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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Coming out to Mommy

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Author Topic: Coming out to Mommy
Member # 7407

Icon 9 posted      Profile for texasphoenix     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know this has been asked before, but like everyone dealing with this, I have my own factors to weigh in.

To sum it up Im 16, F, Bi, Wiccan and Mexican. My mother is 56, 100% straight, Roman Chatholic, and Mexican.

You might wonder why I put that I'm mexican, heck, I'm a lot of things, but my mother grew up in very non-liberal, olden day, chatholic school, mexico; Everything was taboo. Ok lets get to my lil story.

I only came to terms to being bi a few months ago. But when I first found out about homosexuality I also learned of the cruelty against them. (Being the balanced libra that I am) I would complain to my mother how unfair that was and my mother would tell me something to the effect of that she would love me even if I was a lesbian. Seeing how uncomfortable she is when she does speak of it involving me does prove otherwise. My mother is not prejudice agaisnt homosexuals (over the years I have managed to change her opinions on a lot of her old views), but she still holds on to the steryotypes about bisexuals and I know she would rather me marrying Sam and not Samantha. My best friend and sister are the only ones who know. But my sister boldly asked her a few days ago how she would feel if she were bisexual. My mother reacted very upset. That didn't make me feel hopeful about telling her at all. I could be a full fleshed lesbian and my mother would eventually accpect it, but being bisexual is not humanly possible to my mother. Bisexuals are sex crazed, dirty, diseased, freaks to her.

Ok, so basicly, How do I get this very strong and stubborn woman to understand that her facts on bisexuals are misconsemptions, how do I tell her without making her feel ashamed or that she failed in raising me? It would really help if you had an older, religious, and/or mexican parent to be able to relate, but any advice is greatly appreciated. thanks a bunches!

I'm not anti-social, I just don't like you.

Posts: 2 | From: Houston, Texas, USA | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 7411

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Hello, I think I can relate to you. I'm Mexican, just turned 17, my mother is 48 and straight roman catholic also (along with her 6 sisters and 1 brother), and my grandmother is probably the most religious person I've ever met, and I guess it seeped into my mom and her siblings. Also, I live in Texas, and do not subscribe to any particular religion (although mysticism interests me greatly).

Okay, here's another relating part. I've been going out with my girlfriend for the past 10 months, and that wasn't really a problem, until my mom found out a few details about us. Anyway, she's 23, and my mom threw the biggest rage I've ever seen her take, when she found out that we had slept together.

Okay, here's the advice that I can give you. The only thing that I can say is I suggest that you break it to your mom slowly...and try to change her views about bi-sexuality before you do. Just abruptly telling her that you're bisexual is going to take a LOT for her to understand, and it might take a long time. However, it seems she does have an open mind, and that's a good thing. The problem is, I've found out (with my numerous aunts and cousins, and this may not be true to your family) that the older a person gets, the more set in their ways that they become. So try to change her opinion now, before you do anything else. Show her somehow that being bi-sexual isn't bad, or the theory (that I believe some scientists have researched this) that every human being is bi-sexual inherently, and only repress it because in our society it's considered taboo. There are a great many cultures where bi-sexuality isn't considered a bad thing at all, and that includes parts of mexico, before the spaniards came (if I remember correctly). It's natural to be attracted to both sexes, and what's unnatural is repressing the person that you are. Sounds a bit stereotypical, I know, but it's true.

"Serpents Breath, charm of life and death, thy ill omen of making" - Celtic translation.

Posts: 3 | From: Fort Worth, Texas, USA | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 5460

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This might be helpful in debunking your mother's misconceptions about bisexuality:
Bi the Dozen - A Bisexuality Quiz

There's also this article, which is excellent:
Don't Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out (Or, How to Come Out of the Closet Without Tripping Over the Laundry)

And now I'm going to shlep this over to GLBT Relationships, as I think you'll get a bit more feedback there.

Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Sexpert

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey

[This message has been edited by kythryne (edited 03-19-2002).]

Posts: 1685 | From: New York City | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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