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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » What the . . . !?!!

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Author Topic: What the . . . !?!!
fonz
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Member # 25706

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I am a teenager, im entitled to have fun and to try new things. i really would like to mess around with both girls and boys. I REALLY am curious but i know deep down my future lies with a male partner, i want so much to go wild and try this but im afraid of leading another person (or myself) on or doing something i would deeply regret later because it wasnt right for me. i know im straight deep down but that doesnt stop me wanting to experiment with girls. please help! (also note i hav limited experience with boys and have not had much to do with them for years - maybe on a more practical note this is the area i should work on?)

thanks.


Posts: 78 | From: Inner Sanctum | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Understand something: sex with anyone is about WHO they are, not about what they are.

In other words, a person can't have sex with one woman and then say, "Aha. Now I know wha it's like to have sex with women." Because all you'd know is what it was like to be with THAT woman; that person.

It's normative for young adults to feel very sexually charged and very curious about just about everything. And in our culture right now, there's also a pretty pervasive sentiment out there that it's "wild" for women to have sex with one another, even though it's as normal as anyone having sex with anyone. Lesbian sex life isn't a porn flick, or a "girls gone wild" video. It's intimacy with a person, just like most heterosexual sex is in real life.

So. Should, someday, a real, live women to whom you are attracted and vice-versa come along, then you and she can decide what the right choice is. But until then, there's no sense in freaking out, and certainly no good to come of hunting down a woman as an object, a conquest, or as something you can say you did.


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Mophead
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I know deep down I will be child free in my future but I still play with kids. Dig?

That is to say, it's very unlikely that you'll meet your "life partner" at a very early stage. Young people still date and "mess around" though.

So you will probably date and experiment with a lot of people who you will not end up spending your life with.


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fonz
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Ok yes, i accept that totally . i wouldnt string anyone along for the sake of it - male or female but, please consider the following -

a girl i know told her friends in the class she was a lesbian and i overheard (kinda easy when you sit in the row behind!) but besides being kind of shocked i was really really embaressed for some reason and i think i was pretty turned on too. not attracted to her but just to the idea.

I do look at girls and i like their bodies but mostly i dont think sexually just "wish i had her legs!!!" etc whereas with boys i see possibilities . . .

last but not least, i feel weird about boys touching me sometimes , like they shouldnt be because they are taking advantage or something. i makes me really mad when i see girls treated as sex objects and besides family relations my friendships and emotional connections have always been much stronger with women.

so i guess what im TRYING to say is - i think about this stuff a lot and it might seem really selfish or reverse macho chauvenistic or something like that but there is a difference between thinking and doing and you ,ms scarlet, have given me something to think about there - thank you.

All in all, i think we all know what we are deep down and im straight, i just wish that didnt seem so boring!!!!


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Heather
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You know, I can assure you that most of what seems so exciting about being queer is that fact that a great portion of the world thinks it's wrong, and thus, it becomes taboo.

Sex with a person you are attracted to and interested in, no matter their gender, tends to be exciting. And the sort of sex someone can have with any give gender really isn't all that different: heterosexual people can, basically, have "queer sex," in other words, sex that isn't simply intercourse. Lastly, chances are pretty good your ideas about lesbian sex are based in more fantasy than reality. Some of the apparently "un-boring" stuff about being queer includes things like additional sexual harassment, disinculsion from aspects of daily life, having your partnerships treated like garbage, being very isolated, grappling with creating relationship roles that aren't based on hetero-normative standards, discrimination, etc. Again, it's not porn movies.

Again, as you get older, you'll find out what your base of attraction really is. Give it time. (It's also normal to have strong emotional relationships with women, no matter your orienation, and women can objectify women, too. Would that gender alone could make that not happen. In fact, it's possible that's some of what you were doing with what you described right in the second paragraph of your most recent post here was, in fact, objectification.)

Lastly, being attracted to men doesn't mean you are therefore cmfortable with sexual attention from all men, unwanted sexual attention, or sexual harassment. So, if a boy is touching you in a way you don't like or want, of course you're going to feel weird. Obviously, you should also make clear that isn't okay.


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feefiefofemme
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To reiterate what Miz Scarlet said, being queer isn't really all that exciting. At least, no more so that being straight is. Sure, at first, when you've just come out and are faced with a whole new world to explore it can be pretty exciting, but when it boils down to it, it's really just like being straight. Only with more discrimination and hate crimes. So although the forbidden fruit aspect of it might be appealing at first, that aspect alone should not be the only factor in you deciding your orientation. Because it's really not all that fantastic.
Posts: 406 | From: California | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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