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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » Choosing Adoption

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Author Topic: Choosing Adoption
Gumdrop Girl
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I was having a conversation with my friend who works at Planned Parenthood; we were discussing adoption and how the process is too cumbersome to make it a real option for a lot of women. Surprisingly, running a full search didn't turn up any really relevant discussions. I don't know much about adoption law, so I'm not sure what it entails.

Is it better to make laws restrictive to ensure that children are only placed in the most nurturing environments? Or is there any way to ease the adoption process without compromising the children's safety? What are your thoughts? Do you think enough has been done to advocate adoption as a choice (being pro-choice isn't just being pro-abortion rights, there are other options, too!) for women? If not, how do you think adoption should be promoted (ad campaigns? high-profile celeb adoptions?)?

Anybody have any experiences with giving up a baby for adoption? How long did it take? How were the legal proceedings?

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Correlation does not equal causation.


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sugarfairy1313
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I once had to give up my child for adoption its a horrible thing but as long as you know its for the best and youre positive your doing the right thing, and its the best thing for you and especially for the baby, its okay. otherwise, If decide not to there's so many people and places out there you could turn to that could help take care of your baby. No matter what happens, i hope you stay happy and I wish you the best of luck!
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Gumdrop Girl
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hey sugarfairy, thanks for sharing. Now a lot of our users (including me) are unfamiliar with adoption procedure. What did you have to go through? Did you need a lawyer? Was it difficult, or did someone (parents, state agencies, hospitals, school, social worker) help your through the process?

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According to the experts, I am some species of badass.


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Girl, Interrupted
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This might help a bit...

My best friend gave her son up for adoption in early December of 2001. She contacted children's aid while she was still pregnant, and a social worker set her and her boyfriend up with some profiles of possible families to choose from. When they found a family they were interested in, the social worker set up a meeting at the children's aid society so she could meet the family. She met the family that has her son, twice before she gave birth.

After her son was born, she brought him home for twelve days. She met the family twice more after her son was born, and they got to meet her son as well. Everything was always done at the Children's Aid and through a social worker so that there weren't any ways that the two families could identify each other (homes, last names etc.)

On the third visit the adoptive family took her son home. She had to sign papers at a lawyers office later that week. She had so many days (it might have been one month, but I'm not sure) to change her mind.

The adoptive family writes letters to my friend outlining how her son is doing, what he likes and dislikes, how much he's grown etc. They also include pictures. These letters come four times a year (every season). They go through Children's Aid first, where they are censored and retyped to take out any personal or identifying information. Then they are delivered to my friend through the social worker.

There can be no personal contact made between the two families until my friend's son is 18 years old.

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lexis_brocks_lil_gurl
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hey, i have never givin up a child for adoption however i know what it is like, i am adopted. I think that is very hard for the child going thru life not knowing your real parents, can i make the suggestion that you ask for an open adoption? it means that you are aloud to have pictures and send cards to your child on there birthday and see them as they progess you can also send them pictures of you. the contact can be , limited to just a picture of you to them. but in the end i think the baby will appreciate it.
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KandyKorn17
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Simplify the process. "I'm leaving my baby here, give it to the first people who want it" "Here you go Mr and Mrs Johnson..."

Hey they dont screen the natural mothers after they give birth.


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KittenGoddess
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quote:
Originally posted by KandyKorn17:
Simplify the process. "I'm leaving my baby here, give it to the first people who want it" "Here you go Mr and Mrs Johnson..."

Hey they dont screen the natural mothers after they give birth.


Honestly, the potential legal, ethical, and moral issues surrounding a system that worked like that would make it an absolute nightmare and a crisis waiting to happen. The legal ramifactions alone could be huge.

Beyond that, I highly doubt that just giving away babies to the first person who walks through the door would cause more women to consider adoption as an alternative. In my experience, most people who give a baby up have a strong desire to ensure that the child is going to a good, safe place, where they will have all they need and be treated with kindness and love. If we cut out all of the screening process, there would be no way to know whether the child was going into a good situation or into a bad one.

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KittenGoddess
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Gumdrop Girl
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If you read the NYTimes http://www.nytimes.com you'll find that ths week was FULL of stories about child abuse. In one case, a Newark, NJ child died after being placed in his aunt's care. Imagine how much worse it could be if children were just handed over to whomever.

As for "Hey they dont screen the natural mothers after they give birth." no, they don't screen, but if the parents get reported to the right authorities, the child will be taken out of their custody. Sure, the system isn't great, but it's better than just giving them away to the first person who comes along.

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According to the experts, I am some species of badass.


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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