My mom has never been one I could really talk to about sexuality. When I was 12, and still a little confused, I told her I thought I might be bisexual. She ended up laughing at me, telling me that was impossible, then saying she just didn't want to talk about it and not to bring it up again. I straightened the issue out myself (concluding that I am straight). I am a very responsible, intelligent, fun person. Despite the fact my mom first had sex when she was 16, smoked, and didn't even finish high school, she now has very strict views on such things. And of course she does, because she learned from her mistakes.
However. I brought up the topic of being "sexually intimate" with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. She automatically said, "Why are you even using the word 'intimate'? And relationship? It's a friendship." She denies a lot of things. I mean, my boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 8 months, and that's not a "relationship". I think she's uncomfortable with our "relationship" and it's very difficult for me to talk to her about sexuality.
When I gave her a list (Kissing, Frenching, Petting, Touching each other's genitals, Oral Sex, Sex) and asked her when she thought each was okay, her opinions were...well, very different from mine. She also kept saying how I was lucky to even be in a relationship at 15, that she wanted to wait until I was 16 (I'll be 16 in September). I want to talk to her about some of those things, and my own opinions, but don't want her biting my head off. I AM very informed on sexual activity, and even when I'm not, I look into and kind of "research" things I'm not sure of (like birth control methods, I did that only two years ago). I am very mature for my age, and I just want my mom to realize that and be able to accept that, YES, my boyfriend and I are sexually intimate (no, we have not had sex) and YES I am being safe. She even went back to the "you can't let anyone touch you somewhere inappropriately" - I'm not a little kid anymore though, and YES that's true, but that's when you don't WANT it to happen, with someone who should not be doing such an act, or when it feels uncomfortable, etc.
As a side note, my boyfriend and I have actually talked about sex - I've already said that I feel I'm too young right now (obviously, I should wait until I'm 16 at least [age of consent, correct?]) but I was wondering - even if you ARE just 16 (yes, I say just as I consider that young) as long as you're being safe and aware of what you are doing and the risks, as well as emotional impacts, is it all right? Sometimes I just feel no matter how safe I could be, having sex at 16 is just too young (I think that in itself may even say that, as far as my own personal opinion goes, I would not have sex ay 16 for personal reasons).
Posts: 90 | From: east | Registered: May 2007
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It's totally an each-to-their-own thing. A definite opinion thing.
I first had sex at 16, and definitely didn't regret it or feel that I wasn't safe.
While saying that, I feel that an age under 16 would probably be too young, but someone who has had sex at 14 might think that is a fine age to have sex at. It's all relative to how you feel.
Posts: 28 | From: Here | Registered: May 2006
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I know exactly how you feel about having a parent with totally different views from you. My mom waited until marriage  to have sex, so I understand why she tells me to wait to have sex until then...except that she doesn't want me married that young. She wants me to wait until I'm 21 to have sex. I don't think I'll be telling her that I lost my virginity last night [at 17] until I'm engaged, and maybe not even then.
What I don't get is how she expects me to wait that long, when she knows all the women in our family are very passionate when it comes to kissing and other things. And she talks to me about her sex life. Well, sometimes, she's been more fine with it now. Of course, I know if I try to be as open with her, my boyfriend will be buried in my backyard and I'll be shipped off to Ukraine. lol She totally freaked when I told her I had my first kiss. And I told her three years after it happened.
And to everyone a different age seems right to lose virginity. To me 17 seems perfect. My friend Lexie, on the other hand, doesn't regret losing it at 13. So, it's when you're comfortable with it.
-------------------- Madwomen seldom think they're crazy. Posts: 83 | From: in my own little world | Registered: Jun 2007
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Hi Rina, I Don't know if I should really be talking to you on a subject that should be driven by your personal choice and freedom.
but given factors like Age (Only factor of gaining experience) Rise of hormones and eagerness.
I personally felt, what the hell is happening why people try to dictate me, but when I grew older I started seeing the reason behind what ever they have told.
Any way, Sex will not limit to physical intimacy, it brings many complexities along with it. 1 immediate could be pregnancy at the time when you least expected, 2. Addiction
So Just be your self and remember Life is more than sex, and make sure you explore the emotions before experiencing sex.
-------------------- Sex is not the sole entity in a relationship. There are commitment,trust,and companionship. One will realize them in unconditional love. Posts: 21 | From: Matrix | Registered: May 2007
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(Just a note? In the vast majority of cases, sex is not addicting. An addiction is classified as something that interferes with school, work, or other normal activities, and any sexual activity, not just vaginal intercourse, has equal capacity to become a compulsion. And pregnancy? Well.. the majority of our users know to use reliable birth control. )
Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005
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Everybody has their own views of when they are ready to have sex. My mother waited until she was married to have sex and she was 21. Of course she wanted me to wait until *I* was married but no, that didn't happen. I didn't feel comfortable going down that road. I felt ready sooner than she was. I was 17 and yes, I was not married. I have no regrets.
Yes, my mother didn't find out out until a few months after. She's not very open to talking about sexual stuff. My mother was disappointed at first with my decision, but she knew she couldn't change my mind. I was set, and I had no regrets. I was being safe, and was in a relationship when it happened. I am now married.
I agree though when you do have the discussion, make sure there is nothing else happening at the time like no distractions. Just the two of you at the kitchen table or whereever you feel comfortable talking.
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