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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Frustrated over age and my dad.

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Author Topic: Frustrated over age and my dad.
Romanshoes
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Member # 30043

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I'm a lesbian. One of my best friends is bi. We've only known each other a year, but we totally hit it off. A couple days ago, I told her that I liked her in that way...and she said that she liked me too! I was really excited until she said it was probably a bad idea that we start dating...not because it might mess up our friendship, but because of two things:

1. Our ages.
2. My dad.

I'm 16, and she's 19. I'm a junior in high school still living at home, she's almost a sophomore in college, has a job, and is just about to move into her own place. The age of consent in our state is 17. I really don't think it matters because I don't want to date her - or anyone - just to have sex, but she wants to be on the safe side, which brings me to #2.

My dad is NOT a fan of my sisters having boyfriends. He claims that dating distracts you from doing well in school, that if you have sex you will instantly get pregnant, that all boys want is to have sex - you know, all of that dumb stuff. I've told him I'm gay, but he's never really brought it up or acknowledged it (when I told him two years ago, he just said "oh, okay, we'll talk about it later" and then we never did). He's very overprotective, very school-oriented, and, at times, very annoying. I'm pretty sure he won't be as in-your-face about pregnancy if it comes out that I'm dating a girl (ha!), but I know he'll freak out about me dating someone three years older with her own apartment.

How do I convince my dad that he's being irrational?

How do I convince her that my dad is not going to have her arrested for statutory?

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As private parts to the gods are we: they play with us for their sport!

Posts: 5 | From: Buffalo NY | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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When someone expresses a boundary or a comfort level, you respect it, rather than trying to convince them not to have it. So, when it comes to your age difference, what I'd suggest you do is simply give her time to sort out her own feelings, but it may also be that she's just telling you she's not interested in dating you, or that she simply feels best being with someone her own age. That might feel even more important given that while three years isn't always a big age difference, that passage of first job/first place is a pretty big planet away from not being there yet, and it's normal to want to kind of gear your life in that direction with who you date, too, if that makes sense. When you're finally getting out on your own, you will often want to deal with folks in the same spot, not have to deal with limitations someone else may have -- parents, not having your own place, not having a job, not being in college yet -- which you have just gotten away from yourself.

Either way, that's a limit she's expressing right now, and even though it's not what you want, and that's a bummer on your part, it's what she seems to have said she feels is best for her, so you gotta just accept that. if she changes her mind, I'm sure she'll let you know.

And that given, I'm not sure possible conflicts with your Dad with this girl are really an issue on the table: if she's nixing dating you, she's nixing dating you, you know?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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