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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Need advice please!

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Author Topic: Need advice please!
iron serenity
Member # 21516

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Okay I really need some advice. I am a 16 year old girl and consider myself bisexual. I have recently picked to receive the HRC youth award where I live for my work at school with our gay-straight alliance. I have a formal dinner to go to the 26th to receive my award. I am allowed to bring one guest with me. I was going to bring my mother, but neither she or my dad knows that i'm bi. I really want to bring my lesbian teacher who put me in for the award. Should I bring my mom and try to come out to her in this kind of setting, or should I bring my teacher? Nearly all of the people that are going to be at this dinner are going to be either gay or lesbian. I don't know how my mom would react. Also quite honestly I don't quite feel like I deserve the award. I'm not gay or lesbian, i'm just bi. I don't know what I want to do, and i'm so very confused. Please let me know what you think I should do.
Posts: 7 | From: Colorado | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I'm willing to bet the award is for the work you've done, not for being of a given orientation, honey.

So, above all else, don't be silly: if you're getting an award, chances are it's because more than one person feels you've done something to earn it. For any of us, our orientation isn't something we "do," and no orientation is going to win us awards or thanks: it's our actions that will.

I'd advise against bringing your Mom into that and coming out that way: it actually seems not only like a recipe for disaster, but like a really unfair setting for both of you. That's just too much pressure, all around. I'd suggest talking to her about this BEFOREHAND, and coming out then, then inviting her to the ceremony if you want to. It's also okay to invite your teacher if you'd prefer that. But I don't see the need to set it up as an either/or: EITHER you come out AND bring your mother, OR you don't come out to Mom and bring the teacher. You can make steps to come out -- in a private, comfortable setting -- and bring who you'd like to the awards.

Heather Corinna
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Originally posted by iron serenity:
I'm not gay or lesbian, i'm just bi

"just" bi? I think you are doing yourself down a bit there. As a bisexual, you probably have an understanding of many issues which affect gay and lesbian people as well, and lots of support/social groups are gay, lesbian AND bisexual (AND maybe transsexual, transgender as well), partly for this reason I expect.

As Heather said, if you've been nominated for the award, it's most likely because you have done good work with the group. I suggest accepting and trying to enjoy it.

I think it is one difficult aspect of being bisexual that sometimes you don't seem to fit into either the gay/lesbian camp or the heterosexual camp, but it sounds like you have been accepted at your school's gay-straight alliance if you got the award?

Thirtysomething and not actually counting

Posts: 352 | From: UK | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
iron serenity
Member # 21516

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Thank you both very much. I'm just kind of confused, and have to figure out what it is I want to do. I want to bring my teacher not because I don't want to come out to my family, but because she is the one that nominated me for the award. Also she has been very supportive of me through some tough stuff this year. Oh and btw we don't have a GSA anymore because our school made us get rid of it or become non-school sponsored. We are currently working on getting a new diverstiy based club off the ground.
Posts: 7 | From: Colorado | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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