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Author Topic: Shyness
Ashey
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hi um i need advice my friends try to help but all they do is make it worse. i am so incredibly shy around girls that i think are pretty or the ones i like and i don't know how to get over it, i mean around my friends im outgoing and friendly but as soon as i see a girl that's attractive to me i freeze up, blush, mumble, stutter and get annoyingly clumsy and i don't know how to stop i get made fun of for it and since im not exactly out of the closet to everyone i can't explain to them why i get so weird so kind words would be appreciated and im sorry if this is in the wrong section im not sure where it belongs thanks

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What you see is what you get!! Nothin more

Posts: 12 | From: Seattle | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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Have you tried just treating the girls you're attracted to as you would anyone else? Easier said than done of course, but I think a lot of the nervousness comes in when you feel pressure to impress someone and that pressure just isn't necessary.

Instead of putting that pressure on yourself (assuming that is indeed what's going on here), why not focus more on getting to know them as friends? Even if a romantic relationship is the eventual goal trying to be friends first can be much less intimidating.

If I've completely misread your situation let me know and I'll try to answer with something more relevant.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ashey
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No that sounds about right! I guess im just afraid of people's reactions like the psat school year i had a friend who was bi and she had a girlfriend and i really liked my friend and she broke up with her girlfriend because i hated her but whenever they would kiss people would be like ugh and that scared me because i figured you know if by some slim chance i get a girlfriend who's right for me and i wanna kiss her i don't want people to be like ugh your a dyke i totally hate that word it bugs me to no end when someone calls someone that, anyway back to what i was saying i get off track easily um i know people are gonna be like self-confidence! but all the girls i like are way out of my leaue we're talkin blonde pretty eyes skinny and of course as we know blondes have more fun and they make me laugh but i always figure they could never like me like that so i just kind of try to let it go and the tricky thing being all the girls i like are straight i have only a few gay/lesbian friends and they get me but my straight friends try i have to give em credit they accepted me and that's great

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What you see is what you get!! Nothin more

Posts: 12 | From: Seattle | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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Ooh, the "out of my league" attitude can't help either. There isn't much you can do about someone you like being straight but you can definitely ask lesbian and bisexual girls out -- no matter what they look like.

Seriously, odds are you are the only one who thinks you aren't good enough for someone. I think letting go of that idea and approaching people as an equal will help with the shyness as well.

I'm sorry you're in an environment where people think it's okay to name-call and other nonsense. Unfortunately the only advice I have for you there is to keep your safety in mind when you do anything. I'm all for queer visibility but not at the expense of anyone's physical or emotional safety.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ashey
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The thing is though all of my lesbian or bi friends are dating someone so that puts me at a disadvantage plus i mean im happy with who i am im not like ashamed im gay if someone asks me if im gay ill say yes if you don't like it tough cookies lol im so weird i only have roughly 6 gay friends 2 male and 4 female and they all are dating someone so i feel left out and the girl i was gonna go out with who incidentaly was my friend that broke up with her girlfriend now has a boyfriend and isn't at school anymore otherwise i would have been happy and had my first girlfriend but then she said oh im doing insight and wont be coming back to school so it kind of sucks

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What you see is what you get!! Nothin more

Posts: 12 | From: Seattle | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ashey
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Ok i decided to revisit this to see what i said and stuff and looking back i've changed a little bit for the better. i've stopped concentrating on romance in my life more on school, someone should give me a scooby snack for that one um im less shy but still pretty shy to the point where i have a hard time meeting new people. I still have the issue of liking straight girls which does nothing for my personal happiness but i've learned to look more at people's personalities than at looks, which is pretty good for my age i think, still i guess my shyness has negative impacts besides doubting my ability to find a girl that's into me for me but lately i've had the problem of girls leading me on and it's not like i asked for it all i want to know is if i give off the appearance of someone who wants to be led on and lied to? i certainly don't think so but maybe that's what everyone else see's when they look at me and to add even more drama in my life i've got a huge crush on my tutor in 3rd period and i made a fool of myself like 10 times in one sitting and my parent's don't know that their daughter ( me) is a lesbian and im not about to tell them because my mother believes that my friends are "leading me down the path of gayness" which is completly ridiculous and makes me want to scream! what do you think?

