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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » The Venting Room: Tell Adults to Stuff It (Page 3)

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Author Topic: The Venting Room: Tell Adults to Stuff It
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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(Tyler: this thread is expressly for venting, rather than for engaging in conversation and giving advice. If you want some help with this, can you jump over to one of your other threads, and we can do our best? Mind, if you are saying your parents have abandoned you and your siblings -- like, they left you food and a house but LEFT -- that's a call to make to your social worker ASAP, okay? But we can talk more about that if you like in another thread.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Also, the place that adiemus linked this thread to up there?

That's the forums for the National Youth Rights Association, a FANTASTIC group I think an awful lot of you might like a whole lot in you're not already familiar with it. It's also a good place if you want another forum besides this one to hang out at, particularly for discussions about things like adultism, youth activism and your civil rights (and lack thereof).

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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confusionandlove
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hey mum...just to say
actually i like who i am. i like the way i dress. i like that dad is proud of me for being me, not for doing well in school. i like my room messy and my sheets old because the room looks lived in. i like folding the corners of pages because i like books looking read. i like my opinions the way they are. i dont want to 'see when im older'. i want to be able to tell you im religous and not have you say no, like its your desicion. i like that im not close to you, because i dont like you anymore, and sometimes, i secretly wish that you and dad would brake up so i could live with him. he might be stupid, but at least hes never dull.
p.s david bowie can be a role model if i want him to be, and the reason i feel weird around you? i heard you and dad, and i blame you for making me feel disturbed by it.

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I don't know where i'm going from here, but i promise it won't be boring-david bowie

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Controversy
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Mom,

Just getting tired of how you constantly scream at me and the whole family. I hate how if i don't clean "your" house the exact way you prefer, that you call me every name in the book, and threaten me with being grounded if i don't do everything perfectly. I'm doing great in school right now, yet the other day you called me a loser, you blame me for things you do and im just done fighting back. I know kids are supposed to love their parents, but im on the edge of no longer careing about you.. sorry.

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adiemus
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Member # 50403

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You want to say I don't understand the concept of parental authority? Damn right I don't understand.

I don't understand how you can do stuff because you love me and then not be bothered to care about what makes me happy. I don't understand how you can say "that's just the way it is" when I say you can change it for me. You can change my home environment. Because you know what? Of course I'm not happy. I'm not allowed to do the things that make me happy.

Punk rock makes me happy.

Fanfiction makes me happy.

Emo music makes me happy.

Fighting for the recognition of youth as equals makes me happy.

But these things aren't supposed to make me happy. I'm not supposed to read stuff on the Internet that you don't understand or approve of. When I say the only thing that I can't tolerate is intolerance, when I say you're reminding me of the bigots who cry out "oh, you're infringing upon my right to be prejudiced and take away the freedoms of others!" and you say, "oh, I don't like that either," you're right - I don't understand how you can say that and then, when I say "well then don't be so hypocritical," you can say "well, it's just the way I am." I don't understand how you can claim to acknowledge something as wrong and still accept it when you can change it. The way you treat me in this house is under your control. You can be more open-minded. You can be more tolerant. You can listen to me when I want to share what makes me happy. You can make it so I don't have to hide who I am.

Because you're right, who I am is under my control. I can be myself. I just can't show it as long as I live in your house. I can't translate who I am to what I do. I can't do what makes me happy.

[ 12-13-2010, 09:12 PM: Message edited by: adiemus ]

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the sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead

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Kawani3792
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I wish I could show you who I am. I wish I could take off the mask that I put on as soon as you enter the room, and actually talk to you.

I wish I could show you these posts where I debate and explain and people respect me. I wish I could show you that even without knowing me, and even when most of the time all that these people know of me is my faults, that they still respect me, and some of them even care a bit, I think. I wish I could show you all my posts on that other forum, where I told complete strangers the things I can't tell you-that the test was right and I'm depressed, that I know about dad looking at/chatting with women online, that this whole life is tearing me apart-and they don't judge me. They give me hugs, and tell me things will be alright even when they have no idea. They comfort me when you can't, because you can't deal with me growing up.

I wish you would take me seriously. When I say that I want to go to a gynecologist, don't dismiss it offhandedly. Listen to me. I do have reasons, and they're valid. When I say something about wanting a cup, rather than tampons, and I use the fact that they'd cost a lot less as a backup argument, don't decide that that's my entire reasoning, or that I haven't done my research, because I have. You haven't, but I have. I wouldn't be saying these things if I hadn't.

I wish that in your mind, age didn't equal respect. I still don't see how I have to respect foolish adults, simply because they haven't stepped off a curb in front of a bus yet. I think that all people have to earn respect, which is why my twenty-year-old lesbian best friend has my respect, but my father doesn't.

