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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » This has happened before, and I really don't want it again.

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Author Topic: This has happened before, and I really don't want it again.
EarthenBirthed
Neophyte
Member # 61694

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This is whats up. So! When I was first coming out, I had this HUGE crush on my best friend at the time. It was terrible, and I don't even feel good saying it was a crush. I was in love, or whatever I define as love at least (which is very, very, very, VERY strong attraction, to the point of pain.) I got over that. The thing is, that was a horrible year for me and mostly because I could not tell my friend I was in love with her. It's very important for me to be able to show, give, and receive love. So that hurt.

What the deal is now though, is that it's been like two years, that friend and I have grown apart, and I'm closer to other people right now. I have two best friends right now. I plan on being with them for the rest of my life, I am absolutely certain of that. Two of us have been friends for a longer time than the other. I've been friends with "J" for five years, whereas we just met "A" this year. Nevertheless! I love them both just the same... or so I think [Embarrassed] J and I are always going to be just friends. I am afraid though, that I am developing deeper feelings for A. I really, really, really don't want to have this turn into what I had when I was questioning. Not at all. No way. Not eva! How do I prevent this? How can I stop myself from developing anything more than friendly feelings towards her, without ceasing to be friends with her altogether?
On another note, I feel like I have an odd friendship with A anyway. J and I have always been very happy together, and I've never felt the need (or wanted to actually) to talk to her about serious things like my sexuality or problems at home. It's always been happy, happy, happy with us. Is that wrong? That I don't feel safe confiding in J even though we're supposedly best friends? With A, I feel much better talking to her about things. Maybe because she's got a lot of problems similar to mine, whereas J has close to no problems at all. A is also straight as far as I know. Sometimes I feel as though I have a closer relationship with A which is... not good. I'm supposed to be friends with them equally. I've talked to J about this, about my fear of being closer to A than J. Could I be feeling this way because of my possibly growing feelings for A? I'm both confused and frustrated. And utterly sad because I definitely do NOT want to hurt my best friends in any way at all. I just don't know what to do. Also, sorry for the long post, and sorry if it didn't make much sense...

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Taste by Animal Collective

Posts: 14 | From: Maryland | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

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Hey, EarthenBirthed. [Smile] I'm sorry that this post was missed.

I understand that it must've been hard for you to have been in a situation where you are infatuated with someone who does not return your feelings, thus leading to your desire to prevent something similiar from happening again. BUT, we cannot help who we are attracted to, and therefore cannot "stop" ourselves from feeling a particular way towards a particular person. You can, however, choose whether to act on your feelings or just let them be. You don't have to stop being friends with A for this reason. Your feelings for her can certainly pass over time.

I believe that we all relate to different people in different ways, whether through shared experience, hobbies, etc., so I don't think that it's wrong at all for you to feel comfortable discussing certain issues with A that you wouldn't discuss with J. This is not an indication of your compatibility as friends, in my opinion. You can certainly be best friends! It's just that, with certain people, we might feel that they understand a part of us or our experiences more than someone else does. It's natural, since everyone is different. I know this because my relationship with my best friend is like your relationship with J. Just because I can't talk to her about everything doesn't mean that we can't be best friends or have fun together.

Would you mind elaborating on why you would feel afraid of being closer to A than J? Also, what do you mean when you say you're supposed to be friends with them equally?

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"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
EarthenBirthed
Neophyte
Member # 61694

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I just stopped being friends with them. It's.... hard to do because I love them so much. But I f*cking suck and I am the root of all problems here so I just stepped out. Not looking back.

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Taste by Animal Collective

Posts: 14 | From: Maryland | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

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Would you like to tell me why you feel that you are the root of all problems?

Is there anything I can do for you that can help at this point?

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"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
WesLuck
Activist
Member # 56822

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If people don't like you for one reason or another, that doesn't mean that it's your fault. People are so complex that many things can get in between people, and it isn't always someone's "fault". Just think, if you told someone who really cared about you that you thought you were the reason for all problems, do you really think they would agree? I think they would appreciate you for who you are, and would tell you that no-one is ever responsible for all the problems in the world. You are a unique person and being, just trying to do your best (like the vast majority of us) with the resources you have at your disposal, moment to moment. [Smile] That is all any being can be expected to do!

Anyway, I'll give you some hugs. [Smile]

-hugs for EarthenBirthed-

[ 03-26-2012, 10:29 AM: Message edited by: WesLuck ]

Posts: 540 | From: Australia | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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