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Author Topic: GLBT Relationship Utopia
Heather
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Let's pretend for a minute that if you're having any issues with gay/bisexual/pansexual relationships or identity, that you can wipe them away.

In other words, visualize your GLBT Utopia. What does a great queer relationship look like in your imagination, not just in the relationship itself, but in how you and yours enact it with friends, family, your community and the rest of your life?

What barriers would be gone, what benefits would be present?

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Kara Zor-El
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What a great question, Heather! I've been in the best relationship of my life for three years now so this is a very interesting topic. I'd say that my honey and I have been very lucky in terms of the way most people treat us, but in terms of utopian ideal...? Well, on the one hand, there's always been the wish that certain people (my girl's parents, especially) would treat this as a serious relationship. My family treats my girlfriend as one of their own, and even my extended family (my brother's wife's family) always includes her in family events. I'm not extended the same from her family as much. Another notion of utopia would be if people wouldn't regard my relationship as "different" or "special" -- you know, there's still the whole "lesbians are hot" thing going on in our culture that'll probably never fully go away. But just as I wouldn't pry for juicy details in my friends' relationships and marriages, I don't really appreciate people digging for tidbits about mine just because they get off on it or something. I have no problem discussing such things with intimate friends, but some of my casual acquaintances have a really bad habit of being too nosy. It would be nice to have my relationship regarded the same as any other.

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"If you're going through Hell, keep going..."
- Winston Churchill

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Heather
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(Kara: so nice to see you again!)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Kara Zor-El
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quote:
Originally posted by Heather:
(Kara: so nice to see you again!)

(Awww! Thank you, Heather...I missed you! I promise I won't gum up your lovely new thread too much with off-topic nonsense, but I'm getting a head start on my New Year's resolution -- to stay in better touch with people and places that are important to me. I always feel so welcome here and y'all have helped me through some awkward times. It's great to be back! [Big Grin] )
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cool87
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(Edited : I started another thread about this)

[ 12-26-2006, 04:41 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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PenguinBoy
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No-one being surprised or acting any differently to a boyfriend than they would to a girlfriend. Being able to have babies too(impossible but yno, it's a utopia). To have other personal features recalled other than "the gay couple". Being thought of as different, un-straight.

I can think of lots of utopian things about BEING queer and people accepting it.

But the actual relationship: most of the things you'd hope for in a straight relationship respect passion and fun.

I'll add more later.

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feefiefofemme
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Hmm. I think I'm going to have to think on this, but I'll spout off some stuff now and come back and edit later.

When I think of what an ideal relationship would be for me (with anyone really, but mostly with a woman because that's the gender I'm more attracted to), I picture simple things like holding hands and hugging and sitting in each other's laps and touching each other's hair. Just all that sweet, tactile stuff. And, in a relationship with a woman, I'd love to be able to do that without being looked at funny or harassed.

I want to be able to take my hypothetical girlfriend to the Christmas party my family has every year with my friends and their families from my old neighborhood. I know if I ever did take a long-term girlfriend there I wouldn't suffer any abuse, per say, but it would be something that I'd have to Talk About with people. It'd be kind of a Big Deal, if you know what I mean.

I've said this before, but I despise drama so much, and I get a lot of stress from school and my general everything-must-be-perfect compulsiveness. I just can't express how much I desire simplicity and calmness in my life. I hate that merely my being with another woman would cause drama in my life. I would be and am absolutely willing to work through that kind of drama if and when it does come up, as I would be with any other relationship problems, but I don't like that there would be problems stemming from the gender of my partner. It seems unreasonable to me.

Badly articulated? Yes? No? Maybe? Probably yes. :P But, again, I'll edit once I've done some thinking.

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lindsaymarie
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Well I've never been in a relationship with a girl before, but in an ideal world, this is how it would all go down. She'd go to my school, and she'd be just as crazy, and spontanious as I am. We'd go on dates to restaurants and trips to the city, or just go for walks, and chill at eachother's houses, or random spots around town. We'd hold hands and cuddle and kiss in public, and all the people who matter would be cool with it. And we just wouldn't care about anyone else. And she'd be one of my partners in crime, lol. Going to all my events and protests in the city with me. Also, we'd do all those romantic things, like sitting under the stars. Haha I'm a sucker for that kind of thing.

Anyhoo, I'd tell my siblings, and they'd accept it. And my parents? All I'd ask of them is to let me see her whenever I wanted to. I can't even picture my parents being any more accepting than that, but that would be fine with me. I mean with my family, I'm not asking for super supportive or anything. To me that's what friends are for and I know my friends would be. All I'd really ask is that my family lets me do my thing and doesn't talk about it too much. Hmmm... yep that sounds good to me.

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not_a_hobgoblin
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I would want my school to have a strong GLBT community. I would want it to be no big deal- to anyone- when I come out. I would want there to be so much less fear and misunderstanding: being GLBT just adds a whole 'nother level of messinesss to any crush or potential relationship.

I would want to never have to be afraid of who I am.

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"She is a witch!"
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The Wonderer
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My GLBT Utopia is that the world would exist in such a way that people would not have labels for their sexual identities.

People will just be. Thoughout one's life, if you find a person you are attracted to, you could talk to them and say, "Hey, I want to take my relationship with you further". People will know obviously what they are attracted to some degree, but wouldn't be afraid to try "taking their relationship further".

Does that make sense?

