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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » I hope this is the right place to ask - I need help!

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Author Topic: I hope this is the right place to ask - I need help!
Angelica Maria
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This is a question that may or may not be allowed to ask advice about here, so I hope I'm on topic, better yet, I hope scarleteen is the right service to ask this question. If I'm in the wrong forum or even the wrong space for this topic, simply let me know and forgive me. At least I tried and I'll get help someplace else.

Anyway, I feel something's wrong with with me. I'm going through wanting things I shouldn't be wanting. I'm going through double conscience thing. This has been happening since I was 14 and still to this day. I've been fantasizing about getting pregnant young. I don't mean flash forward in the future when I'm married and stuff, I mean, at 14, I wishfully thought about having a baby at 14. I talked about having a baby. Same at 15, I thought about getting pregnant at 15. All through there, and now my wild fantasies are getting stronger and making think about having unprotected sex at this age to get pregnant at 19. Let me tell you, totally deep down, I know I am physically, emotionally, and financially not ready to have a child right now. I have goals. I wanna try out for american idol, have a singing career, hang out with my friends, but sometimes these fantasies make me focus on the cool parts. Especially, when I play with my baby cousins, and especially, especially, at times I don't get enough physical attention from babies that I'm around, it triggers me more. I know in my heart theres a bad side of having a kid right now. I'm pretty sure it's normal to fantasize about having babies because it's absolutely natural to want children. Some people don't, yes, but most people do, because otherwise no one would wanna have babies. It's just that I feel like I'm being overly triggered and I don't wanna give into that.

Let me give you an example. Starting from when I was 17, I met my bff who is a smoker. That was all he ever talked about and that was all I'd ever see him doing. Starting from their, getting further in our friendship, my desire to smoke grew more and more every time I hung out with him. He kept telling me "don't you dare" because he didn't want me to be in his place. I knew in my heart it was a bad idea because of the physical consequences. By the time I was 18, I could bare it no longer so guess what, I caved. I gave into my urge to smoke, I was in that bad habit for a whole year, I regretted it from the start, now I am working hard on quitting. I'm using replacements like the e-cigs. HERE'S THE DIFFERENCE! The mistake I made with smoking in the 1st place, getting sucked into that habit, I can fix that. I'm doing really good on quitting. I can stop it before it gets any worse. But when it comes to having a baby, I can't undo it. In other words, when it comes to cigarettes, it only effects ME. Having a child at 19, it effects me AND the kid I'm carrying. If I came into this world to find out it was because my mom thought she wanted me and regrets having me, I'd be hurt. My two older cousins we born unwanted. Their parents were teens. Their mom neglected them but the dad stayed by them but it wasn't easy. So it's not fair to the kid.

I saw this thing on the Maury show about teens who wanna have babies going to "baby boot camp". They assigned them somebody elses baby to show them what it would be like to be a teen mom. That's how they got help. I watch it and I'm like wow, I wouldn't do that mistake they're doing. I feel like I kind of need that kind of camp to change my mind. Or at least if there was a replacement like I have for the cigs (only before it begins), I just want something that can help me avoid giving into this desire. It's fine to have the desire but I wanna reduce it.

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*Angelica, A, A-Maria, Maria, Angie; address me as either of those* We shall never deny an individual's sexuality, even the most ridiculous identity. We are free to love who we love and identify our sexual orientation our way. Theres no rules!

Posts: 57 | From: NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know, I hear you saying that you have these feelings, but know that rationally, those feelings don't make trying to become pregnant and parent any time soon a good choice for you.

That given, really, we can have feelings and temper them with reason. Since you're clearly able to do that, all you really need to do is to keep doing that.

But if you feel like you need help in that regard, if you think you can't actually make sound choices around this, then I'd suggest you ask your parent for some help with this, or about that program you feel interested in. It's sounded like you have a mother who is very much accessible to you and invested in you, so it seems to me that if you think you need help around this, she's your very best first resource.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68237 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Angelica Maria
Activist
Member # 96266

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So you're saying get help from my mom?

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*Angelica, A, A-Maria, Maria, Angie; address me as either of those* We shall never deny an individual's sexuality, even the most ridiculous identity. We are free to love who we love and identify our sexual orientation our way. Theres no rules!

Posts: 57 | From: NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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If you don't feel like you can stay rational here and make good choices per not trying to become pregnant sooner than you know you're ready for, then yep: given the sense we have of your Mom at this point, I'd say she's probably the best person for you to ask for help with this with.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68237 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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