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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » I need advice...

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Author Topic: I need advice...
aoh1991
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Tonight my boyfriend and I were making out in his bed. We make out and dry hump regularly (both of us ALWAYS have on pants and underwear) as there doesn't seem to be a viable pregnancy risk when you and your partner are fully clothed.

While making out, he asked if he could finger me. I first told him to do it over my pants, which was okay. He then asked me if he could do it over my underwear. I agreed, which was fine. Then, he asked if he could go inside my underwear. Without thinking, I agreed. He fingered me both vaginally and by stimulating my clitoris until I climaxed.

I just want to know if this would be considered a pregnancy risk... I've read the pregnancy risk assessment, but I still kind of want your opinion. I know that he had a erection, but I cannot be certain if he came or not. If he did, though, it would have been inside his pants. We had the light on, and I didn't see any wet spots on his pants that would indicated that he had.

Anyway, through all of this he never once had his pants off or zipped down, and I'm nearly 100% positive that he did not touch his bare genitals at any point.

I guess I'm just scared that maybe he got semen on his hand somehow before he fingered me. I know that that's almost impossible from the circumstances described, but I'm still kind of freaked out. I think part of the reason I'm so scared is because it was the first time anyone has fingered me. Do you guys think that I should pick up EC tomorrow to be on the safe side? Or do you think that it would be unnecessary? Any help is greatly appreciated.

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eryn_smiles
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There is no viable pregnancy risk from this situation and you do not need to take EC. Firstly, you had no direct contact between each others' genitals. And to get pregnant through fingering, you would likely need to insert a handful of fresh semen inside your vagina, which did not happen in this case.

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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aoh1991
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Thanks for your quick reply. I'd really rather not be pregnant bc I'm just not ready for that responsibility yet. So, you really think that the type of sex that I took part in doesn't pose any pregnancy risks? And that EC isn't necessary? I just need reassurance. I can't quit worrying.
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Saffron Raymie
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As Eryn said, there's no risk from manual sex ('fingering') of any kind. You cannot transfer sperm cells that way because they are much too delicate - unless you were deliberately inserting handfuls of fresh ejaculate. So no, EC isn't needed here because you haven't had a risk of pregnancy.

For future reference, the only way to have a pregnancy risk at all, of any size at all, is to have a bare penis and a bare vulva make contact with each other directly - or have fresh ejaculate come straight out of the penis and land straight on a bare vulva.

[ 02-03-2012, 02:03 PM: Message edited by: Saffron Reimi ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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aoh1991
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Common sense tells me that there's zero pregnancy risk... but if I wanted to go ahead and take EC tomorrow (it would be less than 48 since the fingering) simply for ease of mind, would there be any negative side effects? If so, I might just wait it out. My period is scheduled to come within the next 6 days...
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Saffron Raymie
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EC is actually less harmful to your health than regular combination pill use. Although I must stress that preganncy is impossible for you, if you wanted to take EC to ease your worries, go ahead. However, EC really isn't designed for regualr use; it can make you feel sick, can be expensive, it can really alter your periods for a while. EC is meant for use when a form of contraception fails. As EC isn't reccomended for regular use, it would be a good idea not to engage in manual sex until your feel much less anxious about how ricky (or not) manual sex is. Do you think that's something you'd like to try?

Here's some more information on EC:

All About Emergency Contraception

10 Common Myths Busted about Emergency Contraception

[ 02-04-2012, 04:43 AM: Message edited by: Saffron Reimi ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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Saffron Raymie
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Another idea would be always make sure you've both freshly washed your hands before sex. This is also a great idea because it will protect you from vaginal infections such as BV, yeast infections, and UTIs.

Latex or nitrile gloves are can also be used for sex using hands. Most pharmacies or medical supply stores sell them. You can also ask your sexual healthcare provider if they’d give you some from their own supply. Gloves will also protect you from any STI risks as well as vaginal infections.

There's also the option of male of female condoms for manual sex if that's something that would make you feel better. Male condoms can go on fingers and female condoms can cover your whole vulva while you engage in manual sex. If your worried about him touching his gentials - although that still would present any pregnancy risk at all - one option would be him wearing a condom for all kinds of sex. Condoms also offer protection against STIs and vaginal infections - although vaginal infections won't be an issue if you've both washed your hands. Here's more on Male & Female Condoms - remember that the risks of pregnancy usuing condoms apply to genital-to-gential contact and intercourse, not manual sex. Here's more on Latex Gloves and Other Barriers for All Kinds of Sex.

[ 02-04-2012, 05:06 AM: Message edited by: Saffron Reimi ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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aoh1991
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Thank you so much for all of your help... I don't really have anyone at home to ask these questions too bc my mom doesn't agree with sex before marriage, and I'm kind of embarrassed to talk to my girlfriends about this kind of stuff. I've thought my situation all night, and I think that I'm just going to wait it out and see if I get my period. I haven't felt quite right since that night, but I'm pretty sure that's just anxiety messing with me. Even though I can't get rid of that worried "what if" feeling, I'm almost 100% positive that we didn't do anything risky.

