Donate Now
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Intrusive thoughts..in need of a little support :( (Page 5)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 12 pages: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  10  11  12   
Author Topic: Intrusive thoughts..in need of a little support :(
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hmmm. [Frown] I haven't thought of that.

I suppose that maybe I'll talk to my therapist about it. But you know, last time I brought it up she insisted that she doesn't need/want counselling......

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So, maybe your therapist is the better person to talk to her about this, including explaining how if she's without support, that's just one more stress on you, not just stress on her.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Mmm-hmm. Okay, then. I'll do that. [Smile]

I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow so I'll be able to talk to her about this. I'd also have to tell her about the suicidal thoughts. They are becoming a real problem. [Frown]

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
By all means, I will always, always suggest being as honest with a therapist as possible. They really can't help us much otherwise, and for sure, I think it's important everyone involved in your care understands the space you're in right now.

I'd also suggest seeing if you two can't come up with a better emergency plan when you have those thoughts than those hotlines, okay?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Heather:

I'd also suggest seeing if you two can't come up with a better emergency plan when you have those thoughts than those hotlines, okay?

Mmm...she did say if I'm having serious suicidal thoughts or if I intend on acting out those thoughts that I should call 911 (emergency).

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, I'd agree with that, absolutely.

But it also sounds like you need a better plan for times when you clearly aren't at that point, but feel close, like it sounds like it was the other day. The hotlines you called obviously didn't work for you, so whether it's getting new resources or coming up with new tools to use yourself together, I'd just talk about that.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay, then. I'll talk to her about that. [Smile]

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Oh, by the way: what would constitute as an "emergency" requiring the assistance of an ambulance? Would I have to be actually hurting myself? If so, how serious would the wound be? Would it have to be bleeding profusely? Or would simply the presence of serious suicidal thoughts and the intention of actually carrying them out suffice?

I'm feeling confused as to when I should call 911 as opposed to other times.....

[ 05-14-2012, 07:39 PM: Message edited by: SansNom ]

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'd say that if you are feeling at all serious about killing yourself, then it's more than appropriate to call 911.

In terms of self-harm, I don't know what you do or how you do it, but if we're talking about cutting with anything that isn't sterile or cuts deep enough you are having more than a little bleeding, time to call.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay. [Smile] Thank you, Heather.

I was pondering on whether or not to call on Saturday night, but was afraid that I'd waste their time as my case is not that serious.

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Do you think that I'd be a waste of time?

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jill2000Plus
Activist
Member # 41657

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jill2000Plus     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I would say that with things the way they are right now, it's probably best to err on the side of calling too much rather than too little, though I don't want to assume that you're always feeling at your worst as even when we're really suffering we tend to have some ups and downs, in my experience (though if it feels like it's all bad, please do say so, you don't have to cheer up for anyone just so you won't be "bothering" them, and if you need to vent about how sad/angry you're feeling on this board please go ahead.)

--------------------
Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

Posts: 840 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Do you think that I'd be a waste of time?
There's nothing that is a waste of time when someone's life is at a real risk. That's what 911 is for, after all.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey Sans,

Just checking in with you. Hope your week is going well. [Smile]

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi everyone

Just an update. Sorry I haven't replied for, like, 2 weeks. But on Tuesday night 2 weeks ago, my therapist took me to the emergency in a hospital. I had an appointment with her earlier in the day and told her everything that happened over the weekend. She was extremely concerned for my safety. So.

The resident psychiatrist assessed me and decided, along with the psychiatry team, to involuntarily commit me for 72 hours as an in-patient. The psychiatrist of the in-patient ward assessed me on Thursday and decided that I was here to stay in the hospital until I feel better.

On Saturday night of that week, I had a meltdown. I was determined to escape from the hospital, find my stepfather, and kill him. I was forcibly taken and commited to the Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU). I stayed there until the subsequent Monday, for 3 days in total.

PICU was a hellhole. Not only was there a lady there who screamed at the top of her lungs 24/7, every other patient excepting me were adults. It was extremely uncomfortable for me to hear the men talking about the deprivation of sex.

The nurses got me out of there only because my PTSD was triggered by the lady's constant screaming. They couldn't sedate her because of the critical condition she was in. So, after a lengthy persuasive speech made by my mother, I was out and back into the regular psychiatry in-patient unit.

So that's how it is. I'm here, and I've no idea when I will be discharged. Probably not anytime soon, by the likes of it. I'm not allowed off the ward without someone to accompany me. There is no Internet here. I only managed to persuade the nurse today to allow my mother to bring in my laptop in order to check up on my university email responses.

Thanks all for replying and stuff. I've really missed you guys. The thoughts of mutilation, dismemberment, etc. have not gone away. The psychiatrist put me on anti-psychotics in addition to the anti-depressants I'm taking regularly. I'm getting along really well with the other patients, though.

