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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Gay but addicted to girls???

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Author Topic: Gay but addicted to girls???
Slick Rick
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Member # 8361

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I'm a guy I'm a senior in high school. Since 4th grade I have been attracted to girls sexually. I have always thought that I was straight. I had a best friend in like 6th grade who it turns out is gay and I ditched him because he acted kind of gay and I was homophobic. I had a girlfriend when I was like 12 and all we did was make out but we didn't even talk and it was real awkward. When I was like 14 I hooked up with a girl we were both drunk and I liked it and felt like I was the man, but we never talked to eachother again. I am shy around girls I am sexually attracted to and I have yet to emotionally connect on a romantic level with a girl. I think about girls or look at pics of them when I masturbate, which is often. But I have also entertained thoughts of guys sexually. I have had two real BIG crushes in my life both are on people who are sort of unavailable to me. My second cousin who is a beautiful girl, and my friend who is a guy he's real cool. I am still hung up on these people to some degree but not as much as I once was. Am I just addicted to girls sexually like addicted to the fantasy of having sex with a girl? And if I overcome this addiction I am gay? This is what my heart tells me. I think I am gay but the lack of evidence of being sexually attracted to guys causes my mind to fight my heart. I just discovered gay porn on my computer that I believe to be from my dad. I think he is also gay and in denial or something I don't know what to think...

Well sorry for rambling and the lack of a clear question but this is just where I'm at in my life. Thanks. This site is great. Peace.


Posts: 3 | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

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Checking out our Gaydar section might clear some things up for you.
Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 8067

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"Sexual addiction" is a term sometimes used to describe people who have lost control over their sexual behaviour and "act out" sexually in ways that are self-destructive and make them unhappy - using sex as if it was an addictive drug. So it doesn't sound as if this is very relevant to what you describe.

It also seems very unlikely that "sexual addiction" would make you attracted to a whole gender that you otherwise wouldn't be attracted to at all. So from what you say, it does sound to me as if you are attracted to some girls, even though you are shy and having trouble connecting with them emotionally (which is pretty usual when you start off in the wonderful world of relationships).

In addition, you have a crush on a guy. This could be a sign that you are also sexually attracted to guys (i.e. you are bisexual), but a crush can also be a primarily emotional attraction. Only you can tell if you're sexually attracted to this guy or think he's cool in other ways. You mention having had thoughts of guys sexually, but you also say you have a "lack of evidence of being sexually attracted to guys". The only evidence that matters is whether or not *you* feel sexually attracted to guys and want to have sex with them, and you're the only one who can know that.

Remember it's okay to be unsure about your orientation - you can always just wait and see who you are attracted to and want to be sexual with, without worrying about which gender they might be. Trying to "overcome" any of your feelings or treating them as "just an addiction" probably isn't going to help.

And the fact that your dad may be gay doesn't have any bearing on what *your* sexual orientation is.

[This message has been edited by logic_grrl (edited 05-27-2002).]


Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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