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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Parents, Adults and Teens » she hates me, i hate her=sorted??

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Author Topic: she hates me, i hate her=sorted??
Stacii-Jayd
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Member # 31433

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sorry, this is extremely long, but please read

i need somewhere to moan about my mom-and someone who will maybe help too.

me and my mom hate each other, and yes i agree hate is a strong word to use, but if you saw me and my mom you'd most likely try to find a stronger word than hate.

ok, maybe i need to explain the story of our hatred first. my mom had me when she was about um, 40-42 only because my dad and my older sister bullied her into having me. bascially my mom was goin through her changes or something and my sis kept nagging that she wanted a lil sister so my dad said he thought was a good idea too have another kid,(she didnt want another kid though) and might help her . guess what, it didn't!
when i was born my sister didn't want much to do wiv me coz she was a teenager and wanted to be out and stuff all the time, and my dad was working full-time. so yeh she got that depression when people have a baby (sorry i didn't know how to spell it) and she just hated me from the first day i guess.
now my mom never been nice to me as such but when i hit about 7/8 she seriously didnt like me and would find everything i did wrong no matter how hard i tried. we argued alot and i guess she sort of abused me. i can remember several times that she thrown something at me: a chair, cup, book.... around about this age i also relised that she had no intrrest what i did. i used to come home from school, all happy and tell her how my day was, i never got a ''well done'' or ''thats excellent'' it was either nothing was said or just ''ok'' so i stopped tell her things.

now i'm going to admit to this, yep i do have a attuiude problem towards some people. but i'm not the sort of person whos going to say what i'm thinking. when our family are out, mainly with there friends my mom is deadly nice to me, and like we get on great well, sorry, but im not going to play that damn game so i give attuiude to her, now all her friends think im the bad one and nasty and my mom tells them things about me, really nasty things!

me and my sister are extremely close might sound odd because she's the favorite of the us, and im not just saying that coz as i said my sister is just great and is my rock. but even my sister says that she can tell mom has something seriously against me, my dad doesn't really see any of this what goes on, becuase when he gets home from work shes the first one to talk to him and twists the truth around on me, when most the time its her. so my dad starts shouting at me over it.

i have a brother too, and my mom is forever compareing me to him saying stuff like "your the spitting image of your bother in everyway" or "your as bad as him, your going to go the way he has gone" and yeh i think i can safely say that my mom hates him to, his 36 or there bouts and i've only seen him about 7times in the whole of my life. well 18months ago i found out that my brother isnt my full bother and only my half! and that my mom was married before she met my dad etc. so much for family trust and no secrets!!

last year i had had enough of her, she pushed it to far by saying "i'm going to beat you up if ur not carefully" so off i go to school and tell a teacher, and i tell her everything bout my mom, and yes, i was trying to get my self put in care coz i can not live with her much longer. so as the schools do they get my mom in, and as my mom does, plays nice, hugs me and everything. the teacher then basically says im lieing! so i don't get put in care

this is doing my head in big time! i'm suicidal anyway but i seriously just wanna do it coz of her at the min! i really hate her

any help would be awesome!

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''i'm not a slave to a god that doesn't exsits. i'm not a slave to the world that doesn't give a s****''-Marilyn Manson

Posts: 35 | From: UK, Lincolnshire | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
claraclaraclara
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Member # 28324

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Oh, I don't know how helpful I can really be, but I can tell you that I DO understand what you're going through.

While my mother did want to have me initially as far as I know, she was also ill with MS and had a major attack while she was pregnant. I left the hospital with my grandmother because she wouldn't see me and was too ill to leave.

She blamed me for the escalation of her illness, and she told me so. She would go so far as to say that if she left or committed suicide it would be my fault. She threw things at me and screamed at me. I would hide from her in my bedroom bracing the door closed. She also didn't care if I came home at two AM at the age of nine, nor did she care that I never recieved a grade below 95% until year nine.

Like you, she compared me infavourably to family members from a young age. These were my father and her sister, and she had nothing nice to say to me about them. She doted on my older brother, but unlike you, we never developed a strong bond, and only in the past year or two have tried to create a good sibling relationship. We barely said a word to each other as children.

Also like you, she put on a happy face to other members of the family and to outsiders, and I looked like the brat, even though I was so shy and afraid of people I couldn't speak above a whisper until I finished elementary school. This didn't last, and people saw more of it than they were able to admit at the time. I also tried to get taken away from the home, but even my social worker believed my mother was a saint for putting up with me and I ended up medicated.

I'm telling you this because your post really touched me. It sounds so similar to my experience, and I'm sorry for that. My mother's disease progressed further and she became a completely different person almost overnight - now she's emotionally and intellectually more of a child than an adult, and she doesn't remember how she used to be. That's how my story ended. Your story will end too, and it may take a long time or a lot of effort, but it will end and you'll be able to step away from all that for good. Your mother may never be able to change or get the help she might need, but you can.

I'm so sorry that you weren't believed, I remember exactly what that feels like. I believe you. Don't give up.

The first thing you need to do is protect yourself. How old are you? Would you be able to stay with your sister? How does she feel you should handle this? I think you really need to reach out to her, especially because you're feeling suicidal and she understands what's happening. Would she help you make yourself heard with family services? Don't stop trying to find someone on the outside who will listen to you. I know it's frustrating.

I don't know a thing about family law and crisis services in the UK, so I hope someone else here will be able to help you with that aspect. I just want you to know that I've been there, for what it's worth. I hope I helped a little.

Posts: 5 | From: prairies, canada | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stacii-Jayd
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Member # 31433

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thankyou for answering. it has helped coz it's nice to know someone knows how it feels.
i'm 14, 15 in sept, i would go stay with my sister but she has three kids and a boyfriend and her house is tiny there's only 3bedrooms so i think that would be putting pressure on her. my sister does to try help get people in my family to udnerstand, but they don't listen to her either i think mainly because they know we're close and they think she'll lie for me. i dunno.

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''i'm not a slave to a god that doesn't exsits. i'm not a slave to the world that doesn't give a s****''-Marilyn Manson

Posts: 35 | From: UK, Lincolnshire | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
rosemat
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I have seen similar instances with one of my parents family friends and the other my cousin. One situation a mother and teenage son, the other a father and his teenage son. Both parent and child got counseling and have healed tremendously in both situations. One main progress factor in healing was the involvement of the spouse. My cousin's mom helped her son and her husband through all of it. Same with my dad's friend. The father got involved in the counseling and supported his wife and son. This factor created a very strong bond which wasn't there before and healed through the problems. An all family involvement makes the spouse and child feel less lonely and help find the underlining problems.

One underlining problem regarding my dad's friend's wife was, her resentment was actually towards her husband and was just being channeled on her son. Her resentment had to do with him being an inactive parent. But this all family counseling helped bring that up and helped heal tremendously.

Posts: 105 | From: globe | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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