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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » What do YOU take from not-so-positive sex-related experiences?

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Author Topic: What do YOU take from not-so-positive sex-related experiences?
Alice
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 28346

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Sometimes we have sexual experiences which aren't as awesome or enjoyable as they should be - all of the way from moderately awkward to very horrible and intensely negative. It can be really easy to dwell of what was bad about the experience, and not think about anything else.

So my question for you is: what have you LEARNED, or GAINED, or NOTICED (etc) from your sexual experiences which were less than positive?

It's important to learn from mistakes, or from bad experiences, in order for us to grow and not repeat history. How do you do this in your own life? You might have to sit and think about that one for a minute. Or, perhaps, how would you like to begin learning from these less than stellar experiences?

It isn't easy to identify patterns and to not repeat history, sometimes. Entire nations have great difficulty with this. But, if you stay aware of what positive components you can take from a situation, and ways you can learn and grow from them, you're way ahead of the game. :-)

[ 09-02-2011, 06:40 PM: Message edited by: Alice ]

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

Posts: 1180 | From: WA | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alice
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 28346

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For example,

I have a history of not being really great at setting boundaries and limits with sexual partners. This is something I've worked on and gotten WAY better at in the past couple of years, but it still remains a struggle for me sometimes.

After a recent situation which left me feeling uncomfortable and sorta icky, I'm gathering that:

1. Setting limits and boundaries and sticking to them, PERIOD = a more enjoyable experience.

2. But letting boundaries go or failing to enforce them (and/or being with people who push them) = not enjoyable sexual experience which leaves me feeling bad about myself.

I'm going to keep the "lesson" portion of this in my mind, rather than dwelling on what happened and how I feel about it. So next time, I'm going to conciously remind myself of those two things.

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

Posts: 1180 | From: WA | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eryn_smiles
Peer Ambassador
Member # 35643

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From my limited experience, I've learnt to talk more! Before, during and after. Expecting a new partner to read your mind is never wise. And there's alot of pleasure to be gained by asking what someone likes.

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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