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Author Topic: Paging Miz Scarlet
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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(Given the high volume of this site and others, getting into my general email boxes anymore can be really, really tricky. I am JUST crawling out of book revision hell and finding some calls for help or personal assistance in there that were in there for weeks, even months. So.)

Want my attention or for me to reply personally to a post?

Just drop a post here: it'll be way more efficient.

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Heather Corinna
Editor & Founder
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Posts: 67055 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dixiestarlette
Neophyte
Member # 14759

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I'm guessing this is what you meant. I really wish this place had a PM option . I came here almost 2 years ago and found your story about your abortion. How I envy the way you felt later. It didn't hit me immediately, it took several weeks to sink in what I did. I know this is NOT how everyone views their abortions, and although I know it WAS the right choice for me, it was by no means easy. I'm asking permission to possibly post another web site address here for girls who have experienced abortion and DID feel some sort of "pain" afterwards, mentally. This was a GREAT source of information when I started coming here, and when I finally remembered my password I logged back in. I am a member over at this other board (www.afterabortion.com) and it's a wonderful place if you just need support. It's nothing but AMAZING women of all ages who have had an abortion for one reason or another. No one there judges you for your choice, and it is somewhat of an online family. I've been there since december 2003 and have grown so close to the girls there. Politically it is neutral. There is NO talk of anything pro-choice or pro-life, and it's STRICTLY for healing purposes. More or less to be around other women and post and vent about your feelings, and them understand. There are also offtopic boards, but everything is heavily moderated to keep out anyone who tries to come in and hurt the women who go there, in any way. I would love to share my entire story with the girls here. I am one of the few who have mixed feelings post abortion...with knowing it was the right choice, but one that had severe consequences for me. I didn't want to go running and posting it yet just to have it deleted, so I wanted to ask if it was alright first. Please let me know, and feel free to check out the site. There are also boards for visitors, but to even see most of them you must register (which is free). It's quite a wonderful environment that I would like to share.
Janet

Posts: 21 | From: SC, USA | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Janet: you of course can post your personal narrative here. (And posting the link, also okay.)

We just ask with stories like that that they don't direct someone else in a way such as "because I did X and wasn't happy, you should do Y instead," et cetera. "I" statements are our best friends here.

Per my own experiences with abortion, what I've realized over the years, if it's helpful, is that I had a few things in my corner to make it a 100% okay experience for me:

- I had a local, not a general anaesthetic, which meant I never had to wonder about what happened, or imagine different thing than actually occured: I was alert and observant the entire process.

- I felt fully capable of making ANY choice per my pregnancy. Given, it turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy, so it wouldn't have ended up brought to term, but not knowing that until the abortion, I could have chosen to have a child, too: it wouldn't have been easy, and ultimately it wasn't what I wanted, but if I had, I could have worked that out.

- I had a completely supportive partner, who supported whatever choice I made, even though the one I did conflicted with what he actually wanted.

- I wasn't in any way scared: I understood the procedure in advance, I grew up in medical environments, so I didn't feel weird or nervous in that respect. I also felt no shame about it, nor did I need to be secretive about it at all.

- I didn't then, and don't now, have any personal or moral objections or conflicts with abortion in general.

- I'm incredibly independent: was then, am now, and had gone through things far more challenging than an abortion on my own before that time. To boot, I'd seen firsthand some pretty awful instances of child poverty and ill health, and knew that would have been a possibility at some point had I had a kid then (and, in fact, barely two years past then, I nearly ended up homeless, so it could well have been where we wound up), so the endless array of realities were very apparent to me.

- I also knew very well, by virtue of being a teacher, what life with kids was like, and didn't then -- and again, haven't yet, either, almost 15 years after the fact -- feel like I had to have my own kids to have kids in my life, be valuable to them.

And all of that and more is a LOT of stuff on my side per a positive experience, and a lot of stuff many women don't have.

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Heather Corinna
Editor & Founder
ST homepage • ST blog • about Heather & Scarleteen


Posts: 67055 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dixiestarlette
Neophyte
Member # 14759

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Thanks so much. I think that is one thing that I have found in common in a lot of the women I've talked with...it was not a choice THEY actually wanted to make, someone forced them to, or they had to keep it a secret. Sometimes both.
I would never ever tell someone to or not to have an abortion. unlike some women who come through an abortion emotionally scarred, I STILL believe that it is a choice we should all have available to us. I also know that sometimes, it may be hard, and even though I hurt now, I still know deep down it was the right choice to make at the time. There are times I forget that though. I've come a long way since then though, and am on a road to finding "myself" again. you are a VERY lucky woman to have had all of those things in your favor, and it's wonderful to see someone who DOESN'T struggle now. Just the same as it is to see women who once did but have healed and realized that it WAS ok and we have NOTHING to be ashamed of (i often think I'm almost there ) Thanks so much!
janet

Posts: 21 | From: SC, USA | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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