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PenguinBoy
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yeah it makes sense. And you wouldn't HAVE to come out, because people would not think it as anything different!

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lindsaymarie
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That sounds really good, the wonderer. I wanna go to your utopia!
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bellaitaliana69
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I would want to be able to date a boy and girl at the same time and have all parties be okay with it. With my hypothetical boyfriend and girlfriend, I would go to parties, and hang-out, and nobody would find it strange at all.

And I'd definently have a threesome.

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"Only fear the things which have the power to harm" --Dante Aligheri, "Inferno" canto 2

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law.

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BelleMorte
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That sounds lovely The Wonderer, that's what I would like: a place where I didn't have to "come out"... or a place where heterosexuals had to worry about people's reactions when they told others they were straight, just so they know how it feels, lol.

I would love it if churches would accept you for who you are, and not want to change you, if you didn't have to worry that friends would treat you differently because they know you're gay.

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"Ne donne un baiser, ma mie, que la bague au doigt" -Méphistophélès from Faust (Don't give a kiss, my sweetheart, until the ring is on your finger)

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feefiefofemme
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You know, I actually did a mid-length piece of fiction a while back about a society in which things were switched around and gay/lesbian was the accepted norm and hetrosexuals were marginalized. Although I've lost track of the story itself now, it was a very interesting piece to write. I had a great time of it. It touched on all those happy-lovely ideas of acceptance and what "normal" really is.
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PenguinBoy
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Wouldn't it be great to be able to tell someone that I'm not a straight opposite-sex-only heterosexual, and not have to watch their faces go -

"aaaah that explains it" As if all my physical characteristics and opinions and mannerisms have some how suddenly become accounted for. As if the minute fraction of my life that is sexual preference has defined my entire dress sense and persona!

Because I feel near-definitely that it's the exact reaction I would get. And I'm very much terrified of losing ownership of my own personality to any titles people would give me, extremely resistant.

[ 02-19-2007, 01:51 PM: Message edited by: PenguinBoy ]

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Irm
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When I bring a female friend around often, my mother would tease me in the same annoying "So are you guys together yet?" way that she does when I spend a significant amount of time around a male friend.

My teachers would give me that holier than thou look and say generically, "You know to use a condom or dental dam, right?"

People would exclaim apathetically, "Get a frickin' hotel room" when they passed me snogging my girlfriend in the hallway.

I'd roll my eyes and change the channel whenever a commercial came on the tellie for some lame teenage movie where two boys are fawning over each other benath a sparkling ocean of purple chocolate doves or whatever the heck.

Whenever I declare that I have a girlfriend, the adults in my life will exchange looks, forget my girlfriend's name, and in general give no regard to my silly teenage relationship.

In general, all the sappy, "eh" things that surround het teen relationships now. They're not cool, but enduring the same insults to my gay relationships would be oddly validating and... lifey. You know, in the you-look-back-at-it-later-with-a-crooked-content-smile way.

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bluejumprope
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In my utopia, I think I'd want everyone to be queer. Or, at least, a much larger percentage than 10%. My dating pool would be huge. It would be so nice to walk around and see queer people everywhere, of every age. Asking people out would simply be a pleasure, not at all stressful. There would definitely be butch girls everywhere I went [Smile]

As for relationships: they'd all be amazingly authentic and warm. My partners would all be people I really liked and respected and felt a kinship with. We'd feel super safe with each other and have awesome chemistry. (My current partner would be in my utopia too).

Honestly, I'd want my family to be more distant in regard to my relationships. I'd want to be able to be open about people I was seeing, and have them be happy for me, but basically leave us alone, and let my relationships be mine.

And, of course, the whole place would have to be a safe space. No worries about violence. Everyone would really value safe community.

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without tenderness, we are in hell. -Adrienne Rich

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Idir
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Hmm...
Interestingly enough, I just watched a certain comedy on Logo, which says that the world was originally entirely queer, and then a straight baby was born, and more straight people were born, and they reproduced, and the oh-so-liberal queers in power gave civil rights to the heterosexual minority, and now they're in power - but it's starting allover again, now that we queers want civil rights, to become dominant again, and then...
You can picture the rest.
A majoritarily queer world would be fantastic, indeed. You'd have more choices, you wouldn't feel ostracized, and you could potentially ask more people out, as bluejumprope said.

I'd love to live in a place where everyone is bisexual, it would be really fun, and an enriching, liberating sexual experience for everyone. And probably a bit more androgynous. But not exclusively. Probably because I fall for lesbian women way too often, even though I'm a queer man.

(...which again makes me think of the joke that says that bisexuals have two times more potential partners, which isn't quite true, as they (we? I'm still unsure) only have most people from the opposite gender, and a few from the same one available. That's still more than the potential partners of monosexuals, though.)

A world with no STDs, as well - plus one in which people of the same sex could reproduce, too. That would be wonderful, and more tolerance, so that you can happily walk with your SSSO (same-sex significant other [Wink] ) and not have to worry about someone beating you up because of this.

Oh, and people understanding that "gay" really means that they do NOT have a significant change of being with you if they happen to be from the opposite sex. It's a daily struggle to have to get rid of people that think that you just haven't met the "right girl" yet and that wanna "turn" you straight.

So... one's orientation should be respected. As well as the power of self-labeling - I don't want people to label me, I use my own label, use it or stop pigeon-holing me, thank you very much.

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I know there is an over the rainbow for me.

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