Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » How do i teach her

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: How do i teach her
VursatyleOne
Neophyte
Member # 26807

Icon 1 posted      Profile for VursatyleOne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My girl and i have been together for about 5 months. now shes new to the whole lesbian game and im tryin 2 teach her how to please me in bed but i dont know how. i can tell shes a freak but i dont know how 2 make her open up. im always the one makin the moves and stuff. and id like to get some action to every once in a while. not much. and she dont know what to do and i dont know how 2 tell her. im not a very good instructor. ive always had experienced girlfriends and now i have 2 be the teacher and i dont know where 2 start. she startin 2 feel and kiss on my upper body but thats progressin slowly. got any advice 4 me.
Posts: 3 | From: Powder Springs,Ga,USA | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You know, this would be the case with any new partner overall -- if we don't kid ourselves about thinking knowing how to please one person means knowing how to please all -- but especially with someone new to sex, period, no matter their gender or orientation.

Basically, it sounds like you BOTH have new things to learn. Seems like you didn't learn to sexually comminicate very well with your previous partners, because what they did just happened to work for you, and like you didn't have to find out much what worked for yourself. And she's new to your body, new to being with women, possibly new to partnered sex as a whole.

So, why not open up communication by saying something like, "You know, we both are new to aspects of this. I'm new to learning how to find what I want and communicate it; you're new to almost exactly the same things. And we're both a little uncomfortable with feeling new to this, so what do you say we take the baby steps together."

That came out a bit cheeseball, but you get my drift.

Is she telling YOU what she likes easily? If so, maybe she can help you do same. If not, then she needs to learn that too: after all you both need those skills with each other, even if she appears more satisfied than you are right now. You can talk about taking turns initiating, or even taking turns for a while, as you get used to each other, with every sexual session you spedn together being about oen of you for the night, then the next time about the other.

And of course, in all this you can both just start talking about what you like, what feels good, what you want to do. You can both look at books together on female anatomy and sexual response. Have fun with it, seriously: it shouldn't be a chore to explore each other as long as you get creative and like being in each othr's company to begin with.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
VursatyleOne
Neophyte
Member # 26807

Icon 1 posted      Profile for VursatyleOne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
yeah i was always settled with what everyone else did that i didnt have to communicate because they knew just what to do. I dont know how to start communicating with her. I can tell we both dont know where to start. She knows kissing me turns me on but when i ask her she doesnt know because shes never been in that position. So im really her first. All i can do is try to do what people do on me but sometimes i cant because of what she may be think.Kinda like what da hell is she doin. Even when i did communicate with my old partners it was after they had tried something and we said something about it and joked around. How do i get her to initate something? she starts kissin me to know she wants to do something but i always end up doin something and if i dont do nothin then all we do is kiss the whole time. that gets boring when nothing else is being done.
Posts: 3 | From: Powder Springs,Ga,USA | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, do you see what you said in your last sentence there?

You start kissing, she wants to do something for you, but instead of either giving her space to explore, or telling her what you'd like, you take the riens from her and deny her those opportunities.

So, again, you BOTH have to learn to communicate. That means TALKING to her instead of wondering what she's thinking: ASK what she is thinking, ask if she'd like to do or try what you have in mind. In all honesty, it sounds to me like you'r both pretty equally lost here because it sounds like you're used to being a very passive partner with the other partners you had.

Really, a good lover is simply open, honest and creative. Anyone can be those things with NO previous experience. But you do have to be willing to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, to look like a dope sometimes, and to be brave enough to voice your wants and invite the other person to do the same.

And again, that should be FUN. If it's not, or you just keep hitting the wall, both of you, then it might be worth double checking that you both feel ready to be vulnerable, to take some risks emotionally, or per how you appear to each other. Obviously, if you haven't, it's also worth evaluating if a sexual relationship is really the right one for the two of you: as you probably already know, sometimes even when two people are attracted and like each other, a sexual relationship may not be the right one for them at the time.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
VursatyleOne
Neophyte
Member # 26807

Icon 1 posted      Profile for VursatyleOne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
ok. ill try my hardest to communicate more. another thing is. masturbation. every where i read people always say its good to masturbate. ive tried 2 masturbate but its really hard. i dont feel comfortable. ive never had an orgasm with a partner. or if i have i dont know it. i mean things get really intense and then things kind of dies off. then im like ok was that it or what. or other times when its to intense i just stop them or pull away. i dont know if its a self conscious thing because i dont know how to react or how it will feel. i mean like i said kissing gets me aroused, but playing with my clit doesnt. also fingering gets me aroused. and i noticed that anytime i play with any body elses clit they stay aroused but not me. even when ive tried 2 masturbate it doesnt arouse me. and i feel uncomfortable masturbating also. i know all the girls ive been with tend to get wet sometimes alot. but i can never get wet at all the only time i am is when a finger is stimulating my vagina. but after a while it kinda dries up again. is something wrong.
Posts: 3 | From: Powder Springs,Ga,USA | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3