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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » Cannot get over this scare.. I just don't believe it's a scare at all..

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Author Topic: Cannot get over this scare.. I just don't believe it's a scare at all..
littlemisssunshine92
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Hey. I'm new here and am stressing over what I know is probably just a pregnancy scare.. But i cannot get over it..I just can't. I have read the materials.. I know there is a risk, but that it's small. I also know that with a negative test a week late, it's 99% accurate. But I feel like I can't breathe all of the time. I'm not eating the right way anymore, and i'm constantly upset. my boyfriend is starting to get worried that my anxiety will effect my health. so, I felt like I needed to ask anyway, even for advice on how to relax. Here's the lowdown..

I'm 21, and a junior in college. My boyfriend of a year and I recently started having sex (he is my first, and I have a feeling he will be the man I marry). He is really sweet and stops whenever I feel anxious or anything like that. We are always really safe. He uses a spermicidal trojan condom every single time and always pulls out before he ejaculates. He did have a long-term girlfriend before me and has experience with condoms, and in such is knowledgable about proper use and what-not.

This being said, I know even with proper use, they are not 100% effective. I was on the pill for a while before he and I started being active, but was forced to stop because I was developing fibroadenomas and have a strong family history of breast cancer. My doctor wanted to be safe rather than sorry.

My last cycle started Jan 18th, and lasted roughly 6 days. I generally am on about a 28 day cycle, although I was not regular before starting the pill so I cannot be positive. Generally, it is about 6 days- light at first, then heavy for 2 or 3 days, and light again. On tuesday Feb 12th I started 'spotting'- a tiny bit of pink and brown. I put a liner on, expecting my period. That was, however, all of it for the day. Wednesday through that saturday (16th) I had about 2 or 3 drops of bright red and brown spotting once a day.It looked like regular period drops. Since then, nothing. No spotting or anything.. Just some typical cm discharge.

For a few days, I swore i was having symptoms- nausea but not vommiting, moodiness, minor cramps and heachaes. They have basically subsided now, minus the nausea. I have not had any changes in my breasts.

On Monday Feb 18th, I took an EPT test first thing in the morning. Negative. that friday I took a First Response Gold, first thing in the morning. Negative. The next monday, negative. That friday, negative. I took one again this past Friday morning, using a clear blue digital. Negative. I am now about 2 weeks past due for my period.. A blood test is essentially impossible. My family is inbetween insurances and I cannot pay for one. My boyfriend is also a poor college student (only 2 more years till we're both [hopefully] graduates with masters degrees!). If I do not get my period in the next three months, I will have to tell my mother what is going on I suppose.. I will need to see a doctor.

Could you please help me with how to relax? I know, based on your material, that my chances are slim. But at this point, the stress is effecting my relationships and health.. I could use someone's opinion or words of wisdom on relaxing. I did read the "Not pregnant, still scared" section and agree.. it was a traumatic event. still.. Anything I can do?

[ 03-03-2013, 08:38 PM: Message edited by: littlemisssunshine92 ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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We can probably help you find a place to get a clinic test for free or very low cost (like $10, etc.) if you want.

But it sounds like the real issue here right now is your anxiety, more than anything else.

What do you usually do for yourself, in other situations in life, when you're experiencing high anxiety? How do you typically take care of yourself around feelings like this?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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littlemisssunshine92
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Well, would you reccommend that? Do you think there's a chance I'm pregnant? Well, I know there *is* but I was sortof hoping it was too slim to be viable. Ha. =/

Well.. I am a nuclear medicine student going on for OT in grad school, so stress is common.. I guess usually, I spend time with my friends. We watch movies and go out for a bite to eat and a drink. And I love to sing, so I will write a song or play my guitar trying to calm down. But somehow, it almost makes it worse. I feel guilty like I should have spent the time being more productive.
Or, I will call my boyfriend. He usually takes me out or we'll cook dinner together, or even just take a nap and calm down.
Plus, I turned 21 on Feb 19th. You can't even imagine how much I beat myself out for buying a drink that night. Despite several negative tests, I felt like I was harming my innocent little baby. My boyfriend was hoping I'd relax a little if I enjoyed my birthday.. but nope. I was a nervous wreck, upset that nest year, I'd have an infant smearing the cake for me.. Oh boy, I am a mess.

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Heather
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I don't hear you describing a condom failure: the thing with condoms, unlike other methods, is that we can know if and when they fail and may be less than 100% effective. It's when they aren't worn the whole time, or when they break or slip off. If none of that happened then you can know that, for that time, your condom WAS completely effective.

Makes sense? (Given what you study, I assume so, since this is way elementary in comparison, but just checking. [Razz] )

Also? Know, even though pregnancy doesn't seem likely here, that alcohol in moderation is NOT associated with fetal problems.

How about tonight you do one or more of those things you know calm you down?

