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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » You've Had a Pregnancy Scare: Now What?

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Author Topic: You've Had a Pregnancy Scare: Now What?
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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In other words, you've just gone through this, or are going through this now.

Maybe you could access Plan B and used it: maybe you couldn't, or there was no need. No matter what, there's nothing to be done about what's in the past now except to use it to change your future.

So, what have you already done, or are you going to do, to change the channel on this so you're not likely to wind up in that spot again?

Maybe you've decided you're not going to engage in the kind of sex that presents any risk of pregnancy, or any kind of sex for a while. Maybe you've had a talk with a partner and set firm limits on condom use. Maybe you're getting, or have already obtained, a reliable method of contraception. Maybe you're getting more sex education so you better understand what really does or doesn't present risks, or are working through some life circumstances or issues that were really at the biggest root of your fears. maybe you're doing something else entirely.

Whatever it is, how about sharing it here to help give others ideas and give each other some cheerleading and support so that your lives aren't a broken record of pregnancy scares or fears?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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MaddleyLove
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Well, I thought I might chip in here, seeing as I have been to hell and back with some of my pregnancy scares [Smile]

I think it is important to know that no matter how bad things look now, they can look bleak and lonely and dark and you feel like there's no way out... things WILL get better. They will. Even if its impossible to see at the time, for every dark night there's a brighter day [Smile]

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MaddleyLove
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Well, I thought I might chip in here, seeing as I have been to hell and back with some of my pregnancy scares [Smile]

I think it is important to know that no matter how bad things look now, they can look bleak and lonely and dark and you feel like there's no way out... things WILL get better. They will. Even if its impossible to see at the time, for every dark night there's a brighter day [Smile]

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littlemisssunshine92
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Yes. Just this past week I watched my 20 year old best friend (who is married.. but still our age!) have a baby. It was honestly so beautiful, I was crying during the birth. A baby is a miracle. So if you think you're pregnant and have opted not to abort it.. Try to see the positive side. It is scary, and honestly telling my mother would be scarier than having the baby to begin with.. But it IS a little miracle. [Smile]

Also.. I have had a talk with my boyfriend. He knows what a toll this scare has/is taking on me and our relationship. He also knows that, before him, I wanted to wait until I was married. Well, he has agreed that it will be best for us to wait until that time. We did use condoms, but I just don't trust them. I cannot get over that 2% chance. Birth control pills are not possible for me, medically so that's out. I am lucky to have a boyfriend who loves me and supports my decisions. If the man you're engaging in sex with is worth sharing that experience with.. He should understand and respect you and your body, as well. So, whether you want to abstain from sex or to be adamant about condoms, just speak up and take charge of your sex life. [Smile]

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MaddleyLove
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You have got it absolutely right littlemisssunshine92!! [Smile]

I need to take charge of my health and wellbeing [Smile] xx

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Clara Taylor
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I just went through the biggest pregnancy scare ever. For over two months I worried incessantly about the possibility of being pregnant and I found myself in such a downward spiral I ended up torn to pieces. I developped bad OCD, my life consisted of running to doctors, ordering blood tests, booking ultrasounds, buying HPTs, foreseeing worst-case scenarios... I couldn't see anything else. I couldn't tell right from wrong or even how irrational I was being. My brain was posessed by one and only overwhelming fear: PREGNANCY.

I was so worried I couldn't eat, quickly became severly malnourished (I'd almost pass out whenever I went out), developped alopecia, began drinking everyday as a way of trying to cope with the pain, I couldn't tell anyone in my family and didn't have any friends. All of this is documented in a loooong thread I started in here.

Then, slowly, I began to realise how much damage I was causing myself and how I was falling fast in the gutter. I went to see a therapist, it helped, but the biggest help I could get was from myself... I don't know where I found the strenght to, but I managed. I'm still suffering and struggling and cry often but I'm slowly climbing up the well.

