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Author Topic: is this flirting?
soundofwhite
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hey guys. [Smile]
hope u can give me some advice


ok im REALLY bad at flirting. and im really shy so even if i think it is its probably not very obvious.

anyway theres this girl at work i like and was jsut wondering if you would consider this her flirting with me or just being freindly?

firstly, i hav only worked there 7 months, and for the first 2 i SERIOUSLY thought she likd me, but i didnt like her! i only started liking her about 2-3 months into working there. and i think thinking she liked me is what got me interested in her and made me pay more attention.

here is a couple of things that hav stuck out to me as maybe its more then "friendly"

- i used to be on the refit team at my work, so we had to wear bright red embarrasing shirts. and once i was standing with a couple of other girls putting labels on stuff. when i feel someone come up close right behind me and whisper in my ear "your new shirt looks sexy"
i could feel her breathe on my ear
i thought it was one of my friends playing with me so i turned around to laugh at them. and it was HER! lol
i went sooo red xD lol. and one of the other girls asked what she said and she goes "nothing just making fun of your shirts" and she smiled really big at me and then walked off

it was really random xD shes NEVER done anything like that before.

- she asked to borrow the L Word dvds off me. and a few days later said she had watched 3 disks and loves it.

- she asked if i had a boyfriend. and when i said no it kinda went awakrd silence. and she said "smart girl, they arent worth the trouble" then it went back to silent xD

- shes asked me to wait for her so we can walk out of work together. and always would ask me to come into a shop with her to get something

- once when i finished work. she quickly asked for a smoke break and came with me. and coz it was night i had to get let out the back door. and it was like 10pm. and it was just us 2 and my dad was late to pick me up. and i was leaning against a wall. and it was literally like 30 metres long. and she stood RIGHT next to me. probably like 30 cm from me. and it was really silent. then my stupid dad pulled up xD

- she always smiles really big when she sees me and asks how i am. and whnever she talks to me she looks me right in the eye. also if there is more then us 2 she still looks at me even if the other person is talking.

- ive caught her looking at me bfeore. and when i look she looks away.

things like that...

im just not sure. if she means more by it. and i hav no idea if shes gay/bi or not.

we are friends, not GREAT coz we dont talk that much, but id definitly say friends. and she held back the fact she had kids until like 3 months after we met. which is odd. coz she had pletny of chances to mention them. she always just said she was going home alone. things like that.
and she ended up telling me she had one. then a few weeks later said she had 2 (one is 6 one is 2)
so i know shes not gay. but she could be bi.
shes been single since i met her. and she is definitly gay friendly.

im just so confused!! sorry if its to long

[ 07-21-2008, 11:54 PM: Message edited by: soundofwhite ]

Posts: 8 | From: australia | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
soundofwhite
Neophyte
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also forgot to mention. i USED to work with her, she works on the checkouts. so i got to talk to her a bit. and we used to finish the same time, thats how we would walk out together.

BUT now im working night shifts at the same store, just on floor. so i start when she finishes. so for the last about 2 months i havnt spent much time with her at all. except i usually go past just to say hi and she will talk to me even if shes serving someone. and seems genuinly really happy to.

also a few days ago, one of my friends, i had NO IDEA she was going to or did this until like 2 days later. had gone into my work and talked to the girl i like xD and told her that i talk about her all the time and think shes the best.

i was mortified lol. i cant believe she did that xD

but the girl i like took it really well. my friend said she was REALLY happy. and said that it was so nice of me and she had no idea she had that impression on me and said "thats cool"
my friend said she seemed really happy and flattered and didnt think i liked her that much as a friend.

ive only seen this girl once since that happened and she still was really happy to see me. and i waved at her as i past. coz i was walking around a corner. and she called out my name so i went back. and she just said "hav a nice weekend" and left xD i duno if she wanted to say more, but she was with 2 girls so it might of stopped her?

im not sure.

