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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Love my bf but can't get girls off my mind

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Author Topic: Love my bf but can't get girls off my mind
Mi
Neophyte
Member # 95865

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I love my boyfriend and want to be in a relationship with him but I also think I want to date women maybe.

My bf and I's relationship is somewhat serious, we care deeply for each other but we're not thinking about marriage or anything. I've been with women in the past and he knows that I am attracted to women. Lately I've been having more sexual thoughts about women, to point where I've actually fantasied about a woman while having sex with him once. I'm attracted to him. The sex is good. I still crave sex with him but sometimes I just want to be with a woman.

I don't know what to do. I'm confused. I don't want to lose him. But I feel guilty for having these thoughts.

Posts: 5 | From: San Francisco Bay Area | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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How about we maybe start in a different place, which is that I hear you saying you might want to have an open relationships rather than a monogamous one.

That, I'd say, is really the primary issue per a relationship if and one wants that, not what gender of partners someone might want.

So...yes? Is opening up your relationship perhaps something you might want? It sounds clearly like you want to still be in the relationship with him, so.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mi
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Member # 95865

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I have thought about an open relationship. I've kind of mentioned it to him before but he got upset and said he wants to be monogamous.

He also tells me when he sees an attractive woman. Like just casually that a girl is hot/cute/beautiful/sexy/etc. I'm fine with that. We both understand there are hundreds and hundreds of people in the world that we're gonna find physically attractive. He just sees it as you just don't make a move on those attractions. He said he chooses me and that it.

I've talked to him about opening things up in the bedroom with an extra person. That way we're both involved. He didn't say no but he wasn't super excited about the idea.

I feel like I'm being a little too selfish here.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, I don't think we have to go to that place, per being selfish. And wanting something different than someone else wants doesn't mean one person is selfish and the other isn't, or even that either person is being selfish.

That said, if you and your boyfriend have discussed opening things up already and he's made clear that's not something he wants -- and I'd say it sure sounds that way, even the business of maybe being with someone together as "not too excited about" is a no in my book -- then I think you have to think about some things from there.

So, we can want things and not have them: that'll happen a lot in life, about a lot of things. But in this case, do you want to stay, for the time being, in this monogamous relationship, then? If it's a choice between wanting this, and wanting a different partner -- and obviously that's not so clear a choice, since that's an abstract -- what do you think?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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