Hi. I'm new here so if my lingo isn't great, please bear with me.
Me and my gf had sex on the 23rd or 24th of July and she got her period in August and September (she never gets her periods on time so I can't say if they are normal or not). Both of those periods were very heavy and she bled the same way she always did. We had unprotected sex...I was not in her long and I did not ejaculate inside of her but I am aware that the pre-ejaculatory fluid can impregnate a woman. Two days later she took the morning after pill. Just 2 weeks ago or so she took a pregnancy test and it came up negative...I figure that since she would've started producing hCG around the first or second week of august at the latest...there would be far more than enough hCG in her urine to give a definite sign. The test had no faint lines or anything...it was a clear negative.
my question...is there any reason that we should be worried that she's pregnant? She has had no changes in her body...she has been having some nausea and headaches but she has always felt that way and is on some new medication for her migraines and nausea/dizziness is a side effect...the only time she was a bit weird and had tender breasts was around her period (which again is perfectly normal for her). her first period (back in August) was much heavier than usual...we guess it was cause of the pill and her period in september came a little later than expected but she was under A LOT of stress...she keeps telling me that we're in the clear but I still worry sometimes. I dunno if this means anything but her woman's intuition is telling her that she's perfectly normal...not pregnant.
so again...should we be worried that she might be pregnant or not? we are far too young...please help! thanks
You had unprotected sex twice in July, she took emergency contraception, and since then she's had two full periods and a negative pregnancy test, right? If that's the case, you're definitely in the clear, I'd say.
However, you'll both be wanting full STD screens since unprotected sex DOES put you at risk for those.
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oh I know. me and my gf have chosen to abstain for sex (seriously...for physical pleasure...sex was not a good choice). I've also realized that I can't fully handle all the responsibilities of a relationship so I might break up with my gf soon .
thanks for your help...I just need to really accept that everything is ok with us (I'm very stubborn) but thanks...your comment really helped.
FYI, you can't calculate a partner's fdertility for her. Only SHE can chart her cervical mcus and her basal temperature, the things required for estimating fertile and nonfertile times with any degree of accuracy.
At this point, from the incident in July, with two periods, EC and a negative test there is no way she is pregnant from that incident. None.
If both of you have not started yearly STI screens, THAT is something to start doing since you also had those risks but you can let go of worrying about the pregnancy risk now.
oh I definitely understand...she knows her body better than anyone else in the world. Honestly, her telling me that she KNOWS that she's fine is a big sigh of relief for us. I'm just relaying all the things she's told me to this and making some connections. She told me that she's had some egg-whitish discharge and that she always gets this two weeks or so prior to her period..from what I understand this occurs when women ovulate which just adds onto the evidence that she's not pregnant.
I understand about the STI's though neither she nor I have been checked. But we've only had sex with each other, no one else so I know we're both safe from STI's.
thanks a lot for your response though. I'm glad to hear a definite answer from an expert...up till now I've been getting "maybe"'s or "there's a chance"...thank you and take care.
If by "only had sex with each other" you mean never even KISSED anyone else, then yes, your risks from *most* STIs are either vastly reducded or nonexistent.
But if you mean only had intercourse with one another, but some sexual activities with others, those risks are still present. And for some STIs, like herpes, for instance, not having had sexual partners before doesn't make a diff.
(Per ovulation, cervical mucus is only part of the equation. Of course she knows her own body better than anyone else's, but that mucus alone isn't a super-reliable indicator of fertilty, for future reference.)
oh wow. I never knew that STIs could form in virgins or people who haven't had any sexual contact with others. I know she's kissed other guys but I think you're right, we should get checked.
(thanks for the advice on the cervical mucous. She says that now that she thinks about it, she always gets this egg whitish fluid a week or two prior to her period. but thank you again)
my main concern for the last two months has been the pregnancy issue and your comments have really helped me out. Thank you so much. If there are any recommendations you can give...please do. I have a question about anal sex...I know there's a possibility for pregnancy but is there a certain way we can position our bodies so that the fluid cannot enter her vagina? any other precautions before anal sex? thanks again.
You know, a condom is a whole lot easier to use than trying to work advanced geometry, especially in applications where it won't make a whit of difference.
Anal sex, for the record, is one of the highst STI risk activities there ies, and one where again, lack of previous partners only helps to some degree: the rectum is full of bacteria, so when you don't use a condom, you run a pretty high risk of bacterial infections for you both. And when unprotected, pregancy is a risk, funny angles or not. It also demands a good deal of patience over time no matter which gender is receiving, lots of lube, plenty of communication.
Honestly, based on your posts here, the best advice I can give you about anal sex is that if you feel vaginal intercourse is too much for you to handle right now, engaging in an activity with even higher risks would be pretty foolish. You just said you were abstaining from sex, so this seems an odd leap.
Sounds like right now, before either of you can be ready for partnered sex on any level, the very least you need to do is work out how to use both safer sex practices and birth control.
you know, you're absolutely right. If I abstain from vaginal intercourse, I should abstain from all kinds. Thanks for the heads up on the STI risk...again I really had no clue. Thank you again.
Me and my gf had used birth control methods before (always used a condom w/ lube and spermicide and withdrew prior to ejaculation)so we understand that...but abstinance is the only 100 percent effective method of BC. And there are other more sanitary and less worrisome things we can do sexually...I'm definitely going to follow your advice Miz Scarlet.
