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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Coming out...again?

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Author Topic: Coming out...again?
Member # 97293

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Wow, I thought I past that point of 'finding myself'. Well, looks like I am back at it again.
I had always identified as a lesbian, a masculine lesbian but lately I have a strange attraction to feminine men, only feminine men. I never identified as bisexual and have no desire to be with a man for the rest of my life. I have a strong attraction both physically and emotionally to those who identify as women but I just can not shake this feeling/attraction to feminine men. Now don't get me wrong, I have no problem with saying that a man is attractive but the feelings I am having are stronger than just a small crush or a nod to a good looking guy. I never tried dating a bisexual man even though I have thought of it. I guess I'm fearful. Not fearful of what others think but of what I may think of myself. I'm scared of questioning what I thought was true. I'm also fearful of going back in the 'dating scene' as a masculine woman.
Is anyone having feelings similar to this or any advice? I never questioned my sexually like this and it is really stressful. I'm 22 and thought I was secure in my sexually and accepted myself but this new feeling is just too much to wrap my head around. How do I begin to accept this new feeling ?It's like I have been living a lie for 22 yrs. In the past 4 yrs since graduating h/s, I've done a lot of soul searching, for other reasons, and finally accepted myself and found peace but now this is disturbing me to the point of me stressing out and question my whole being.(not to sound too dramatic)

Any help, advice or other stories similar would really help [Smile]

Hope all is well with you all.

[ 09-12-2012, 08:42 PM: Message edited by: BJ ]

Posts: 1 | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
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The thing about sexuality is that it's often not something that we figure out once and then we're set for life. It's more common for sexuality to shift and change over the course of our lives. And most importantly, this doesn't mean that your identity as a lesbian was "wrong" or a lie. If it felt true and right to you at the time, then it was! Just because your feelings may have changed now, that doesn't retroactively negate everything you felt before. That is still just as true.

One thing that has worked for me in this is to adopt this changeability and fluidity as my identity. Like you, I identified as a lesbian early on, and then started questioning my whole identity again when I felt attraction to a man. Since then, I have been dating both men and women, and I identify as queer now because that term, to me, leaves room for pretty much any type of attraction.

I hope that helps a little! And I hope you can, in time, let go of some of the stress and worry about this because it really doesn't need to be so disturbing.

Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
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Member # 66249

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Everything that joey said, plus, no matter who you date it doesn't mean you have to question the masculinity which feels like such a big part of who you are.

Similarly if going back to the 'dating scene' is a problem, then chances are that it's somebody else's problem and maybe not yours. You deserve to be dating people who respect whoever you have dated in the past, and whoever you even MIGHT want to date.

Posts: 694 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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