Posts: 8 | From: australia | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
paper towel
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awwa, that's cute. i'd say she is flirting, but you may just wanna ask up front. you say she's gay friendly, so i doubt she'd get angry or weirded out by you taking that kind of interest in her, whether she's bi or not.
Posts: 52 | From: Oregon | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
telo
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I feel like from what you said she's TOTALLY into you.
Making comments about the L Word and asking about a boyfriend are good tactics for finding out if a girl is straight or not, I think. XP
The kids thing kinda throws me off though, I'm not sure.
I don't know how you should go about this. Maybe you could try furthering the relationship, like asking to hang outside of work some time.. Have a faux date, maybe a movie or shopping since those are general activities and can lead to conversation etc later.
Update when you can [Big Grin]

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soundofwhite
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haha thanks guys for replying [Smile]
this is driving me crazy thinking about it so it helps when other people can put in their outside perspective.

yeah when she asked about the boyfriend, i thought it may hav been more then just asking. like she was trying to find out. by the way she smiled when i said no.
but this was back when i hadnt known her that long and was to scared to come out to her coz i didnt know how she would react.
but if she had asked me today i would of told her i was gay.
also she saw me with one of my friends in work. and later that night when she finished she came and asked if i had a good time with my friend that day. and the way she said it i just couldnt help but think she was trying to find out if that was my girlfriend lol

i duno if she suspects i am or not, but borrowing the L Word dvds off me, she knows i love that show xD

and YEAH i know. i was so convinced she was gay until she brought up the kids xD then i thought o god shes straight lol. she talks about the ex boyfriend a few times, but from the sounds of it he treated her like crap.
and she makes a lot of comments about guys..in a negative way lol xD thats one of the things that made me think she was gay at the start.

its just so CONFUSING. one minute im sure she likes me, then the next i think shes straight and i hav no chance.

and coz i work with her i dont want to make it awkward. and i really do like her as a friend. so i dont want to ruin that.

by the way im only 20 and she is 28
so maybe shes worried about how ill react dating someone with kids coz im much younger?

i really want to ask her to the movies, but she works days and i work nights so its reall hard!!
and lately ive only been seeing her once a week coz of the hours i hav. [Frown]

also some other things i thought of is when we hav been talking sometimes she touches me, once she touched my hair.

she stands really close to me

she has met my dad and my aunt. and has made a really big effort to be nice and friendly to them. and they think shes great.
they dont know im gay though LOL.

she asked if i wanted to meet one of her daughters.

shes talked to her mum about me xD

she always walks the long way so she passes me

Posts: 8 | From: australia | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PenguinBoy
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I don't think being negative about guys really says much about anyone's sexuality! It's more about who you DO like.

There are lots and lots of "signs" here, but as far as signs go you can never have real certainty nor truly know what someone is thinking.

Perhaps you could see her while she's working, if you like, and you could set some up some time to hang out, enjoy each other's company, this would all be good.

I'd say, if you feel ready to come out with it to her, and you've felt signals that she feels the same, AND you want to take the risk, then go go go for it!

[ 07-23-2008, 04:48 PM: Message edited by: PenguinBoy ]

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soundofwhite
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yeah i know. the last girl i fell for (for the last 3 years) there was so many signs she liked me and when i confessd to her, she didnt :/
so i dont want to be a fool and fall for it all over again.
i cant handle that


i was gonna talk to her yesterday and today. but both days she has been away [Frown]
i actually asked to finish work a hour early the day before so i would finish the same time as her today XD so i could walk her out like i used to. but she was away. ugh

and today i heard shes really sick. so i sent her a text, i duno if its her number, its the number she messaged me off once. so i was assuming it was hers.
so i sent one like asking if shes okay and hope she feels better
but she never wrote back. and its been like 10 hours [Frown]

i duno what to think

Posts: 8 | From: australia | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PenguinBoy
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I see!

That's the problem with relying on technology i suppose, there's even more "not knowing" about it.

You know, there's nothing that really makes you a fool for letting someone know you like them and them not feeling the same. It's just something that happens, and there's never any other exact way of knowing. If you avoid the risk completely it will be impossible to even attempt getting into any relationship you want.

I hear you say you're scared of taking the risk, but, at the same time, you're also saying you're upset for not having been able to contact her. This seems to me like you're hoping for two opposites! Which isn't going to do much for how you feel... and you've got a total of two sad faces in one post!


There's no need to feel so down about this! This is after all only one girl, who at the worst quite likes you as a person, and at the best is attracted to you.

