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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » a guy likes me, but do I like guys?

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Author Topic: a guy likes me, but do I like guys?
Member # 15820

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I'm so very confused at this stage. I have been for some time, but I've been trying to wait and let time figure itself and me out.

I'm a girl who's just about 20, and within the last year I had my first proper relationship with a guy. It lasted for 2 months, and it was nice to be in a relationship, but I must admit that I didn't enjoy having sex with a guy at all. And I'm certain it was the male factor, and not specifically him.

I've been vaguely wondering for years whether I might be bisexual or a lesbian, but having had no relationships at all there seemed little to base this on. For a number of months now I've been more intensely wondering after my dislike of heterosexual sex, but as I can't just grab the nearest female and see what it's like, there's no sense in trying to rush figuring myself out.

So as I've finally come to terms with being patient (this is very new for me, I like everything to be resolved quickly), and enjoying being alone and waiting happily for what the future might have in store as far as self-discovery, everyone else is busy assuming I'm heterosexual while I'm far from sure.

At this stage it seems so hard to express to others that I could likely be a lesbian. Once I'm sure of myself, I think I'll be comfortable with whatever that is, but when I'm not sure, how can I tell others that I might be in a "class" that's not entirely acceptable here? It seems very weird to express doubt in yourself, and almost like a cry for attention to say "I think I'm gay... oh wait, I'm not."

On top of that, I've constantly got people, including my parents, asking me "do you like any guys?" and one particular male friend of mine repeatedly declaring his love for me and asking why I'm not interested in him. What on earth am I supposed to say? I already tried once telling him that I'm just not interested in looking for love right now (which is partially true), but that was of no avail.

Do you have any suggestions? I'm perfectly fine with taking years to discover my own sexual orientation, but what do I do about these questions?

Posts: 1 | From: Canada | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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The simplest -- and IME, truest -- answer to this dort of question is this:: a lesbian is a person who is atttracetd strongly or solely to women, NOT someone who simply isn't attracted to men strongly or solely. A bisexual is a person who is or can be attracted -- though not necessarily rqually -- to BOTH genders.

Lackluster heterosexual sex with a single partner, or heck, even ten is a signal of nothiing but lackluster sex with that person or people. I assure you, the only really big difference between heterosexual sex and lesbian sex is that one is with women and the other is with men. While certain dymannics can differ, certainly some activities vary, and interest in what you do with who is goinng to vary a lot based on orientation, your emotions and chemistry, at their heart, on a physical level, it ain't all that different.

So, are you strongly physically and emotionally attracted to women (and you don't need to have sex with anyone to know that)? Far, far more so than men? Then it's sensible to consider that you may be homosexual. Are you finding you are attracted to both men and women sexually and emotionally? Then it's worth looking at the possibility that you are bisexual.

But dissapointing or unenjoyable sex with one person of one gender -- and you'd be hard pressed to find a person of any gender or orientation who hasn't experienced that in at least once relationship, and likely far more times, even for the whole of a given relationship -- has nothing to do with attraction to another. Follow?

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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