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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » possibly the 2 most annoying questions EVER...

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Author Topic: possibly the 2 most annoying questions EVER...
aubergine dreams
Neophyte
Member # 27597

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I get picked at constantly. For little things I guess. It honestly doesn't bother me though. Like...I 'm comfortable with myself and I love me, ha. There are just 2 questions that as a lesbian, really get under my skin.

"oh my gaaaash, how do the two of you have sex?!?"
In my opinion, that question is pretty dang ignorant. If I wanted to tell you the story of my sex life, believe me I would. My answer never fails though. It's quite immature and ignorant in itself but two can play...
"we scissor...duh."


or perhaps...

"which one of you is the boy?"

whyyy is that such a concern? The whole femme, dyke status. I don't get it.

Anybody else get urked by these questions, or something along the lines...

Posts: 11 | From: virginia | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, butch/femme isn't really about girl/boy for women who DO do butch/femme. It's more complex than that, and certainly is not about, in the ideal, replicating heteronormative or gendernormative dynamics.

But hetero people, or more accurately, hetero people who have very rigid ideas about gender roles, have a tough time sometimes seeing things outside of those roles. And that's not just a problem because of seme-sex coupling: even in opposite sex couples, that's often problematic because given a choice, we can safely say most people won't want to have to be limited to rigid gender roles.

As far as the first question, it can be helpful just to say, "the same way anyone else does." Vaginal intercourse alone isn't the only sex for ANYONE, and most for women of any stripe, it's hardly the best sex for them, or if they only had to choose ONE sexual activity they could do, would it be the likely one a majority of women would choose.

When we have sex with women, there really is nothing we can't do that anyone else can. Even vaginal intercourse, if and when we want it among women, is easily accomplished per how it feels, genitally and overall, with strap-on play, with hands, or yep, by scissoring.

I think I've often been less irked by those questions simply because even in high school, I was the sort of resident sex educator. Most people know little about any kind of sex, and most people aren't sexually educated that well, especially in an inclusive way, so it can be a bit easier to be patient with ignorance when you bear in mind that it's often not the fault of the person who is ignorant.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
plain milyeh
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oh god. the "how do girls do it with other girls?" question just makes me giggle. do people seriously have so little imagination that they can't figure that one out on their own?

incidently, have you heard of/read any comics by erika moen? just 'cause she happens to address these kinds of questions a bunch in her work, and she's my hero: http://projectkooky.com/erika/

Posts: 108 | From: caaaaanada. ('cause we've got rocks and trees and trees and rocks...) | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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(Hey Plain: we love Erika too, and the best part is, she loves Scarleteen! [Smile] )

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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