I really miss Scarleteen. I cannot emphasize that enough. It's so hard for me to not be able to come here everyday and talk to folks I've gotten familiar with. You guys are such a vital support for me. Hopefully soon the nurses will give me more priviledges, and I will be able to go by myself to the hospital library and access the Internet there.

I'd love it if someone could reply. I promise I'll check back as soon as I can.

Love you guys so much and wishing I can still come here whenever I want,


Sans.

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sans,

Thank you so much for updating us.

It sounds like it's been a traumatic two weeks for you, but I'm so glad that you're somewhere safe where you can get the help you need.

Are you getting therapy as well as meds?

Take good care of yourself.

You're a strong, caring person and I know you can get through this.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks a lot, Robin. [Smile] So, so happy to hear from you.

Oh god. I can't believe what happened this morning. One of the girls residing here kind of had a meltdown. She for some reason believed that I, Sans, am hiding her parents in my room. She barged in and rummaged around. She also was speaking incoherently about her belief that she is at home, instead of at the hospital. I had to calm her down and attempt to bring her back to reality because there was no nurse there at the time.

There's nothing wrong with that since everyone here has some sort of difficulty to deal with, but, well, I'm just kind of tense right now. I think I told you that I have an issue with people barging in or making sudden, loud noises, due to my PTSD. Oh well. I'll be okay.

(As I'm typing this, she barged in AGAIN! Telling me that her parents are in my room and asking me when they will visit her. I persuaded her to go and speak to the nurse about her concerns).

I do get to speak to the psychiatrist 2 or 3 times a week, but the last meeting, which had been a family meeting with my mother present, was a complete disaster. I totally lost my cool, started crying uncontrollably, etc. He later apologized for imposing a family meeting on me when I had not been ready. He concluded that I should not recieve trauma therapy for awhile because my brain's overloaded. I asked him what I should do. He told me to relax. (?)

(How can I possibly relax?)

I suppose that he's waiting for me to make the conscientious decision not to hurt or kill myself. I refused to last time. I don't think I can make this decision.

At least I have a great roommate. We decorated our room with lots of paintings. She's considerate of me, and I return the gesture. Other folks here can be less than considerate.

Aw Robin, you have no idea how much I've missed you over these 2 weeks. And how much I longed to get back here. Who knows when I'll be able to come back again? I'm going to make full use of this time right now.

(I'm going slightly insane!)

Sans.

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yes, it's unfortunately a difficult connundrom that the place we can go to keep ourselves safe and get help can also be crazy-making with the things the other patients do, especially when that can trigger stuff for us. I once had a close friend who told me all about what that can be like.

I'm glad to hear though that your roommate is someone you can get along with.

Just keep doing the hard work and asking people there for help when you need it.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I shall I shall I shall.

(Aw man, she popped in AGAIN!!!)

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44338

Icon 1 posted      Profile for moonlight bouncing off water     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey Sans,

I'm glad that you're somewhere that you can get the help you need. I'm glad to hear that your room mate is someone that you get along with, in a sea of unpredictability, it is awesome that you have an ally.

Hang in there, the people at the hospital are there to help you.

--------------------
~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks, Moonlight! [Smile]

Today I managed to come down to the hospital library, accompanied by my mom, and have the Internet to myself for a moment.

Trigger warning!
Update:

Last week I sneaked a metal butter knife from the hospital kitchen and used it to hack at my leg. Both calves have scarred and bruised. Unfortunately the utensil was too blunt to cut. I showed my legs to the nurse on the weekend and surrendered the utensil to her yesterday night, as it occured to me that my roommate, who also self-harms, is endangered because of the presence of something that could be used to cut oneself.

There is no word regarding my discharge at the moment. I guess I'll be here for a while longer.

I think that the anti-psychotic meds have done me good in terms of clearing my head of the constant bombardment of self-harm thoughts. I told my psychiatrist so today.

My mom and I have also had several great conversations over the weekend that demystified her thoughts for me. I'm glad that I can understand her a bit more now. [Smile]

Unfortunately and unintentionally on my part, she caught a glimpse of my legs during her visit yesterday. She became very upset, understandably. But I really did not want her to see the injuries. I think that she would've been better off not seeing them. [Frown]

I'll head off now, because I have a 15 min. limit. [Smile]

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
HI Sans,

I'm sorry to hear that things are still such a struggle for you, but glad to hear that you have a lot of support around you.

Did you talk to the psychiatrist about hurting yourself with the knife?

I imagine it's a relief to have your head feel a little clearer.

Sending loads of support.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Today is my birthday.

Bittersweet feelings.

18 long years of living. 6 years of hell.
Seeminglingly pointless life.

I was yelling at the roof across from my hospital room last night. I was 100% sure that Richard, my ex-stepfather, was standing there even though I didn't see him. I told him to go f*** himself with 4 fingers.

A nurse had to come in and calm me down.

A huge sadness weighs on my spirit. I'd never planned on living this long.

