Donate Now
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » My ex gf is asking me back! i need serious help!!!

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: My ex gf is asking me back! i need serious help!!!
Ste-Funnie
Activist
Member # 50934

Icon 4 posted      Profile for Ste-Funnie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My ex gf messaged me yesterday and said that she wants "us" to have another chance. I'm really nervous! [Frown] I got up at 1:00 tossing and turning thinking about this. Its tempting but I know I really dnt want her. She only dated me for 1 day! 1 DAY! We had a great time that night, and then the next day, she pulled crap on me, and was being selfish and rude. She was saying things to sabotage me to dump her. Which I dnt get why she ast me to be her gf and then drove me away the next day. She did this for no damn reason! I was sick to my stomach! I had to miss my Easter party for this! I know if I get back together with her, she'll only just do the same thing. Maybe something worse! I'm just worried that the temptation will get to me, and I know I dnt wanna give in. If I give in once, A) I'm only gonna let her hurt me again, B) I'll have to give in all the time! It'll lead to an on n' off relationship! If I had to be in that situation, I'd be stuck with her and can't go with other ppl. Which is the thing. I want to move on and get a life. I already met a bunch of girls whom I have feelings for. I wanna date other ppl. I have a great opportunity to do that.

I wrote down what I wanna say in my response in pages, the computer software. I don't know when to send it to her. I get worried that she's my only chance. That no other girl will ever come along. But I do know that if I take her back, she's just gonna be a bitch again and/or date me for 1 day or 2. I want a long term rltnshp. I thought she wanted it too. Who knows if maybe she'll end up cheating on me. I just dnt want the temptation to throw me into it.

Its just I'm too nervous to send her the message and tell her no. The fact that it's so tempting, well, saying no to an ex for taking them back, is like getting an abortion, or having your pet put to sleep, etc. where usually when those situation happen, it's for their own good and they do it for the right thing.

All I'm trying to ask is, how can I kick this temptation away? Also how can I make myself strong enough to say no to her for my own good? [Confused]

--------------------
~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sounds like you've already made the decision that is best for you. Good on you!

Sometimes it can be hard to stick to a decision, even when we know it's for the best. But I know that you already know that this girl isn't going to be the only one who'll ever like you. You're still young, and you'll get to meet plenty of other girls.

Also, it's pretty much always better to be single than to be with someone who doesn't treat us very well. So even if this girl was the last girl on earth? You'd still be better off without someone who is rude to you and doesn't respect you.

So, why don't you go ahead and e-mail her the response that you wrote? If you're feeling a little unsure, you can always ask someone like a friend or your mother to be there with you when you send the e-mail to support you.

(One last thing? While I get that this is, validly, a very big deal for you and that you feel torn, I don't think it's okay to compare this to the struggles of considering an abortion, or having to put a pet down. There's a whole lot more riding on those choices, especially when it comes to decisions around abortion, and I think it minimizes the experiences of those faced with those decisions to compare them to whether or not to get back together with someone you dated for a little while.)

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ste-Funnie
Activist
Member # 50934

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ste-Funnie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, I already did say in my post that I met other girls and I have feelings for them. I do know there can be someone else who'd want me. I just don't want to lose that opportunity b/c of her.

Also if you dnt like that comparison, well, I can say it's like having to give up something ure addicted to. Or having to clean up ur room. Nobody likes to clean up their room, but its for their own good. Also I hate taking a shower but I'd rather smell nice.

Another thing, I made it clear to her the day we broke up that once we're broken up, it's over. We're broken up permanently. She came back to me like "oh i know you told me we were never gonna be together again but can't u give me another chance". She even said how she's too scared to talk to me about it face-to-face and she called herself a coward. Well, messaging me to ask me something I can understand, but one cowardly thing she did was sabotage me to dump her and say rude things when she could've dumped me straight out. I just dnt understand how she wants me, she dzznt want me, she wants me, she dzznt. Like make up ur mind already, dnt ya think? She shlda stopped to think about it b4 dumping me. I told her that I dnt wanna hear it if she changes her mind. Whats wrong w/ her?

--------------------
~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Djuna
Activist
Member # 29269

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Djuna     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi Stef! I'm glad you've identified that this person probably isn't good for you - someone who was so easily rude to you doesn't sound like someone it's healthy to be in a relationship with. Way to go you, for making awesome choices for yourself! That's something to feel really good about, right there. [Smile]

(I think the room cleaning and shower comparisons are good. Those are more similar because they are about personal care in the same way that your good relationship choices here are.)

--------------------
“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ste-Funnie
Activist
Member # 50934

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ste-Funnie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
oh i sent her the response. now i cant bare to look at hers. idk. i hope she takes it fine.

--------------------
~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3