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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » Twiiiins

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Author Topic: Twiiiins
Noemiiiiiiii
Neophyte
Member # 98953

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Hi all.

I've been reading your website over the last couple of days and think the advise
you give seems so helpful.
I feel like I need a place to talk, where I won't be judged. And I'm hoping I can do it here.
Six weeks ago I had twins and they are great but they are twins and I am TIIRED. I feel very much like I do it all on my own. I'm not on my own I live with my boyfriend but he leaves for work 6 and doesn't get in till 9 and he does that 4 days a week, and at weekends he works part time. So when it comes down to it half the time he's to tired. I'd be pissed at him but that doesn't seem fair.
I don't really have any family to fall back on. My mum died when I was little and I never knew my dad. All I had was my grandma, and it sort of feels like my friends have forgotten about me since I had the babies. I guess I'm just feeling a little lonely and overwhelmed. Thanks for listening.

Posts: 7 | From: Hereford (England) | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time, Noemiiiiiiii. We're happy to talk with you.

For sure, being a new parent, especially a young, new parent, often is very socially isolating. And being any kind of parent of an infant is super-exhausting, especially of two!

Would you like to just talk some of this out, or do you want us to help you with strategies for you and your boyfriend to better manage parenting together so you don't feel so on your own?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Noemiiiiiiii
Neophyte
Member # 98953

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I'm not sure. I just needed someone to talk to. I do really feel like some better strategies would be really helpful though.
Posts: 7 | From: Hereford (England) | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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HI Noemiiiiiiii,

Sure thing.

How about we start with what other supports you have. Do you have local family members, friends, or both who are supportive of you and able to help in some way?

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Robin

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Noemiiiiiiii
Neophyte
Member # 98953

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Hii. I don't really have any family at all maybe a uncle or an aunty somewhere and there's my dad but I really have no way of getting in touch with him, my friends it's weird, they've all kind of disappeared. So it's only really me and him at the minute. He doesn't really have a relationship with his mum and she hasn't seen the kids. The only person there is is his sister. But she's away at the minute.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Unfortunately, that often happens with friends when you have kids (and vice-versa). And if you're in your late teens or early twenties, friendships tend to change around that time, too.

have you looked into any social Mom's groups, or new Mom groups around you to try and make some new friends, friends who also totally get what you're going through?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Robin Lee
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First of all, my apologies. You did talk in your first post about how you don't have family, and I still asked you anyway.

While I certainly do understand that you don't want to be pissed off with your boyfriend for something he can't help, it seems to me pretty important that you talk with him so he knows how you're feeling, and so that the two of you can come up with a way to share the childcare that works for both of you. What do you think about having a conversation like that with him?

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Robin

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Noemiiiiiiii
Neophyte
Member # 98953

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I went to a group a couple times maybe twice, but I just felt so tired I found it difficult.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I assume you mean physically tired?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Noemiiiiiiii
Neophyte
Member # 98953

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Oh yeah sorry. Physically tired.
Posts: 7 | From: Hereford (England) | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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No worries. And that's totally understandable.

Have you tried exploring online communities for new and/or young Moms? That might help fill some gaps for you and be something you can do in the moments you have, and in the comfort of your own place. In a chair. [Smile]

Maybe it would help, too, to talk out some of what you're missing here? In other words, you're lonely. What would you like to be happening? Like, people coming over to hang out with you and help you out? Friends to call you and talk with you every now and then?

How are you doing with your general mood, too? I ask because post-partum depression is so common and can last a long time. And that can certainly make a person feel much more tired AND more lonely than usual.

One extra thing, around the social piece: might your boyfriend and you make some time to all go out together (with the twins) once every week or two? Even if it's just a walk out to the park or something?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Noemiiiiiiii
Neophyte
Member # 98953

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I hadn't thought about online communities and it might actually work better for me [Smile]
I'd just like to hang out with my friends every so often or just have someone to talk to and be able to have a conversation that isn't about nappies or formula.
I feel a little low in mood but I presume it's just cause I'm tired, I don't always feel down just sometimes.
That sounds like a good idea I'll put it to him when he gets home.

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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I think the online communities could also be a good place to find out what other young mothers do for socialization.

In terms of spending time with your friends, you could either invite them over, or see if your boyfriend could watch them for a few hours while you go out with your friends. If you were to schedule something like that ahead of time, do you think he'd be amenable to taking care of the little ones for a couple of hours?

--------------------
Robin

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Noemiiiiiiii
Neophyte
Member # 98953

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I'm sure if if I planned it in advance rather than just spring it on him he'd be okay with looking after them,
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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[Smile]

How did talking to him about doing family things every once in a while go?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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