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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Accidental outting?

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Author Topic: Accidental outting?
WildRice
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Member # 45445

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Would I be outting someone by saying the following or a version of the following "my friend is gay, queer, trans, etc." to a group of strangers?

I ask this because I received a little zine from a presenter on transpeople after talking with him at a conference. And I had in fact said something similar in an attempt to find more information... But they zine said "don't say this in attempt to sound cool, hip or progressive". Neither of which I was trying to be but there is a possibility it could have been disrespectful or boundary crossing but I honestly don't really know. And would like to know so I don't do it again in the future.

Posts: 38 | From: Northwest Coast | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eryn_smiles
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Could you explain this a little more? Are you talking about naming one of your friends and explaining their sexual orientation or gender identity to a group of strangers? What would be your reasoning to do this?

If your friend is generally 'out' to family/friends/public, it may be ok to discuss their orientation and gender with others to help illustrate a point or make social connections. But for safety, I would usually ask the friend if they were ok with me doing this. I have found that some people are understandably very sensitive around these issues, even when they appear to be quite 'out and proud' in some situations.

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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WildRice
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Member # 45445

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Oh, well, I didn't name my friend. They haven't come out so I would never say their name or gender or any other identifying quality about them beside their feelings. What I had said a few times before when seeking more information on how to help them out, know what resources are available, and how to support them, was "I have a friend who recently came out. They feel they want to transition but I don't know what they are going through and I would like to know how to support them in every way possible."

The zine wasn't very clear if that was or was not acceptable to say. So I thought I'd see what they Scarleteen boards had to say.

Posts: 38 | From: Northwest Coast | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eryn_smiles
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Member # 35643

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In my opinion, that sounds very reasonable and like you are being supportive to a friend, which is great. I don't think you are outting anyone as you haven't given identifying details.

--------------------
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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