Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » losing a friend because I love her?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: losing a friend because I love her?
Bearcub
Neophyte
Member # 6958

Icon 9 posted      Profile for Bearcub     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I worry... about a lot of things, and very often.. but right now it is about my best friend, whom I have gotten to know online, and the feelings I have for her.

I realized a while back that I am in love with her, and I managed to tell her, and she took it well, though she also made it clear that she could never love me the same way. She has a loving boyfriend whom she treasures over all else, and I understand her - the two of them are my best friends in the world, and I wouldn't want to do anything to get between them.

I can't, however stop thinking about her, and want more than anything to be with her. I dream about her, I write poems and even a song for her... and I am afraid that I might do what I seem to be really good at - smothering.
I fear that if I don't restrain myself, and just accept that I can't have her, and forget about the way I feel, I will eventually manage to become such a nuisance that I will be pushing her away and lose her even as a friend.
I ask myself how I can possibly love someone I have never met, and if things will change when we do meet... I am talking about the way I feel - I don't expect her feelings to change.. it is ME I worry about.

If meeting her and being around her and her boyfreind a while will make me really accept that I have to channel my feelings elsewhere, that might be the easiest for us all.
But if it only reinforces the way I feel... that means I'll miss her even more, and be even more miserable afterwards... and that scares me. But if I don't go through with it, I'll never know, and I will be eternally wondering - what if?

As usual, I don't know what I am hoping for here... I just ramble. :-/ But maybe someone has some clever words... usually someone does.


Posts: 12 | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Juliekins
Neophyte
Member # 129

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Juliekins     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think that if I were in your friends' place, my feelings would go from "flattered" to "utterly skeeved out" if I knew about the poetry and the songs and whatnot...so I think for the sake of the platonic friendship I'd ix-nay on the oetry-pay for the forseeable future. I'm sure they're beautiful works of art but they should probably stay in your journal. It wouldn't matter to me if you were girl, guy, or other...if you're doing things to "woo me away" you're not showing respect to my relationship, and I can't have that. I've ended two friendships because het male friends just didn't. get. it. and I certianly wouldn't hesitate to end a female friendship if she did the same thing.

As far as meeting her goes...seeing her with the boyfriend would probably be good for smacking you upside the head with a clue-by-four, which it sounds like you want. You also might meet her and find out she's not as attractive to you as you once thought--that's really not unheard of al all for an on-line relationship to fizzle once you meet IRL. You know, maybe she picks her nose or has an annoying laugh or something. (Okay, I exaggerate. But you get the point.) I know that I've gotten pretty head over heels for people online before and once I actually met them, there was something...missing. That spark that was there for me intellecutally just wasn't physically. Kind of a drag, but at least in your case you'd be able to cut your losses and move on with her as a good friend and no more angst on your part.

------------------
There's only two songs in me, but I just wrote the third. --TMBG


Posts: 8 | From: KS, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kythryne
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5460

Icon 1 posted      Profile for kythryne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You might like to have a look at these discussions, courtesty of the GLBT Relationships FAQ:

Crushes on straight friends: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum15/HTML/000093.html http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum15/HTML/000098.html http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum15/HTML/000091.html

------------------
Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Sexpert

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey


Posts: 1685 | From: New York City | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mirikat
Neophyte
Member # 7895

Icon 1 posted      Profile for mirikat     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I've had a crush on one of my friends, whom I've known since I was 9, almost since I first met her. It hasn't caused any problems with our friendship. So I do believe it's possible to be friends with someone who you like but aren't in a relationship with. However, our situation is a little different; she's not straight, and I just really like her, I'm not writing songs abd poems for her..
I wouldn't show her the poetry. If I was her, it'd just freak me out especially since she doesn't know you in "real" life.

------------------
~mirikat


Posts: 3 | From: Boston area, MA, USA | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3