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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » Paralysed with fear Help

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Author Topic: Paralysed with fear Help
CatC89
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help
Posts: 19 | From: London | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CatC89
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I had a slip-up (withdrawal method, pre-cum anxiety) 10 weeks ago on a fertile day (didn't realise until later and we have been kicking ourselves since) and promptly followed up with the MAP (20 hours later). I have since endured a hellish 2 months of anxiety and basically every single pregnancy symptom conceivable. I have had 4 episodes of bleeding, each lasting at least 1 week long, the longest being 15 days, with no clots and no usual cramps (my usual cramps are horrific) - my breasts would hurt before each bleed, then taper off to slightly tingly and become painful again after a few days. I have headaches, nausea, aversion to certain smells, my breasts and stomach seem more veiny,my nipples tingly and painful, and hip area pain that seems to fit the descriptions of growing ligament pains, cramps in feet, even a LINEA NIGRA! (I believe i've always had a very faint line but never this long and deep and thick). Even my gums have been more sensitive and my wisdom tooth is bothering me - it never did before (I've read that pregnancy hormones can often trigger these). My blood pressure, usually low, has gone up, and my body temperature has gone up. I feel like I am emanating heat, although I don't have a fever.
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Molias
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Hi CatC89, and welcome to Scarleteen.

Have you taken a pregnancy test? At this point, results would be accurate and it sounds like that would be really helpful for you.

Keep in mind that one of the most common side effects of emergency contraception is changes to someone's menstrual cycle; what you're describing could certainly fall under that.

Also, if you haven't seen this article, I think it could be helpful: Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Symptom Freakout's Soul

How do you feel about taking a pregnancy test?

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CatC89
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Hi, I am unable to post a reply for some reason. I'm not sure if my post is too long
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CatC89
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My HCG blood serum is <1. Progesterone at 3. However Prolectin levels are elevated. I did an ultrasound which showed a blood clot with uterine lining of 4mm.
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CatC89
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Under Prolectin levels, they said 'If stress is excluded, consider pregnancy or hypothyroid'. My thyroid levels are normal. LSH suggests Follicular phase, while LH suggests Luteal. I just finished a strange bleed and my breasts are starting to hurt again and have grown bigger. I can also feel my uterus - it feels like a ridge/small ball with resistance measuring exactly at 10 weeks.
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Molias
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When you went in for the ultrasound, did your doctor say anything about pregnancy? It does sound like there could be some other health issue happening here, but a doctor's really going to be the best person to answer this question at this point, since we can't examine you and aren't doctors ourselves.
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CatC89
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She said the lining of my womb was slightly thickened (7mm) and there was fluid in the pouch of douglas that could be indicative of ovulation. She thought it was either an early pregnancy or an upcoming period, but she was doubtful it was pregnancy. This was at 8 weeks. I started my weird period bleeding soon after.
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CatC89
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A few days later while bleeding, I had an ultrasound at a different clinic and they found clots in the womb with tissue that seemed indicative of either miscarriage or a period. My lining was 4.4 mm here... Do you think I could still be pregnant? Can HCG blood tests ever be wrong?
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CatC89
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I read about decidual bleeding and all kinds of phenomenon where women don't produce hcg in the blood until the placenta takes over at 12 weeks.. what do you think?
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Robin Lee
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Have you shared any of these concerns with your doctor so that she could educate you about how pregnancy tests work and whether the things you've been reading are correct or not?

The thing with bleeding is that in order to sustain a pregnancy, there has to be a uterine lining. So, If you had a period, even if it was unlike any other period you have ever had, it's unlikely that a pregnancy could be sustained afterwards.

I've also never heard that about people not having HCG levels in their blood until 12 weeks. Where did you read that?

[ 08-05-2013, 07:43 PM: Message edited by: Robin Lee ]

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Robin

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CatC89
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Hi.. yes I have, and they told me it was impossible.. but I have OCD, and the more I read, the more anxious I get.

I seem to find so many stories on various forums about women whose bodies just never produced HCG levels.. one woman said it was because she only finished half of her birth control pack and her body was tricked into it, etc.

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CatC89
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according to these sites, decidual bleeding is caused by hormonal fluctuations, meaning that the side of the lining where the baby is not implanted would be shed, and b/c of the fluctuations the hormones wouldn't register on a test.

I don't think these sound logical, but reading the words 'My doctors were dumbstruck, they didn't know how it happened but here we are", and the like has really worried me.. I don't know what is going on. I have so many long episodes of bleeding and symptoms, I can't make head or tail of my cycle and my doctors can't tell me anything except 'You're not pregnant' or 'Maybe you had an early miscarriage'

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Robin Lee
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Let's start here:

What proof do you have that any of these stories are real? When you go to sites that are medical or educational in nature, do you find the same information?

I think you'll find this article gives you helpful information in evaluating your sources:

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/crisis/legit_or_unfit_finding_safe_sound_sex_educators_support_online

Also, it sounds like all the doctors are basically saying the same thing, -- that you're not pregnant now. Am I understanding that correctly?