It hurts that you demean everything I do, because in your mind I'm still your daughter, and that's all I'll ever be. I'm "an adult" when you want me to do something. When my brother is being a jerk, then I'm an adult, and should act like one. When I tell you that I'm hungry, then I'm an adult, and can surely figure out how to make food. But when I want to help figure out finances, then I'm a kid again. When I want to make decisions about myself, whoops, I just poofed back into a child who is obviously too young to understand what she's saying. That's how you act, you know. Like I'm a precocious ten year old, who learned some big words in school today. Like a kid who comes home and says "I'm going to be the next president!!" and everyone nods and smiles knowingly and says "Of course you will sweetheart. Here, have a cookie."

And, honestly, do you have to make stupid sex jokes? You are forty three years old. So is your husband. You constantly lament, in my hearing, that your husband doesn't want you anymore. So him pawing at "the rufflies on your new shirt, which happen to be right above your chest" really just strikes me around...9th grade maturity level. If that. It's pretty stupid, and annoying, and fairly demeaning, thank you. If you want me gone, just say so. I've been telling my friends for years that I talk too much, so tell me to shut up if I annoy you. Just tell me to get out of your room! It's dumb to goof around like that when there isn't anything going on, and it's an insult to what intelligence I have.

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LishyElizabeth
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Member # 47452

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To all the adults out there who I see every week and just notice me as the nice, polite girl with blue hair and who *gasp* has a serious boyfriend at *15*~ Open your F***ing eyes. The world is a h*ll of a lot larger than your church, and God, if He does exist (and if He does, then when He goes and sends me to Hell, I have a few things to talk to Him about) is an egotistical, sexist...I can't even finish that sentence. I've tried to think of Him as a caring God, but I can't wrap my head around it. If He does exist, why would he let the world be so horrible? Why would he let people die painful deaths, AIDs exist, people get abused and raped and harrassed, and allow for all the suffering that takes place daily happen? Why?

To my mom~ I love you, and I thank you. You've been incredibly supportive of me these last few weeks and I'm grateful. But why must you constantly say, "You need to lose weight" "Don't do this, or say that or act like this, or Nat won't *like* you any more" Um, excuse me, but that's who I am, and if he doesnt still at least try to love me when I'm slightly *itchy and tired and cramping and in a horrible mood, then obviously I wouldn't still be dating him. And *like*???? are you *ffing kidding me? We've been together for nearly 8 months. If I wasn't sure that I loved him, I wouldn't still be with him. I would never do that to him, string him on like that.

To my dad~ Screw you. You've missed most of my life (to some extent, that's the Navy's fault. But I forgive you for that. It's everythign else I'm ticked about.) You missed my show choir show so that you could *weld EXHAUST PIPES* How do you think that meakes me feel? It makes me feel like I'm worthless and that you don;t care about me. I've always been Daddy's Little Girl. Why does that have to change now? Yeah, I get that you're homophobic, hypocritical, and a country hick, but c'mon. Yeah, LGBTQ people exist. I've questioned my sexuality (not that you'll ever know) but I wonder sometimes what you would think if I told you i was questioning at one time? Would you shun me? Disown me? Flip out and yell at me? Tell me it's just a faze and that I'll get over it? Shove it, cuz I don't really care.

And, yeah, I'm on birth control and I own condoms and lube. You don't know that, and hopefully you wont until I'm 18 and you can't do anything about it. Only two more years, right? Mom said you'd flip out and say "Sex is bad" "Don't have sex" Whatever. You had sex with my mom, the woman you married, when you were 18 and she was 15. You'd been dating for 2 years at that point. So get the f*** over it and grow up. You still act like your 13, and it's annoying. I want a supportive father, not the idiot who just sees what he wants to see.

To my grandma~ Shove it. I don't want to hear your narrow-minded view or listen as you call black people "negroes" just cuz you grew up in Montana doesnt mean you can be racist. And the homophobia? Please. They exist. Get over it. And yeah, Grandma, I have blue in my hair. I wash my hair everyday. I'm short and I like black. I read books you would see as innapropriate and I know more about a lot of stuff than you ever will.

To all the people who try to convert me to Christianity~ I dont give a ****. I don;t believe in God, and I probably never will. I'm perfectly happy being an aetheist/person who belives in Fate. When/if I find a religion I like, you won't stop preaching. You'll work even harder to convert me. And it p***es me off. If I wanted to believe in Him, I would. Simple as that.

To the Irwins. I really don't like either of you. I never have. Mr. Irwin, you're loud, obnoxious, annoying, narrowminded, sexist, homophobic, hypocritcal. Mrs. Irwin, you're a bible-thumping female version of your husband, and a disgrace to feminists everywhere. I can't stand either of you, and I really hate going over to your house for the holidays. P.S., Mrs. Irwin, you're cooking sucks.