I'd thought that I would've died a long time ago. And along with me, any dreams of a functional, loving family.

Sincerely

Sans

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sans, happy birthday to you, even though you're obviously not feeling so great about it today.

What can we do to help pick your spirits up a little, or help you process the rough stuff in your head and heart right now?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jill2000Plus
Activist
Member # 41657

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jill2000Plus     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Happy birthday Sans, hugs for you if you want them.

--------------------
Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

Posts: 840 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Saffron Raymie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 49582

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Saffron Raymie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Happy Birthday, Sans; I'm so sorry things are still so hard.

--------------------
'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks everyone. I'm feeling a little better today.

Yesterday I had a full-on meltdown that caused me to be taken to the PICU. I was administered with 3 injections that helped calm me down. I'm still feeling the effects.

Anyway, I'm physically intact.
Mentally, not as much.

Thanks for checking in, everyone.

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Happy belated birthday, Sans.

I'm sorry to hear things are so rough for you mentally still. I hope you're getting a chance to talk with people and work through some stuff.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey! Back again. [Smile]
And here to stay for a little longer than I did last time due to the fact that I'm on an overnight pass and can access the Internet for howevermany times I wish.

Yesterday I was thrown into a dissociative state. I started talking to a god, slashing my Bible, and asserting that said god and I are competitors for Richard's love. Afterwards, I banged on my keyboard and sang at the top of my lungs saying how much I love Richard and how much I wish for him to come back.

The nurses were quite upset with me. They think that I was only trying to get attention. But I don't think so. For one, I wasn't in full control of my mental faculties. I acted on an impulse. Secondly, I think that I was subconciously trying to resolve some stuff that has been painful.

I met with my psychiatrist today and she told me not to pay any mind to the nurses' accusation because they do not understand the fundamentals of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I still feel godforsakingly awful. My desire to self-mutilate hasn't changed at all since my admission into hospital. There is no word of my discharge.

If someone here is available to talk to me right now, I'd be exceedingly grateful.

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My mother is really big on religion.
Now, I don't have anything against religion.
So please don't take offense.
But I currently identify as agnostic.

And everytime I tell her of something good that happened to me, she goes, "thank God! Sans, can't you see that He is watching over you?"

No, I cannot see that. And she can't make me see it.

Everytime I tell her of something good that I've accomplished, she says, "Great! See, God hasn't left you. He's helping you in every way."

I do not agree. And I resent the fact that she does not recognize my own efforts so much as attributing them to a God, her God. Not mine. I do not recognize a God. But she does not really respect that, in my opinion.

I'll be perpetually frustrated if this goes on. I've had 2 or 3 conversations with her about this but it's made no real difference.

She has stated that if she had the power to, she'd force me to believe in this religion and this God.

The subject of God, religion and my mother has always been a inward problem that I've kept to myself. But, upon my admission into hospital, it's gotten way more potent. It gnaws at me inside.

That's why I'm letting this out now.

[ 06-15-2012, 05:09 PM: Message edited by: SansNom ]

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
HI Sans,

So you're at home for a night or two?

Yes, I think I can understand where you're coming from with your frustrations with your mother and her religious views. For one thing, they're not your views. For another, you're working really hard on a lot of things right now, and you would like to be honoured and respected for the gains that you've made through this hard work.

I'm sorry to hear that the thoughts of self-mutilation are still so strong. Have you been able to speak with your psychiatrist about this?

I'll be checking in all evening, so if you'd like to talk, I, or someone else, will definitely be here.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Trigger Warning!

I want to die.
So bad.

I don't like being in the hospital due to the fact that I'm not allowed access to objects that can cause significant bodily harm.

Due to my pass, I'm home now.

I really want to die.

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'd love to talk to you, Robin, as always. [Smile]

Yup, I'll be home tonight and maybe I'll be home during the day on Sunday. They've given me two passes, which I have the option of using, or not.

These passes are experimental in nature, which means that the psychiatrist is assessing how I will be coping in the home environment. An increase in the number of passes would mean the the day of discharge is getting closer, theoretically.

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
Peer Ambassador
Member # 91788

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sans     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My psychiatrist knows all about my thoughts of self-mutilation. But he is not addressing it because he thinks that it would be more constructive to make summer and university plans for the fall; in other words, to look forwards rather than backwards.

In his high and esteemed opinion, the reason why I am in the hospital is because I talked a lot about the trauma when I wasn't ready to, and as a result got re-traumatised.

So he's not talking to me about the trauma.

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Redskies
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 79774

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Redskies     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sans, I think I'm not in a place to have a real coherent conversation with anybody at the moment, but wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you, wishing you well, and that I was looking over a couple of older threads for something earlier, came across a few of your contributions, and I at least am perfectly convinced that you are a totally lovely person [Smile]

--------------------
The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

Posts: 1786 | From: Europe | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  This topic comprises 12 pages: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  10  11  12   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3