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Author Topic: Starting to date?
lambert
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At the moment I am a freshman in University. My sexuality and gender is something I've struggled with for years and only recently have I semi-openly stating that I identify as gender queer and would like to date female identified humans or other gender queers.

However I have no idea how to start dating. I have a great support system of close friends who also identify as queer but I'm honestly lost on how to meet/approach/date people. I've never even been kissed (something that makes me extremely embarrassed) or dated "the opposite sex" when I still identified as female. In general I'm just feeling really lost and ashamed of my lack of experience. Also in general I am very shy and have a hard time socializing.

Help? On dating and how to deal with my insecurities?

Posts: 2 | From: Seattle, WA | Registered: Nov 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, the first thing I'd suggest doing is letting those awesome friends know you're interested in dating. Often, dating in queer circles -- mostly because our dating pool can be so much smaller than the pool is for hetero and/or cis folks -- involves a lot of mingling amongst friends and dating within or just around the edges of our existing community.

How do you feel about starting there?

Perhaps we can also take some time to talk about the shame you're feeling around inexperience? You're so not going to be the only one who is at where you're at, and to boot, there is no right or wrong level of sexual/dating experience, just diversity. And yet, whether people feel like they have "too much" or "too little" experience, they might not feel so relaxed about that, so happy to talk with you about it and help you try and unpack it some.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67076 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lambert
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Member # 89916

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In general I suffer from low-confidence. It's something that I'm working on but (in combination with the fact that I don't have dating experience) it makes me anxious about trying to date. I realize it's silly but I'm afraid that the fact that I haven't dated before will make other people thing there is something wrong with me.
Posts: 2 | From: Seattle, WA | Registered: Nov 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I'm afraid I can't be here on the boards most of today, but we can keep talking more over the next few days.

But before I dig in more, especially since you're in the same area I live in, where I'm very well-connected with many local orgs and communities, can I ask if you have yet connected with any of the local LGBT groups at your school or in Seattle, period? If not, do you know what your options are, and if you don't, would you like to? I think at least having some connection with groups and communities like those would be a real plus for you.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67076 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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