This may seem like an odd request but now that I finally received some definitive answers that my gf is not pregnant...how do I calm myself down again...I've been stressing out over this for the past few months and I freak out whenever I see the slightest thing that reminds me of pregnancies...what can I do to help me be able to look at a pregnant woman (or even a woman in loose/maternity like clothing..) and not becomes overly nervous and anxious.
quote:abstinance is the only 100 percent effective method of BC
Actually, that's completely untrue. Plenty of studies have been done which show that people who use reliable birth control methods have had far more effective protection against pregnancy and STIs because all too many people who say "abstinence" either do not practice it, or take risks regardless.
If you are having NO genital contact whatsoever with someone, if you really do not WANT your partnership to go past, say, kissing and hand-holding, then sure, abstience is a fine plan. But if those things are not the case, then having condoms, lubircant and another backup method of birth control on hand is FAR more effective. Seems like you've maybe already learned that.
Ah I see what you mean. I mean...there will most likely be a lot of genital contact...but my penis will stay away from everything below her waist and I honestly believe I now have the will power in myself to avoid that region (I'm sure you hear that a lot...but after this scare...I really think I have that strength in myself). I do understand that there is still a chance of spreading STIs that way. I do have condoms and lubricant in my room just in case, but I do not want to get to that point and I honestly think I can avoid it if it came to that. BUt thank you (I know that sounds redundant but you're helping me out better than anyone and not getting upset)
I know that birth control pills are 99 percent effective and those coupled with condoms and withdrawal...it's very effective but I have heard true life stories of the birth control pill and condoms still resulting in pregnancy...call me gullible but I'm gonna believe it.
"And maybe help yourself additionally by acting learning all the facts about this stuff." what do you mean by that? I'm a bit confused. Thanks again though!
People who told you that got pregnant while using condoms AND the pill likely did not use one or both at all or did not use one or both properly, which is pretty darn common.
Really, using them BOTH properly, every time, is just nearly statistically impossible to result in pregnancy. A BIG part of the failure rates for any birth control method people use is because of not using it at all.
Believing falsehoods or myths is a recipe for disaster when it comes to sexuality. Again, seems like a lesson already learned here.
What I mean about taking time to learn about this stuff in the meantime is reading about the REAL facts about STIs, about pregnancy, about safer sex, birth control and readiness. You can start with those links I already gave you. And frankly, I'd suggest you do that -- for your mental health as well as your emotional and physical safety -- before resuming ANY more sexual activity.
And that's not just at you: we suggest that EVERYONE do that first.
Ya I know, alcohol was a big factor in that whole story (it was told to us by our University so I'm sure they tried to make it seem like...no matter how safe you think you are...there's always a chance). Still though, there's a difference between a girl SAYING she's on the pill and one who really is using it properly (though I doubt I'll have sex with people I don't trust enough). I did read that proper use of the BC pill reduces the chance of pregnancy to less than one percent which is good...but for me personally...I'd rather be on the safe side but I will keep all those things around because emotions are something you can't control sometimes and I understand that now.
ya I've been getting most of my information from forums and message boards with women trying to conceive and I've heard stories of a girl going to the doctor thinking she has appendicitis and coming out with a baby.
I think I'm finally starting to calm down and not worry anymore...I think pregnancy tests deserve more credit than they get...but like you said before...people don't use it accuratly which messes up results. Thanks again for all your help, you've been the single greatest person helping me with this (aside from my gf) so thanks again.
That depends somewhat on what you're defining as "birth control." If you are talking about something which prevents a pregnancy, well then yes, that's something a MAP does. However, if you're talking about something that one would routinely use to prevent pregnancy, then no...the MAP definately should not be used as a form of birth control. Taking emergency contraception is very hard on a woman's body (ask anyone who's had the dubious pleasure of using one), and it's really not that pleasant of an experience (and additionally, since the MAP is basically a massive dose of hormones, it's not probably not a good idea to do that to your body all the time anyway). So the serial use of the MAP is not something that anyone (that's health care professionals included) encourages. If you're looking for a method of birth control, there are much better options avaliable that are safer and easier on the body.
quote:Originally posted by Richter915: ...there will most likely be a lot of genital contact
quote:...I do have condoms and lubricant in my room just in case, but I do not want to get to that point and I honestly think I can avoid it if it came to that.
From the above statements, it sounds like you are only planning on using condoms for penis-in-vagina intercourse (if you have PIV at all).
To avoid STI risks it is essential to use condoms or dental dams (when a woman is the recipient) for oral sex and condoms for anal sex as well. It is also recommended that you use latex gloves for manual sex. Basically, any time you come into contact with another person's genitals or anus, you use a latex barrier.
What I meant was that I'm not planning on penis-in-vagina intercourse AT ALL. We will make sure to use to other barriers though for any other activity. Can you please give us advice as to how to approach anal sex and what the risks are for pregnancy and STIs?
Also, my girlfriend's periods are very very irregular and she got her last one on September 8th...it's been almost a month (30 days on thurs 10/07)...I'm just starting to get really nervous thinking that she's pregnant...The only thing that really calms my mind is that she got a negative on her HPT 1.5 months after we had sex...so it would be positive by then...but ya...she argues that she's under a lot of stress (SATs this saturday) and that's why she hasn't gotten it...should I be worried...any advice/comments to help calm my mind? thanks.
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