If you're thinking about them not being productive, maybe it'd help to realize that worrying isn't either, and anything that helps you out of this IS productive for your health and well-being.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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littlemisssunshine92
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As far as he and I know, there was no failure. They were used the whole time and he pulled out before ejaculating. He then left and disposed of it, washed off, and returned. There were times when it looked as though the condom was slipping. If that were the case, we stopped the intercourse as soon as we noticed it, before ejaculation happened. In these cases.. precum may have been an issue, I suppose. However, as far as I know, it had been at least a few hours since he would have "finished" any other time (we never went more than once in a row) and he certainly would have used the bathroom and cleared his urethra out.. But now that I'm realizing there was slippage (even if we stopped) I'm nervous again. haha. Awesome..

I should do that. I'm on spring break, and here I am writing a paper.. I need to get out more. haha.
And thank you for that word about alcohol. It's weird being the legal age and still feeling wrong about it. XD

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littlemisssunshine92
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Also, me being a hypochondirac, I feel like everything I feel is a symptom. Wake up a little sleepy? Uh-oh. Excess watery discharge? crap. Headavhe? oh no! Ate a little more at lunch? I'm eating for two.. This is ridiculous. Plus, I read those stories of women who didn't get positive results on pregnancy tests for months. It makes me nervous that even though I tested well after my late period, it could be wrong. [Frown]
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Heather
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Were you able, last night or so far today, to start doing some of that self-care you mentioned?

Condoms slipping a bit while being worn isn't associated with failure. It's only if they slip off the penis, and inside the vagina, where that becomes an issue per pregnancy.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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littlemisssunshine92
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Yes, I listened to some music and got a good night's sleep after calling my boyfriend (thank goodness he's supportive- I have no doubt's he;d stay with me if things fell that way).

Today my best friend asked me to take her to the hospital for the birth of her first child. She is married (21 is young, but its a military relationship) and is being induced today. So, while it makes me nervous to have a baby scenario going on so close in my life, I am so excited to meet my future "niece" [Smile] Hopefully seeing that it does work out when young will help me relax, as well.

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Heather
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Actually, being in the reality of a pregnancy, rather than in phobia or paranoia about it, seems to me like it might very well be a good thing for you.

Enjoy that: birth is mighty cool! [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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littlemisssunshine92
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Hey! Mama and baby are doing so well, and she is SO cute. I do think it helped to see, because although I'm still nervous, I know that a baby is a blessing. I really want to wait a few years and be married first.. but at least I know that they are little miracles and while it's okay to be scared, I shouldn't look at it like my life is over.. Quite the contrary.

I am still nervous, of course. I will go back to school in a few days and see my bf again. I still have a last clear-blue that I haven't taken (3 came in a box- nice value!) so I'll wait one more week and take it. By then I would be late for my second period.. So if a test is still negative, I'd hardly doubt I was pregnant... I hope.. Granted, I would still need to go see a doctor and figure out what the heck is wrong with me.

I really don't have any symptoms.. I feel like I would have started to feel them by now. Right?

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Karybu
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Pregnancy symptoms vary hugely, so they're not really a very reliable indicator. But you've taken multiple tests at this point, from what I understand, and they've all been negative, so that's really all the information you need right there. It sounds like it might be helpful for you to see a doctor though, to figure out what's going on, and they could do another test for you if you wanted as well.

If you'd like, we can help you find a low-cost clinic in your area. (Or you can see if there's a listing in the Find-a-Doc database on the main site.)

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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littlemisssunshine92
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I really do need to. Not only because of the scare, but also because I think I probably have a hormonal imbalance of some sort. I feel like I'm constantly pmsing.. one second I'm good and happy, the next I'm in tears and yelling at my -oh-too-understand boyfriend that I don't wanna be with him because (insert some absolutely ridiculous story here). Thank god he loves me enough to work with me through it. Plus, I'm having sleep problems and headaches and lots of other issues.
Of course, all of these things, I sunconsciously equate to the bun that's in my oven.. Even though it's not actually there. I just wish I'd get my darn period and be able to relax. =/ my friends are sick of hearing about it (though they'll always listen) and I'm tired of the stress it causes and the problems I'm having focusing on school and being young because of it. *sigh*
And that would be nice.. I'll take a look!

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littlemisssunshine92
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WOOHOO!
My period came today! 3 weeks late? Or maybe I just skipped a cycle and this one came a week early? I don't know...
Now I wonder if I should still see a doctor, or if I should just accept that my body is a freakshow...
I am glad that this happened, in a way. It made me conscious of my true feelings towards the matter- being ready with a special someone doesn't mean you're ready with yourself. I definately need to wait to have sex again.. Maybe until I'm married, or maybe just until I can find a kind of birth control that works for me, on top of condoms. Thank you all, so much, for your support. It feels wonderful to be able to breathe. [Big Grin]

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Molias
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I'm glad to hear it! =)
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