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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » Pregnant?

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Author Topic: Pregnant?
his87love52910
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Me and my boyfriend have been sexually active for about 2 years now. And we barley ever use condoms. I'm not worried about stds or anything because were both eachothers first. And he's always had ALOT of precum. Like even if i was giving him a hand job you could see the cum on his penis. And since we have sex frequently unprotected I was windering what the chances were of me getting prenant. Also the last time we had sex we used a condom but it broke. And later when we went to pick up the condom it was still dripping with precum. I was worried about it having gotten inside of me when it broke. Is that possible?
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Robin Lee
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HI his87love52910,

When engaging in intercourse with or without using birth control, there is always a risk of pregnancy, the risk is just a lot lower depending on what birth control method is used. You've mentioned pre-ejaculate several times here, and I'm wondering if your partner ejaculates during intercourse (ejaculate is different from pre-ejaculate) or if he withdraws before ejaculation. Could you clarify this as it will help us assess your pregnancy risks with you.

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Robin

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his87love52910
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He pulls out. And I'm not on any form of birth control.
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Heather
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Know how when you're wearing socks, they cover all of your feet and keep your feet inside unless there's a hole in them?

The same goes here. If a condom does not break or tear, the fluid inside of it stays inside of it.

When condoms fail, they fail because the condom has broken or torn or slipped off the penis into the vagina.

If you had a condom break, but before ejaculation, it's the same level of risk there is when you are not using condoms. That's estimated to be around 4% in one year of use of withdrawal perfectly.

But if you don't want to become pregnant, it sounds like it might be sound for us to talk about a method besides withdrawal, especially since in typical use, it's one of the two that fails the most (in typical use, withdrawal is only between 73-82% effective in a year of use), and/or about how to store and use condoms properly so they don't break, since they very rarely do with proper use.

[ 01-22-2013, 03:31 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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his87love52910
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I agree and I think it'd be best for me to be on birth control but my mom just hasn't put me on it. She's nit against it she just hasn't 'gotten around to it'. And there was cum in the condom when it broke. I could see it. And like I said, later when I picked it up it was still practically dripping with cum. We used two condoms, since the first one borke. And the actual one he finished in had less cum in it then the broken one had all over it.
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Heather
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You don't need a parent to access other forms of birth control. You also don't need a parent to learn to use condoms consistently and correctly. We can help you with either or both of those things. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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(I'm also guessing --and hoping -- that if your mother understood or knew you were having unprotected sex you wouldn't otherwise be having without other birth control, she'd make helping you with this much more of a priority. Is she aware of the fact that you're engaging in sex unprotected most of the time?)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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his87love52910
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She has no idea I'm having in unprotected sex, but she knows about the sex in general.
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his87love52910
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I also have no problem with going to buy condoms or stuff like that. We just never use them. We always gave sex in a kind of 'spur of the moment' type of way. So we just kind of forget about protection and say "oh next time". But then next time rolls around and we forget again and end up saying the same thing.
Also us there a high risk of me being pregnant from the situation i described?

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Heather
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So, this really isn't on her and her not making it a priority: it's also on you not letting her know it is one.

How about you take some responsibility here, get proactive, and let her know if you only will seek out other methods with her help?

I'm also guessing that given what you've been talking about with this relationship, that has a LOT to do with what's happening. Also? Figure at least one of you really isn't forgetting. Especially this guy: he knows what a condom feels like on. When he isn't wearing one, he knows he's not. He's not forgetting. As well, making the choice not to make agreements around this or hold lines or prepare? Those really ARE choices you're both making. Know what I mean?

They're just choices WAY more likely to bite you in the butt than him. [Frown]

Like I said, if a condom broke, but your partner hadn't ejaculated, there is a higher risk than if it hadn't, so there is certainly some risk, but it is not likely very high.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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his87love52910
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Ok, that's a relief. Thank u.

And I think I will talk to my mom and set some boundries with him. Thank you very much!!!!!!!!

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Heather
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This thing about forgetting, btw, isn't just you. This is a denial script that's certainly come up before, or, since that lingo is a little harsh, a way of framing lack of condom or contraception use that usually isn't what's really happening, and also really keeps people from keeping themselves safe and sound.

I'm hammering out a quick blog post about it if you're interested.

I'm really glad to hear you're going to talk to your Mom. Since it sounds like she wants to be supportive with this, not letting her strikes me as really throwing away help it sounds like you need, you know? Maybe while you're talking to her, you could also ask her for help with the struggles you've been having with this relationship, period?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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his87love52910
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She knows all about my relationship struggles. She's always there for me, but she's stuck in hating him so it's just hard to get her past seeing things in my view sometimes just because she dislikes him sooo much.
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Heather
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Well, maybe her strong negative feelings about this have a basis?

After all, it sounds like while you have hoped this would be a great relationship, it hasn't been, and it sounds like it's been making you feel like crud for a while.

That given, it'd hardly be surprising if anyone who cared about you could feel positive or neutral about this, you know?

Sometimes -- not always, but sometimes -- this funny thing happens where our parents are actually right, after all. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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his87love52910
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Yeahmy mom is usually right about a lot of stuff. I just need to learn to listen to her as things are happening instead of realizing she was right after all is said and done.
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Heather
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Well, you know what? Parents aren't always right. And part of adolescence is about differentiating yourself from your parents and finding out some things on your own. So, there's some middle ground here.

But for sure, sometimes parents WILL be right. And I think that with something like this, when a parent you know cares about you doesn't feel good about a relationship, you know you often feel bad about/in it, and then, as may also have happened, friends say something about how this doesn't seem good, and you start to see that you really are all basically in agreement?

Then yeah. Clearly, Mom was unto something. [Smile]

In any event, it sounds like she'd probably be more than willing to help yourself when it came to getting away and staying away from this relationship. So, I imagine you can ask for her help with this and that she'll be glad to give it.

[ 01-22-2013, 05:33 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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