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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Confusion

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Author Topic: Confusion
Member # 23932

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I'm a seventeen year-old high school senior, ready to graduate and attend a women's liberal arts college in the fall. Despite all I have to look forward to, my primary concern right now is the very confusing issue of my sexual orientation. I dated girls exclusively during my freshman year of high school, including one long-term relationship. I was depressed for a few months after the latter ended, and I began dating guys afterward. It was more socially acceptable, but out of the three guys I have dated, I have only been really attracted (physically) to one.
At this point, I'm far more physically attracted to girls, but far more emotionally attracted to guys. I am out to close friends about liking girls, but part of me really doesn't want to be a lesbian, especially because it would mean choosing physical fulfillment over emotional. I also have, at the least, a really strong emotional/intellectual attachment to a close guy friend who thinks I just like girls. I just don't know what to do....I feel like such a flake/loser/etc.

"He wanted to meet in the
real world the unsubstantial
image which his soul so
constantly beheld. He did
not know where to seek it or
how, but a preminition
which led him on told him
that this image would,
without any overt act of his,
encounter him. " James
Joyce (A Portrait of the
Artist as a Young Man)

[This message has been edited by redwirebluewire (edited 06-14-2005).]

Posts: 2 | From: NJ, USA | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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Member # 568

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AskST is intended for short questions with shorter answers. your issue deservs a lengthier discussion. I'll move it to GLBT relationships so you can benefit from lots of people's input.

LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 23932

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Has anyone else ever felt physically attracted mostly to one sex and emotionally attracted mostly to another? I'd feel better knowing I'm not alone in this.
Posts: 2 | From: NJ, USA | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Yes, and extremes in various kinds of attraction are all the more common in phases of big sexual development, namely, adolescence and young adulthood.

And with sexual orientation, both aspects (emotional/physical) are essentially on two different Kinsey scales for most people, varying vastly in both sets of two directions for everyone.

In other words, chances are that there will not be THAT big a divide in your later adult life like you're feeling now: you're still really young. And chances are, you will not have to choose between having relationships where you're only getting one thing or another, that divide will likely narrow a lot depending on whatever particular person you are with who DOES hit both sets of needs for you.

You're neither a loser nor a flake.

Heather Corinna
Editor & Founder
ST homepage • ST blog • about Heather & Scarleteen

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 23917

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I'm very emotionally attracted to girls and have fallen completely in l-o-v-e with a couple over the course of my life so far. However, I'm quite physically attracted to guys as well. For me things balance out and I'd say I'm attracted to guys and girls equally, only in different ways. I like having my options open. It's a lot of fun for me to, say, watch a movie and be attracted to both the male and female lead.

You don't need to rush to label yourself. And you are NOT a flake or a loser. Recognise that sexuality is fluid and have fun with it. But remember to always take safety precautions!

Posts: 406 | From: California | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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