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What you see is what you get!! Nothin more

Posts: 12 | From: Seattle | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Surferchk07
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quote:
Originally posted by Ashey:
Ok i decided to revisit this to see what i said and stuff and looking back i've changed a little bit for the better. i've stopped concentrating on romance in my life more on school, someone should give me a scooby snack for that one um im less shy but still pretty shy to the point where i have a hard time meeting new people. I still have the issue of liking straight girls which does nothing for my personal happiness but i've learned to look more at people's personalities than at looks, which is pretty good for my age i think, still i guess my shyness has negative impacts besides doubting my ability to find a girl that's into me for me but lately i've had the problem of girls leading me on and it's not like i asked for it all i want to know is if i give off the appearance of someone who wants to be led on and lied to? i certainly don't think so but maybe that's what everyone else see's when they look at me and to add even more drama in my life i've got a huge crush on my tutor in 3rd period and i made a fool of myself like 10 times in one sitting and my parent's don't know that their daughter ( me) is a lesbian and im not about to tell them because my mother believes that my friends are "leading me down the path of gayness" which is completly ridiculous and makes me want to scream! what do you think?

First off I think I know you...Your on my myspace or Ive seen you on myspace maybe? If not than ignore that comment. lol

You know you cant help who you crush on it just happens. And as for always getting lied to maybe your putting out some type of energy about it. You just need to be confident and not take **** and then that energy will show.

As for your parents, just tell them your life will be so much easier cause of it I sware. Once I told my mom it made things so much easier. Plus your in Seattle its a nice gay friendly community. And as for your parents saying your friends are turning you gay *shrugs* parents tend to think that. My mom thought that cause all my friends are pretty much lesbians thats why I decided to be one but I told her no Ive always been a lesbian and made her understand it.

Just be yourself and things will work out.

Posts: 154 | From: Seattle, WA | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ashey
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Member # 31578

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Yay someone else from Seattle! The myspace thing could be a possibility i can't get on anymore so that sucks i have two cause i lost the password to my first one. Anyway back to the issue at hand ive had talks with my friends at school and they tell me to be myself, but i try and i still end up getting hurt and that makes me not wanna come out of the closet till im out of high school and out of my parents house. My dad already suspects i am, he told me i look like a lesbian like a few weeks ago but i never admitted anything and my mother who i do not like at all, to which people tell me " Hey! you should love your mom" not when she does all that stupid stuff, is Catholic and to her homosexuality is wrong which i don't believe is right. Plus one of my friends basically said it was over the top that im a lesbian and she's bi her self which angers me to no end, she said " I know some guys suck, but not liking them at all is a little over the top, don't you think?" ummm no not really ugh i vent way to much

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What you see is what you get!! Nothin more

Posts: 12 | From: Seattle | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Surferchk07
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quote:
Originally posted by Ashey:
Yay someone else from Seattle! The myspace thing could be a possibility i can't get on anymore so that sucks i have two cause i lost the password to my first one. Anyway back to the issue at hand ive had talks with my friends at school and they tell me to be myself, but i try and i still end up getting hurt and that makes me not wanna come out of the closet till im out of high school and out of my parents house. My dad already suspects i am, he told me i look like a lesbian like a few weeks ago but i never admitted anything and my mother who i do not like at all, to which people tell me " Hey! you should love your mom" not when she does all that stupid stuff, is Catholic and to her homosexuality is wrong which i don't believe is right. Plus one of my friends basically said it was over the top that im a lesbian and she's bi her self which angers me to no end, she said " I know some guys suck, but not liking them at all is a little over the top, don't you think?" ummm no not really ugh i vent way to much

Haha theres alot of people from Seattle on here if you take a look around. ;-)

Honestly coming out was the best thing I ever did. The first week or so my mother wasnt happy but shes fine with it now and she has accepted me as who I am.
Now since your mom is very catholic/ homophobic maybe you should just tell your dad and if he takes it well maybe he will back you up when you tell your mom so she doesnt freak out as bad. Eventually your going to have to tell them so telling them when your young will be alot easier.

I thought about waiting to come out tell I was 18, so i could just move out or something. But I decided to tell them now (im 17) and that way they have to learn to accept me cause they cant kick me out yet (haha). Seriously just do it and come out. nothing is wrong with being a lesbian, or being bi, or being straight. Nothing is wrong with being yourself.
You just cant be scared to be your self. Remember this world is still an unfair place lets be honest so some people arnt going to accept you but the only way this world can get better is if people do come out and be like this is who i am in whatever it is. The only way we can get equailty as women or as a gay/lesbian/bisexual is to come out and to let the world know that were here and were just like them. We are all people.

Seriously just do it your gonna be so much happier once you do.

