that it ended.

We had been serioulsy talking about having sex. (Since he is now the legal age to)And I believed I was ready to take that step with him. I've had sexual relationships and relationships before with older and people my own age, and because of his age I wanted to take it slow, not rush things or pressure him into anything. I trusted him and it seemed he trusted me as I helped him through a lot.

About two weeks ago out of the blue he asked if I still felt the same about the relationship, and I said of course I do. I took no notice of it as he had a habit of asking questions out of the blue like that. Any way after that he sort of stopped txting me, which again I didn't look to far into because he's known for being a shit txter and when I asked him about it he apologised and said nothing changed that he still liked me.
So we made plans for him to come over to my house for the day and after allowing me to cook him dinner, giving him an anniversary gift, cuddle with him and fool around a bit he rather reluctantly broke up with me.

I'm just so upset. He originally said he stopped feeling anything last time we were together. So he let me go two weeks thinking everything was ok and then says that. I just feel so numb, so lost, so pathetic and stupid. And while he was breaking my heart, I was the one comforting his tears, telling him everything will be alright. I know he can't help how he feels but I just feel so low, cheated and used.

After the event I confided in a friend, who didn't seem to be much help in the situation. But he did make me realise that while I've been in quite a few relationships, that one was the first relationship that seemed to be going somewhere and was probably my first serious relationship. I seem to great a getting into relationships but not so lucky in keeping them.

How do I move past this? How do I make this numbness go away? My self-esteem is at rock bottom right now. [Frown]

Posts: 3 | From: Dublin, Ireland | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eryn_smiles
Peer Ambassador
Member # 35643

Icon 1 posted      Profile for eryn_smiles         Edit/Delete Post 
Hello spark_alaska22, I'm sorry to read about your difficult breakup and that no-one has replied to your post yet. How are you doing at the moment? It sounds like you were a lovely supportive partner to this person and it can be horribly hard to be treated in this way. Have you been able to talk with others in your friends and family for support? What have you been doing to take care of yourself? I hope you're able to be gentle with yourself at the moment as dealing with the end of your first serious relationship is pretty huge. It will take time, but you will feel better and you will have a wonderful longterm relationship, if that is what you're looking for. From reading your post, you sound like an amazing person for someone to be in a relationship with and soon you'll find a partner who realises that too [Smile] .

--------------------
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

Posts: 1326 | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
spark_alaska22
Neophyte
Member # 95361

Icon 1 posted      Profile for spark_alaska22     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks eryn_smiles I really appreciate it, you have no idea. This came at the right time too because I was feeling a bit down and out even after these few weeks apart. I'm holding up well but I feel like because I didn't have the breakdown after the break up, the hurt is just dragging on. Family and friends aren't much help as they don't really want to hear about it. And the ones that do I'm afraid will just relay it all back to the ex.

But I've at least tempted to take care of myself by going out with friends more and just trying to get on with life. It's just a lot harder than I thought it was, especially since I'm convinced he's moved on and forgotten it all.

I really appreciate your kind words, I just wish I could get over this sooner rather than later. It was nice being wanted and loved.

Posts: 3 | From: Dublin, Ireland | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 66249

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jacob at Scarleteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey spark, I'm sorry as well as eryn that it's taken so long to respond to you.

Reading your first post, when you said you felt low, cheated and used, it really felt like you were expressing some strong emotions.

I feel like there is a lot for you to process, and so maybe the first step towards making it easier to move through the post-break up journey might be actually making some peace with the idea that it can take some time.

I think acceptance is one of the hardest things to give to yourself but becoming ready to do it is really very important.

I think one other thing I'm really noticing in what you've written is anger. I really have to lay it down that I don't think there is anything stupid about being in a romantic-relationship and it coming to an end, no matter if the person who says they want it to end is older or younger. It's something that simply reflects what is happening to that person and their feelings, not an expression of something wrong with us an individual. You're not stupid and you're not pathetic, it's just that this is a sudden change in your life where you can no longer know this person you care about will be close to you. This is something that on it's own can really hurt. And you're allowed to hurt directly from it, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or bad about you.

I'm really sorry that your family and friends don't want to talk to you about this but I'm glad you were able to come here for help... just being able to talk/write out your feelings is a really important part of digesting them I think (if it'd help you could try writing stuff down on paper and seeing if it is therapeutic). The friend you initially spoke to, although you were looking for advice, might be good as someone just to vent with a little... have you tried speaking to them more?

Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
spark_alaska22
Neophyte
Member # 95361

Icon 1 posted      Profile for spark_alaska22     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks Jacob and I think you're right I need to make peace with the idea of being single again. I'm starting to. I never thought of it that way and initially I didn't think I was that angry when I was writing my first post but looking back maybe I was. I guess I just felt cheated that I put so much into a relationship and have it last so short.

But you're right that there was nothing wrong with the relationship and I accept that it happens. I guess for the first time in a long while I've just felt lonely and didn't know how to interpret those feelings. Jacob what you have just said to me has made a lot of sense, more than anything these past few weeks. Thank you.

Don't be sorry because it's not your fault and to be fair it's not my friends or families fault. I guess they find people being vulnerable difficult to confront. I'm glad a came here too because I really didn't know where else to turn. Never expected it to be this difficult or for me to be this bad. I tried journaling before (an old habit) but it doesn't seem to be working this time round, it's just giving me something to look back to and relive.

Cheers for listening and the advice.

Posts: 3 | From: Dublin, Ireland | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 66249

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jacob at Scarleteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It sounds like you're steadily moving forward really well. I'm glad we could help! I really appreciate your honest thanks, it means a lot to me! Good luck
Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
WesLuck
Activist
Member # 56822

Icon 1 posted      Profile for WesLuck     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
All the best from me too! [Smile]

-hugs for spark-

Posts: 540 | From: Australia | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3