I ended up realising it wasn't all about pregnancy: there were issues in my life I was not dealing with properly. They were feeding my fear and preventing me from moving on. From the moment I sought help and began to adress them, things got better. And they'll get even better as I'm working my bottocks off on making my life better [Smile]

Three lines of the best advice I can give to ANY girl/woman out there going through a pregnancy scare or not able to get over one:

I. Know the truth: test. In whatever way you can to be sure whether or not you are pregnant. Seeing a doctor would be the best thing to do. DO NOT go online asking the e-folks what they think and especially, DO NOT go looking for crazy urban legends about weird pregnancies and women who couldn't find out whether or not they were pregnant.

II. If you're still scared, even after you tested negative multiple times/got your period/the doctor said you weren't pregnant, seek a different kind of help. A pregnancy scare can trigger severe anxiety and other mental disorders that will keep you from seeing things clearly and getting back on track.

III. Face your fears. They'll always be scary. But the only way to make them go away is to look them in the eye and decide you can bear them. Your fears, in this case, can be of many kinds; fear your family's judgement, fear of losing your significant other, fear of major life changes, fear of heightened responsibility, fear of the physical pain of pregnancy/abortion/birth.... It's awful to think about these but after a while, you'll find yourself thinking "so what? if it has to be, I'll have to bear it."

Hope I've helped, hope you all get out of the dark, scary place you are in (and I'm still a little bit there, kind of) and get your life back. Remember, after a big scare and enduring prolongued pain and anxiety, you'll find yourself stronger than you were before. [Smile]

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CSandSourpatch
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I went through a bit of a scare a couple of months ago. Even though I knew in my head and heart that there was no possible way that I could be pregnant, I can attest that that little fear takes hold deeply very, VERY quickly, and it just does not let go.

Strangely enough, unlike a lot of scares I've heard of, I wanted to take a test so badly just to prove to myself that I was right--that I wasn't pregnant. Of course, the test came out negative, but that didn't stop me from almost collapsing out of anxiety waiting for the proof. (I will say that I wasn't worried after that, but I think that's because I was trying to prove to myself I wasn't pregnant, and from what I gather, there are a lot of scares where the scare-ee is trying to convince themselves they aren't pregnant while simultaneously trying to convince themselves that they are.)

I second all of Clara's suggestions, and add one of my own: find someone--a friend, a family member, a significant other, a counselor, ANYONE--who you trust to both try to talk you down when you're anxious, and just be there when you need a shoulder to lean on. Both my boyfriend and my roommate were invaluable sources of comfort--my roommate had gone through a similar scare a few years ago with nobody to support her.

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pink35
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I am afraid right now about the possibility of pregnancy. I have been told that this is not possible and I have nothing to worry about but I have also been told that it is possible. I was just wondering if I can or can not get pregnant from fingering while my boyfriend may have had some ejaculate or preejaculate on himself. I am not scheduled for my period for another 2 weeks and I am really nervous about this. Can someone please help and give me some advice on this situation?
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Heather
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Hey pink: how about instead of yet again asking the same questions we have made clear many times now have already been answered -- and have asked you, repeatedly, not to keep asking -- you go with the flow of the actual topic of this post?

In other words, you've had this scare; NOW what are you going to do about it? Where are you going to go from here? What do you think of some of the strategies other users have contributed in this thread: how about trying some of those?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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pink35
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okay I apologize.
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Heather
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I've heard you apologize: now I need you to actually stop doing the thing you keep apologizing for.

Last warning with this, please take it seriously and pay us and our service that respect.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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realdana27
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Hi Sis! I think the *************.com site can add information on this. I also had those problems few days ago. Glad I found that site. It was really helpful. Let me know if it was helpful.

I just edited out that URL as it's not a website we recommend, nor that offers anything helpful. We ask that you don't use this message board for advertising. - Jacob

[ 03-16-2014, 07:22 AM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]

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BigFish
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A couple of days ago I contacted Scarleteen and receive advice on my pregnancy scare. Honestly I accepted the answers that they provided for me. Initially I felt..that..I can't possibly know for sure if I cause anyone to be pregnant or not so I accepted the answer. However, I still had this fear in me (still have) and doubt because of what I previously read from so called professional medical websites [Frown] . Then I felt that my problems were cleared for a while. Until yesterday where I repeated the whole search for an answer routine ...and I still feel bad. Again I am sure they are based on fear rather than logic. also, because I keep imagining that some how it can happen...
I am starting to feel as if there is no hope in worrying and that I have suffered long enough from this issue or like clara said..I can cope with it if it happened. However, I am still scared due to the lack of knowledge and feel as if I missed up big time in life. So I would recommend looking for books about this subject and how pregnancies really happen so I can visualise and believe that all I have is just built on fear and has no logic to it. If you would be so kind to suggest a couple of books for me, it will be much appreciated.
Regards,
BigFish

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Heather
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One thing I am hearing from you, BigFish, is that you know something triggers anxiety in you...and you are choosing to keep doing it.