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Elizabeth

"Peace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence; confidence; and justice." -Spinoza

Posts: 154 | From: Seattle, WA | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ashey
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Im very ignorent i don't tend to look where people are from just what they have to say. My realtionship with my mother is very strained because she favors my sister and it's very obvious, even my dad agrees theres some favoritism going on. Like i said my dad and i hang out together alot, im the first born so i tend to be a daddy's girl and he i belive knows i haven't said a word and when he gives me "lectures" about love and stuff he always throws in a lesbian comment for example " See people are crazy, that's why when you start dating someone ( they don't let me date but i'll do it anyway) you gotta make sure they're not crazy wether it be man or WOMAN." Maybe im reading to much into that but i think he suspects because im not girly at all i like my sweatshirts and basketball shorts when it's not too frickin cold out ( stupid weather) anyway, im very proud that im a lesbian. It took me a while to figure it out, but when i did i felt better, guys teased me cause to be honest im not skinny or pretty so it hurt when i liked guys but now that i don't they can say things to me and im just like " You're opinion doesn't matter anymore." Im a lot happier now that i've came out to myself and some of my friends who still love me except for that one friend who im not happy with right now, but it's still the little things that irk me.

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Posts: 12 | From: Seattle | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Surferchk07
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Yeah it sounds like your dad already knows so when you tell him he will probably be like "it took you long enough" or something.

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Elizabeth

"Peace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence; confidence; and justice." -Spinoza

Posts: 154 | From: Seattle, WA | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ashey
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This morning my dad told me to stop leaving notes out cause my mom went to him and said "Ashley no longer thinks she's bisexual she thinks she's a lesbian." when she doesn't even have the guts to come say it to my face, and basically my dad said he doesn't care what i chose.

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What you see is what you get!! Nothin more

Posts: 12 | From: Seattle | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Surferchk07
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quote:
Originally posted by Ashey:
This morning my dad told me to stop leaving notes out cause my mom went to him and said "Ashley no longer thinks she's bisexual she thinks she's a lesbian." when she doesn't even have the guts to come say it to my face, and basically my dad said he doesn't care what i chose.

Hmm Well your dad is supportive so thats cool and your mom knows now. So you may want to just go ahead and tell her "So I heard you found my notes"... and see what she says.
Chances are shes going to say something like your not really a lesbian you dont know what you are right now and your probably just bi. Cause thats a form of denial for parents.

My mom said I wasnt really a lesbian and I change all the time. (Which is true in some ways every few months I change my style but not who I am and who i am interested in romantically)

Anyway yeah just tell your mom you heard she found some notes and then tell her you are a lesbian indeed. And from whatever she says just be prepared for her denial in the matter.

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Elizabeth

"Peace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence; confidence; and justice." -Spinoza

Posts: 154 | From: Seattle, WA | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ashey
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My dad is the only one of my parent's i can trust because he doesn't snoop like my mom does. While i was driving to my grandma's house with my dad in the passengers seat he said that my mom's been trying to figure out why i like girls, i just do. My mom tunes me out when i say something to her either that or she talks over me cause she doesn't really care what i have to say, so i never tell her anything, if she actually cared with what i had to say to her and listened i might tell her more. It's gotten to the point where i can't sleep over at another girls house because my mom doesn't trust me, even when my sister just asked to sleep over at her friends house, my mom says no to me and when i asked why she said "Cause she doesn't keep secrets" ugh, that makes me so angry. my mom acts like because she's so absorbed with work and doesn't really have friends i can't and because her marriage to my father sucks because she lies all the time, i can't have a relationship, well i don't care anymore im just gonna go behind her back and start lying about it like she does.

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What you see is what you get!! Nothin more

Posts: 12 | From: Seattle | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Surferchk07
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Listen shes just in denial right now. You might as well not lie to her. just tell her everything like that will make her realize this isnt some phase.

When i first told my mom she didnt want to talk about it at all, she wanted to think it was a phase. Now she treats it just like i was in a relationship with a man.

Honestly just dont hide stuff from her cause than shes just gonna deny everything more. Be yourself, be honest and tell her what you think and even though she wont accept it, eventually she will learn to.

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Elizabeth

"Peace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence; confidence; and justice." -Spinoza

Posts: 154 | From: Seattle, WA | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ashey
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You're right, it's just not fair that she sees it as somethings mentally wrong with me. She just doesn't want one of her daughters to be a lesbian, i think she wants grandkids or something but im not a kid person so it wouldn't have happened anyway. The only thing im worried about is when i have my first girlfriend is how my mom will treat her because if she's gonna just ignore her or not let me see her then she needs to just get over it.

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What you see is what you get!! Nothin more

Posts: 12 | From: Seattle | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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