There's lots of other things that could be going on in your life that you can influence, so there's no need to let 'the fact that you need to wait a little for this bit' get to you.

Rejection can really be difficult (for me/us too!) and it's made a lot-lot tougher when we invest a huge amount of 'what we think would make us happy' into what we imagine that one other person fulfilling.

If this is how you feel, perhaps you could step back a little emotionally, from this girl. Chill out, have some fun elsewhere in your life, and then, if you want, you can pursue her next time you see her.

If anything, I bet it'd be fun just to hang out with her.

So yeah, I'm sensing you need to look after yourself a little (correct me if I'm wrong), if you do that, not only will it be a lot easier to deal with if she doesn't want to get romantic, but it'll make that risk you're scared of taking appear soo much smaller and it'll also help things work out better if you do both decide to get involved.

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Posts: 633 | From: Bedfordshire, UK | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
soundofwhite
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ugh yeah stupid technology
i talked to her today and she never got the message. she said she would send me her number when she finished work if she didnt forget lol.
but she finished like a hour ago and i havnt got it so mayb she forgot. or she will do it later. god i hope so xD

when i saw her. i called out her name coz she was past me. and she turned around and when she saw me she got a massive smile on her face and said hi and she stopped walking. even though she lookd like she was in a real hurry. and i was like "how are u?"
and she said "better then i was"
xD
and she goes "what time do u finish?"
and i said 5. and thats all she said xD she kept walking and she turned back and smiled at me. and i kept watching her as she walked off. and she turned around again and waved at me xD
soooo cute

then when i finished (coz she finishes at 5.30) i went through her checkout to say hi. and asked if she got my message. and we chatted for like a minute but she had to serve someone so i let her go.
the whole time she was like [Big Grin]

i told her i was going away for the weekend. and she was asking me heaps of questions.
and told me to hav a good time and she said "and ill message u my number when i finish and if i dont im sorry xD im really shocking with remembering stuff lol"

god i hope she hasnt forgottttt. xD
ive got 3 messages since she told me xD and each time my heart stops lol. but its not her yet lol

and as i walked off after saying goodbye. she turned to look at me xD and she was smiling still

ill update if she does!

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soundofwhite
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ok i think she forgot. its been 4 hours
Posts: 8 | From: australia | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
soundofwhite
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ok! well i talked to her today!



i lined up in her line to say hi when ifinished. as soon as she saw me she got a massive smile and said hey.

and when i finally got to the front of the line she goes "im sorry i didnt message u, i told u id forget lol"

and she said if she doesnt message me again remind her tomorrow

so she actually WANTS me to hav her number she just has a bad memory xD lmaoo

we didnt get to talk long coz she was busy. but im so glad she said sorry xD i was beginning to worry to had rejected me haha. and when i walkd off i turned back to look at her and she turned back and smiled at me

im so confusssed xD

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PenguinBoy
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I don't get what you're confused about. She wants to see you and you're getting signals that she's attracted to you. You can't expect to undestand more than that, or to be able to read people minds.

Are you confused, or is it something else?

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soundofwhite
Neophyte
Member # 39427

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i dont know.. [Frown]
i guess im just too scared to ask her out and be rejected again.

but i hav updates!

last night she sent me her number. THEN she sent me a messge saying "can i ring you?"
i was like HOLY SHITT Xd
and we talked for a hour till midnight xD

im still as confused as ever, i was trying to work out if she was flirting or she said anything that could indicate she was gay xD

but i was WAY to nervous to tell xD i was litereally shaking the whole time xD

i still havnt even comprehended it all xD

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Loo
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Hey, I was wondering, has anything developed with this girl?
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Ninette
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Haha she is DEFINITELY interested in you 'that way'. Definitly. No reason to be confused about that. How serious she is or how far she is willing to take it, and whether this will develop into a relationship, is something that you'll probably come to discover pretty soon. I can tell you though, as much fun as she's probably having with all this, she could be afraid of being rejected too. I know how frustrating it is to be attracted to someone who's a lesbian and feel like maybe they don't get it just because they assumed you were completely straight. And I never wanted to bring up the fact that I was into girls myself because I didn't want to seem too flirty or obvious. It sucks, because I hate the reaction of, "wow, I never would have guessed that you like girls". It's a little embarassing.
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