[ 08-05-2013, 07:57 PM: Message edited by: Robin Lee ]

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Robin

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CatC89
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It's only forums where people pool their experiences that these miraculous stories happen. My doctors say anything is possible, but it's usually unheard of. They say that hcg at <1 is conclusively negative.

I tried asking them to examine the area I think is the uterus and even the linea nigra on my stomach, but they all dismiss it as irrelevant.

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CatC89
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But I'm still anxious. I can't help thinking that something must have happened to make me an anomaly - I spend hours on end googling and analysing all my different hormone levels and how they relate to my cycle. I'm worried I'll turn out like one of the women in the forum who 'defied the odds despite what their doctors said' and say to 'trust your instincts and body'
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CatC89
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I don't know when to expect my proper period. I don't know where my cycle is. I'm worried I won't find out til it's too late (for a termination). I know the logic and I know what the doctors say, but I just can't shake the fear.
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CatC89
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I read the link you sent - the thing is, the people whose stories I read aren't posing as sex educators, they just seem like genuine women posting their experiences on sites such as babycentre etc.
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Onionpie
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Hi CatC89. The thing is, with people on the internet, you can never know whether they're leaving out important information from the story they tell, or if they're making things up entirely. You don't know whether they have any kind of qualifications at all, so you can't have any idea how accurate any of their information is. So your best bet to stop yourself from getting anxious about pregnancy-risks-that-aren't is to try to stick to information provided by resources you know you can trust, okay?

And what your doctor said about "anything can happen" isn't strictly true -- we know that there are certain things that must happen for a pregnancy to occur. If you don't feel sure that you know what those things are, you can review this article:
Where DID I Come From? A Refresher Course in Human Reproduction

By the sounds of it, talking over this particular pregnancy risk any further isn't going to do you any good. It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety around this, and we often find with users that anxiety around pregnancy can stem from a more general anxiety. Do you have any known anxiety conditions? Do you feel anxiety only specifically about pregnancy, or are there any other situations that make you feel anxious? Do you feel comfortable with the kinds of sex you're participating in now, and do you feel comfortable and safe in the sexual relationship you have? Do you have any ideas about where this sever anxiety might be coming from?

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Robin Lee
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I'd like to ask you again though: What proof do you have that the women in the forum are telling the whole story, or even the real story at all?

I'd like to also suggest that your doctors are the experts on analyzing your hormone levels. They went through a lot of schooling to be able to do that, and wihle yes, they're human and can make mistakes, identifying whether someone is pregnant or not is something they do probably on a daily basis, so is something they know how to do very well.

Since the facts don't seem to be helping you here, it sounds like some different approaches are called for. I'd suggest talking to a healthcare provider about this anxiety specifically, and how you can manage it.

Have you had anxiety and fear like this over other things before? If so, how have you managed it?

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Robin

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CatC89
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Hi guys,

Thanks for the support. Yes, I have been diagnosed with OCD and have suffered for many years, on and off. It's usually dormant but flares up whenever I have a trigger. I come from a very conservative family, and I'm beginning a grad job that I tried really hard to get - that kind of compartmentalises the pregnancy anxiety for me, if that makes sense.

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CatC89
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It's the thought of, 'Oh God, when I start work I won't have time to visit the doctors if my AF is still late, and how will I know when to expect it, and if a baby somehow pops up, it will be too late to do anything, and I will lose my job and my parents will be so ashamed, and my world will come collapsing down.'

My sexual/physical/emotional rship w my bf is actually amazing... it's just issues surrounding my life that centralise it.

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CatC89
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I live and work in London, but am due to return to SA Asia this week for a surgery - and as I also have confessional OCD, I am worried I will blurt it all out to my parents. I am usually a logical person, it's just the 'what-ifs' and the myraid of possibilities that overwhelm me, and my symptoms are so real to me that I can't look beyond them. I have done everything i can - tests, consult doctors - apart from wait for the elusive AF, I don't know what else I can do.
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Robin Lee
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So, what treatments have you had for your OCD and what techniques have you been taught to manage it?

What do you think about getting some mental healthcare around this to help you through, particularly since you are starting a new job and have all that new-job stress to contend with?


And i'm sorry...what do you mean by your AF?

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Robin

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CatC89
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AF=Period

I was given meds but tapered off due to side effects.

My psychiatrist recommended last year that I attend psychotherapy sessions, but bc I was feeling better I left it on the wayside.

I might think about getting back on that. Staying on google and analysing symptoms (even from reputable websites on educated matters such as cervix positions etc) might be more destructive than good.

I should just draw the bottom line that I am definitely, unequivocally NOT pregnant and disregard everything.

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Robin Lee
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Nodding...yes, it may very well be that exploring this issue anywhere just isn't helpful to you right now.

i'd strongly encourage you to get some psychotherapy, particularly as it was recommended to you by someone who was treating you.

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Robin

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CatC89
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Thanks again. And although I should not ask for validation... on a final note, you really don't think there is any way I could still be pregnant right?
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