I've read that the only way I could get pregnant from this would be if there was visible semen dripping from his hand. And, I think that I would have noticed if that was the case, and I know for sure he wouldn't have put his hands anywhere near my vagina if he had semen dripping from his hands. Also, on the off chance that he did have some semen on his hands that we missed which is unlikely, surely it would have been rubbed off on my pants and my underwear when he fingered me over them.

Along with using condoms, I think I'm going to try and visit my doctor and talk to her about birth control. I'm NOT planning on having sex anytime soon as I'm just not ready for that, but I just want to be able to do these things with my boyfriend without having to freak out every time lol.

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Saffron Raymie
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You not 'feeling quite right' wouldn't be anything to do with pregnancy this early anyway, despite not having had a risk, so I agree that it would just be anxiety causing those feelings.

Yep, what you've read was exactly right - a hand would have to be dripping and covered with semen to cause a risk - you'd both definatley notice. It doesn't matter if there was any less semen than that on his hands - that's way too little to be risky, anyway. Sperm cells really, really don't survive at all on hands; rubbed off by pants and underwear or not.

Well, manual sex is a kind of sex, just the same as intercourse - so you have had sex. The only difference is that genital intercourse poses pregnancy risks, whereas manual sex doesn't. I would absolutely recommend birth control to help you feel better about the manual sex ('fingering') you do have.

I'm glad you're feeling better. [Smile]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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aoh1991
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I appreciate you all talking me through this stuff so much. I finally got my period. It was about 2 days earlier than usual, but it's definitely a period. I had a few more questions for you guys...

Tonight, my boyfriend and I was sitting right beside each other on his couch. We were making out and I had my leg over him. During it I was kind of sliding my knee over his penis (once again, we both had on pants and underwear. Also, I had on a pad) repeatedly bc he said it felt good.

After a few minutes, he unzipped his pants and slipped his penis out of his underwear and up through the opening. I let him slide my hand down and rub his penis for a bit. He finished himself off with his hand. I know he ejaculated, but I think that before he did, he slipped his penis back into his pants so he wouldn't make a mess. Nearly 100% positive, but can't be absolutely certain he did this.

Anyways, on to my questions... Did this put me at risk of pregnancy? I feel almost silly asking this, like before, because I know that the chances of getting pregnant with your pants on is next to none. I had my pants on the whole time. I touched myself through my pants without washing my hands shortly after.

After I had returned home (about 30 minutes after I touched him), I washed my hands and put on hand sanitizer just to be on the safe side. Then I peed , and only then did I touch my bare genitals. Hand sanitizer/washing my hands would have killed any sperm that may or may not have been on my hands, right? And if I had on pants, would I be correct in saying that no sperm could have gotten through my layers of clothing if any landed on my pants?

Sorry this is so lengthy, but I just want to make sure that I haven't put myself at risk before I go into freak-out mode. Thanks in advance for any help.

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eryn_smiles
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There's no pregnancy risk from these situations. Refer back to what Ray mentioned earlier in the thread:

"For future reference, the only way to have a pregnancy risk at all, of any size at all, is to have a bare penis and a bare vulva make contact with each other directly - or have fresh ejaculate come straight out of the penis and land straight on a bare vulva."

"What you've read was exactly right - a hand would have to be dripping and covered with semen to cause a risk - you'd both definitely notice. It doesn't matter if there was any less semen than that on his hands - that's way too little to be risky, anyway. Sperm cells really, really don't survive at all on hands; rubbed off by pants and underwear or not."

Here's another link to help you assess any possible pregnancy risks in the future:
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/28/t/006958.html

--------------------
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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aoh1991
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Thank you. I don't know why I keep freaking about all this. I know that I haven't put myself into any situations that can cause pregnancy, but after the fact, I just begin to think on it and start getting paranoid.

I want to talk to my doctor about going on birth control pills or talk about birth control options. The only problem is that I'm on my parent's insurance. Is there any way that I can make my own appointment without my parent's knowledge? I only work part time right now, so I don't get health insurance or any benefits like that... How much should I expect to pay for a doctor's appointment if I'm not insured? I know there's no way to be sure of the exact amount, but if you had any ideas of what I could expect, I would appreciate it...

I thought of going to a planned parenthood, but I looked it up on their website, and the closest one is within my state, but not close enough to where I would be comfortable enough to travel to it without letting my parents know where I was going.

We have a health department here, but I'm not even sure how to go about going there. I don't know if I'd need an appointment to talk about birth control... or if I just walk-in. Also, I would be nervous that the health care providers there wouldn't be as nice or make me as comfortable as I know my regular doctor would.

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