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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » dry humping..

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Author Topic: dry humping..
Solipsizm
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Well. I'm back. So the story is the same. Dry bumping with my girlfriend. I was wearing jeans and two pairs of boxer briefs. My gf was wearing pantiesand sweat pants. She is on the second to last pill in her birth control and hasnotgotten her period. She takes lo loestrin fe. She puked up an active pill a few days back so I'm wondering if that might cause her periodto notcome. Also can you have a late period on birth control?
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Onionpie
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Yes, it is possible for a withdrawal bleed to come late while on birth control. It certainly may have to do with the pill she missed from vomiting the other day.

We addressed in your last post whether dry sex poses a pregnancy risk or not -- are you expressing that you're still concerned about pregnancy here, although you logically know it's not possible? Because as stephanie said in your last post, when that happens it's really a good idea to take a step back and really consider whether we're 100% comfortable participating in the kinds of sexual activity we are doing. Because oftentimes, that kind of anxiety about pregnancy non-risks tends to be a sign of underlying issues of discomfort there, you know?

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Solipsizm
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First off -- thanks for replying. I feel I'm a bit of a nuisance. Second -- logically yes. I understand the chance of pregnancy here is 0. But I'm mortified about it happening. Perhaps it's the what-if that gets me scared to the point of illness. I have thought a lot lately about the situation and I realize I'm not ready.I want to stop and my girlfriend is accepting... however angry she is about it. She is not worried about it in any way whatsoever. She knows its impossible. So to her my refraining from these activities is me not thinking of her feelings. I have made it clear it is not happening again. I just wanna learn to get over this fear... after this incident is resolved. I wanna know 100% that she is not pregnant.
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Claire P.
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Would putting a condom on (before getting back into your pants) for dry humping lessen your fear of getting your girlfriend pregnant, do you think? Just wondering about the basis of that fear, if you are aware of the actual illogicality.

[ 09-08-2012, 06:53 AM: Message edited by: Claire P. ]

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Solipsizm
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Probably not. Its not the logic. I know my fear is an irrational fear but I cant shake my fear.
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Solipsizm
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The condom is probably something id remind myself of throughout the month to ease my worry for a few hours. I know I'm probably not mature enough to partake in these activities. I'm not doing them again for a long time.
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Onionpie
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Hi solipsizm. So, since it sounds like you're pretty aware that this fear isn't about actual pregnancy risks, and it's more of an anxiety, I definitely think it was a good idea of you to express your boundary and stop doing those things for now [Smile]

I'm sorry to hear that your girlfriend reacted like that -- that's really not right of her. When a partner expresses a boundary we should be able to respect it, not get angry about it. It doesn't matter if SHE is comfortable with the situation, the fact is that you are not and thus you shouldn't have to participate. You should never be expected to ignore your own boundaries, it's not about "thinking about her feelings", it's about not doing things you are not okay with doing. After all, I'd hope that if she expressed not being comfortable with doing something, you wouldn't get angry at her for that [Smile]

One thing we can do when we have some major anxiety like this that we want to deal with, is to seek out some in-person help with it, like counselling. Maybe that sounds drastic to you, but counselling is a really great way to make some solid changes to our thinking patterns and find ways of dealing with our anxiety. So I think it's definitely something you should consider. What do you think?

[ 09-08-2012, 09:26 AM: Message edited by: Onionpie ]

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Robin Lee
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I hope you don't mind if I chime in here for a second. From everything you've said here, This really isn't a matter of not being mature enough, particularly if we're talking about matirtyin terms of age. Lots of people of any age opt notto engage in sexual activities for a varety of reasons. In my book, it shows great matirty to recognize when one isn't ready for or able to do something.

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Robin

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Solipsizm
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Thanks for all of the replies. I seriously appreciate everyones well thought out replies and advice. I was with my girlfriend today and stuck to my guns. No dry humping today. As far as counseling goes; ive had a bad experience with therapists/counselors. Frankly my main concern is the missed period. Despite the birth control it hasn't come. I'm thinking its the pill she threw up the plus the single antibiotics pill she was given the next day by a
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Solipsizm
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Docter for the vomiting spell. But the thing is during the dry humping incident I never ejaculated. That's why I'm aware that I'm being irrational. Precumt getting through five layers of clothing? I doubt it. But I'm still really scared. With y'alls help ive been able to at least calm myself. But just for the record I am at 100% no risk whatsoever for pregnancy?
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Karybu
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There's no risk.

I'm sorry you've had bad experiences with counselling in the past, and I understand why that would make you reluctant to seek out help that way again. Is it something you'd be willing to consider, though? Not all counsellors are the same - there are some not so great ones out there, for sure - and it can take some time to find someone you work well with. What do you think?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Solipsizm
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I mean its a possibility but that would mean going through my parents which would mean explaining that I have been sexual with my girlfriend. I dunno its a possibility I suppose.
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Robin Lee
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One place for you to start that might feel a little easier for you is to make an appointment with your doctor to talk with them about your anxieties and concerns.

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Robin

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Solipsizm
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I just don't understand because I know im being stupid. I just cant shake this. Even you say there is no risk but I still have the fear deep in my gut. We used to do it a long time ago and I never feared but after a school based Family Life sex ed class that's when the worry started. So I guess I'm all freaked out over an overbiased "abstinence only" fear thing. I can think about the doctor thing but again I want this little episode to be done with before I start handling it.I cant really do anything for myself when something like this is obstructing my logical thought.
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Onionpie
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Hi solipsizm. You're not being stupid! You're just scared, there's nothing stupid about that [Smile]

You say you want this particular case to be over before you talk to anyone about it. However, karyn told you straight up that you have no risk at all, and you say you find you're still anxious about this, so I'm wondering if it would be best to talk to your doctor anyway? In fact, you should talk about this particular concern with your doctor as well -- perhaps hearing it from them will finally help you to relax about this particular incident. What do you think?

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Solipsizm
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I will look into it. Thanks everyone for the replies and your concern.shes finished her birth control pack and no period so other than talking to my doctor all I can rlly do is wait out the month and see what happens next month.
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