So, one of the best things you can do for yourself based on what you already know and have reported here is to make different choices, avoiding those -- like researching, especially online, rather than say, talking in-person with a healthcare provider -- you know amp your anxiety.

Honestly, since we know more of this information makes you MORE anxious, the last thing we would suggest is looking into MORE of it. That clearly isn't helping you, it's keeping you stuck. Logic doesn't tend to make a dent in irrational fear, it's almost like it just bounces off. When facts and logic can work is really only AFTER you have calmed yourself down, and stayed calmed down, and your anxiety is something you are managing.

My best advice would be for you to go and talk to a healthcare provider: not only can you talk to them about facts, and ask your questions, if you are suffering from anxiety, they can assess that for you and get you started on qualified, sound care for managing that. We can't do that for you: as we make clear in several places and notices, helping users manage ongoing anxiety is both outside our scope and our abilities.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BigFish
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Before asking here I have asked my own GP about the possibilities of my scenarios of causing pregnancies etc, and she said no. However, I asked about immediate fingering with a fully covered finger and the possibility of that causing a pregnancy, she also replied no and said its impossible and that the only way it can happen through intercourse and only that. Because of what I have saw on this site, this did make me question her credibility (I know she is a GB, but again there are so called health websites that kept saying the opposite so thats why I am confused in the first place) Regardless, like you said I am treating my anxiety and I will see my therapist.
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Heather
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You know, when a lot of healthcare practitioners talk, they use shorthand. So "intercourse" is often shorthand for "intercourse and other things that are basically just like it," like direct penis-to-vulva contact or direct, immediate vulval contact with fresh ejaculate. But from what I can gather, what your doctor said and the information we have given you is consistent: we have both been clear you are worried about a risk that is not, in fact, a risk in reality. There's no conflict there: we and she are in perfect agreement.

Again, I would strongly advise you step AWAY from the search engine. You know this is making you more fearful and anxious. You're asking how to manage or abate those fears and anxieties, and not doing things you know trigger them is a biggie.

Then, talk to your therapist about this and ask for their help. Do what they suggest.

Understand, too, we feel for anyone like you suffering like this from profound anxiety or fear. If we could make it just go away, you bet your bottom we would. But we can't. No one has that magic. [Frown]

All you can do is get and actively participate in the mental healthcare you have and do the things your therapist is probably helping you with to learn to manage and avoid anxiety (which likely involves avoiding triggers, be they being sexual with someone else or giving Google even another minute of your time).

I really hope that all starts working for you soon so you can start feeling better.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BigFish
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Heather, I can't thank you enough. I thought you looked at me as an annoying member [Frown] . Honestly, I didn't want to sound bothersome or repetitive. I've seen your warnings about repeating the same questions over and over..so I hope you can forgive me if I annoyed you or if I said something that could have been misinterpreted. I was going to ask one more time..about my pregnancy scare scenarios but I'm pretty sure you rather not hear it or answer it again. Again thank you for all your help, and I wish you the very best with your future. [Smile]
Very best regards,
Big Fish

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Heather
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You're welcome.

Understand that when we set and hold limits like we did with you, it's not about you being annoying. Rather, it's both about us doing what we need to to manage our jobs and do them well AND us doing what we know, to the best of our experience and education, is most likely to help you.

Helping keep someone obsessing about something in that obsession is so not helping. Instead, it's actually just doing something that tends to keep people stuck and keep them away from the kinds of self-care and qualified help that WILL help them.

We don't want any of you to suffer needlessly, so beyond managing things here the way we need to to run this place, I'd just ask anyone toss us a bit of faith that if we're doing something here with any of you, we do truly have the best of intentions, and our aim is to do what we can to help you stop suffering.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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