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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » how to explain my sexuality for an online dating profile

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Author Topic: how to explain my sexuality for an online dating profile
Member # 93955

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First off, I just want to say that I love this website. I've been lurking quietly for a long time, absorbing all of the awesomely intelligent sexual info here. But today I finally registered for an account here, because I have a question that requires an open-minded audience, and this is definitely the best place to go for that!

I've been on break from dating for about a year because I was confused about who exactly I'm attracted to and what exactly I want out of relationships. (For the record, I'm a cis-gendered female.) I think that romantically, I'm pansexual (panromantic?) -- I have the potential to dig everyone! But sexually, I'm really not into penises, even though I may be attracted to someone who has a penis.

I've been referring to myself as "queer", because that's the most accurate one-word description that I'm comfortable with. But I'm trying to fill out a profile for a dating website, and I'm not sure how to best describe what I'm looking for. I guess I'm struggling to find a balance between oversharing and accidentally leading someone on.

Here's my situation:
- I'm interested in going on dates with members of all genders.
- I'm comfortable with romantic physicality (not sex) with members of all genders. (Holding hands, kissing, above-the-waist makeouts, basically anything that doesn't involve genitals.)
- I'm not interested in sex where I'm in direct contact with a penis. (No blowjobs or handjobs or penile pentration.)

I know that sexuality is fluid, and my disinterest in penises might be something that changes in the future. And I'm fine with using the term "queer" to describe myself right now. But I have no idea how to handle my dating profile. I don't know if getting all in-depth about this stuff in my profile is appropriate, and if it is I don't know the best way to state it. (Honestly, I'm not even sure if anything I said in this post is offensive. If it is, I truly apologize! And please let me know so I can educate myself!) I don't even know whether to describe myself as "bisexual" or "gay"! (Those are the only options on this site, besides "straight".)

If anyone has any suggestions, I would LOVE to hear them. Thank you!

Posts: 18 | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know, it seems to me that going into a lot of depth about what kind of sex you do and don't want to have isn't at all needed in an online dating profile unless someone is specifically only looking for a sexual interaction right from the start (as in, using online dating to cruise) or we're talking about something like a fetish site.

Otherwise, there's no need for a dating profile to tell someone absolutely everything there is to know about you. An online profile is about general ideas, with then getting to know someone being the place where you get more specific as you go and fee comfortable. It's not like, say, an online shopping site where someone is buying something, after all.

That said, it's pretty safe to say that the majority of people with a penis, if they're going to have a sexual relationship, will usually want to have it involved. So, what it sounds like to me is that if you're going to accept the kind of dates where things would progress fast sexually, you perhaps only want to seek out cisgender women or transguys.

With the limited orientation choices, besides sending a letter to the site suggesting they have an open field (just because...well, come on already, right?), I'd say bisexual sounds best, but in an open field, you could also specify and use the language you prefer.

(Thanks for the lovely compliments!)

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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