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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » ex best friend pregnant

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Author Topic: ex best friend pregnant
Member # 5505

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i found out about a week ago my ex best friend(16) was pregnant. 3 months and still TRYING to have an abortion..i havent been able to sleep for nights knowing all this shit is happening to her as it runs in her family. her boyfriend of a year treats her like s*it and cheats on her with anyone he can find but everytime we tell her, she doesnt beleive us and says were jealous. he is the reason were not best friends or really friends for that matter anymore. she was my best friend and i love her to death but im scared as hell to call her. she wont leave him. shes 16 and he basically controls her now, she is a totaly different person and i HATE IT. im just so confused and worried. any thoughts?

Posts: 36 | From: Houston, TX USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 1207

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Yikes. Sounds like a tough situation for both of you.

I'm not sure what you mean when you say it runs in her family tho ... As long as one of her family members wasn't MAKING her have sex w/ this guy (unprotected, or maybe birth control failure, whichever), this was HER choice. Whether her mother and all her sisters did it too, this was her choice, and one she needs to be responsible for.

It's really hard letting go ... But i think, for your own sanity, you need to do that right now. If you think you've tried all you can, and it sounds like you have, you have to try something new; Let it go.

The fact that it's keeping you up at nights and bothering you this much makes me think maybe you need to talk to someone else about it. Are you still in school? Are there guidance counselors orsomeone you can talk to?

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 17296

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She really needs to dump this guy. He sounds like an a$$hole. This could turn into an abusive situation. She needs to get out of there!
Posts: 64 | From: Ohio | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Thing is, if she's over three months pregnant, at this point she isn't likely to be able to obtain an abortion.

So, it sounds like it's time for her to consider her other options now.

Per you, though, might be helpful to have a mediator, because it sounds like she's tuned you out at this point. It may well be that someone at a local clinic who can talk with her about parenting or adoption could fitr the bill for that.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 18455

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Could...erm...Ms. hehe mean that codependent relationships/guilt based relationships run in her friend's family? Those are often passed down from generation to generation.
Posts: 38 | From: Grass Valley | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5505

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thank you all for your support and help! she finally talked to me today randomly. she claims shes not pregnant but i have a gut feeling she was or is. it was a weird conversation like she was tryin to hide it. what i meant by "it runs in her family" is just that every girl(in her family) has gotten pregnant when they were 16.

thankfully, her boyfriend is moving to the philippines(sp?)(bc of his parents and the military)it is a relief and something lifted off my chest so to going away for a while since theres been too much drama. wish me luck on finding whatever it is im lookin for~xxxooo

Posts: 36 | From: Houston, TX USA | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 18520

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Glad to hear that it looks like the clouds are parting for you, both of you... I'd give you a humungous hug for being such a concerned friend and trying to be there for her as much as possible.. I can say I wish my bestfriend had been that concerned when I became pregnant. Don't let anything scare you off (boyfriends can be temparary, girlfriends are real support); as long as she still needs your suport, and you're giving it, she'll appreciate it.
Posts: 95 | From: Florida | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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