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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » what do i do?

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Author Topic: what do i do?
leounleashed
Neophyte
Member # 42038

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Ok so there is this guy that always stares at me during class. And he always seems like he wants to say something; however, when we talk (which has been a couple brief moments)we both seem nervous. I would say something and he would respond and then a few moments later he'll say something and then i'll respond. I am out to the school so I'm pretty sure he would know that I am gay. This would seem like a relationship about to happen but,

he has a girlfriend. and she is the daughter of a preacher. So I really don't know what to do...

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CJT
Assistant Director
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Leo, I'm not psychic (I sometimes wish I were, but no dice) so of course I can't know for sure what this person in your class is thinking for sure.

That said, I'd suggest that perhaps the most fruitful way to go about figuring this stuff out is to keep talking with him and get to know him a little better. Some people are shy or awkward so I'm not sure how much it's good to read too far in to the brief conversations you've had with him. There could be many reasons he stares or seems to want to talk to you, but the only way to know for sure would be to get to know him better and wait and see.

Even if you are out, that may or may not be on his radar, and it may or may not have anything to do with how he is interacting with you.

It seems a little early to dwell too much on whether he has a girlfriend and what that means. It seems like for now perhaps just talking with him more and getting to know him might be your best bet.

If it turns out there is more to it after you get to know him, at that point the two of you would get to figure out the situation of him having a girlfriend. It doesn't sound like it's at that point though.

Even though it can be kind of anxiety producing, I'd encourage you just to be friendly and be yourself and give this one time to see if there's anything romantic or sexual behind it.

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leounleashed
Neophyte
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yeah I get what you are saying.
I'll just hold on and remain hopefully.
thanks

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CJT
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Sure, no problem! Is this someone you would want to be friends with even if he were not interested in you romantically or sexually?
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leounleashed
Neophyte
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Of course.
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CJT
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Cool. Then, yes, I would definitely suggest moving forward getting to know him, coming earnestly from a place of friendship. That way, if that is all this turns out to be, you will not be upset. If after you guys get to know each other better and it turns out that he expresses feelings for you, or you express further feelings for him, then that will be a nice bonus, huh?
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leounleashed
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You bet.
So in the end it would really be a win-win situation either way.

So if we do become friends and he continues to act the same way, do I bring it up in conversation or do I wait till he says something about it?

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CJT
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I think that totally depends on your comfort level. Some people are more likely to initiate that conversation than others, and not knowing this guy I'm not sure what his personality is. As long as you don't think that he'd react in some kind of violent or mean way, I don't think there's a harm in bringing it up and asking him directly if you feel like you're getting those signs down the road. I don't think I'd recommend asking him that just yet--it doesn't sound like you two have much relationship to go off of, and so it might be hard to get a sense of the signals he's giving.

I think that will be something you'll get a better sense of after you've talked more with him. As much as it can be difficult, sometimes overplanning strategy can keep us from enjoying the moments we have with the folks we like! Hopefully you can just enjoy getting to know this person and whatever seems to arise out of the relationship, be it friendship or more.

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leounleashed
Neophyte
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yeah that is very true.
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