*****

I officially love this forum page [Big Grin] I feel much better now ^.^

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I think all of you are amazing, strong and fierce.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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peterg
Activist
Member # 46581

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I write poetry to express the way I'm feeling, here are several poems that I worte describing my moods, I probably have more, but here's some.

Tomorrow's Thoughts

By: Tyler

I wake, wondering if yesterday's
thoughts are real or fake.

Will my lonely soul find a mate
or parish from hate.

Will I have what it takes
to rise above and be great.

Will my thoughts know what tomorrow holds,
no for I only know what today holds.


Truth

By: Tyler

Must I tell you the truth,
of a past so dark and loose.

Will I break down and cry
as if I am about to die.

Will I be strong
and bear it all.

Will my heart just want
to tell it all.

I will tell you the truth,
and although it is long,
with it we must be strong.


Speak

By: Tyler

Can you ever change the past,
without going back.

Does it stay a part of you
or does it slowly far from you.

Will it show it not show if you don't talk
or will your emotions bear what your voice may not.

Will I isolate myself today in hopes that it may go away
or will I speak tomorrow about these horrible, horrible sorrows.


Spoken

By: Tyler

I told you the truth and that was all
I hope that we won't fall.

Should we fall, I won't trust
this heart so full of lust.

I'm sure we'll be strong
and make it though it is long.

I hope we'll last
and forget our past

Lets focus on the future now
and see where we'll get and how.


Pushover

By: Tyler

People take your things to tease, torment,
and cause you pain.

They say hurtful things, you want
to speak up and deny their claims,
but what's the point with no one to blame.

At points you want to runaway,
forget this past from which you came.

Everyone's a giant and you feel so small,
in a world where you don't belong.

Everyone expects highly of you,
but that's the guidelines they chose to set,
not what you think is best.

You want to speak up and yell 'No!'
but that would only bring a fight to swell.

When you fight you get hit and yelled at,
your mind's telling you "Don't fight back."

You want to call DCFS and report abuse,
but something's telling you not,
even though in your heart you know you must.


This is my midterm I had to write for english in november.

Tyler
Midterm
American Lit

I saw someone getting discriminated against because of the books he reads, the friends he has, his religious beliefs, and because he writes poetry. His discrimination usually happens on a daily basis, and, typically, for no reason at all. People call him, “gay”, and/or “stupid”, and for what reason? He is not any of those, yet people think he is because of the things he does.
He has told a select few friends about his dilemmas, and they help him a lot through it all, and he couldn’t be happier to have his friends with him, to help support him, when he truly needs someone to be there for him and he’s really thankful to have his friends. He is discriminated against because of his friends, most of them being girls; they call him “gay” because he has only a few guy friends.
During the past couple of months, he’s read books on Buddhism, and has adopted Buddhist practices. At home, his parents make him go to church, and think he’s weird for converting to Buddhism, when living in a Christian home. And although it’s guaranteed by the Constitution “Freedom of religion”, apparently his parents can make him go to church because the government can’t interfere with families.
He’s currently reading the book Tricks by Ellen Hopkins. And his family calls them “girl books” and him “gay” for reading them, but because the main characters are girls, but in -Tricks, and ¬Impulse, by the same author, these books contain main characters that are both female and male, while her other books, have some secondary characters that are also male. I don’t see why they would do this to him, but I think it’s wrong, because books have never been “gender specific” and guys can read books written by girls that feature girl characters just like girls can read books written by guys that feature guy characters. I see no difference, between the two, and the discrimination he receives due to the books he reads is wrong, and unneeded.
The guy is also discriminated against because he enjoys writing poetry. His parents think that writing poetry is a “feminine” thing to do, when really it’s not, because throughout history, we’ve had many great male poets, such as Shakespeare, and Hughes, among others. He writes about love, feelings, and personal experiences within his poems, and also writes some for his friends. He also tries to write about all the people in his poems and about the common experiences for teenagers. He goes day by day wearing different masks to hide his emotions, emotions he rarely shows to the public, but it’s hard to mask them all the time. In the Scarlet Letter Hawthorne expresses this quite well, “No man can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting puzzled as to which is the true one.” (Hawthorne, 187).
Lastly, I’d personally like to thank him, because recently, he has turned to someone, and has meetings with the social worker. After a couple of years of putting up with this, he’s finally doing something about it, things have been getting better for him, however, there is still some discriminating going on, but is, in some cases, of lesser degrees. And I’m glad that he’s starting to seek out help, and I can only hope that this will finally be put to an end.
I hope that things will continue to get better and that he knows that I’ll always be here for him, as a friend, because... this is me, and my story.
**Side note: Dear, Mrs. Teacher: I kindly ask that you please not report this, I know that as a teacher, if you happen to come across something along these lines, that you should report it. But I kindly ask that you don’t report it, because I have already done so, and I am, as mentioned above, dealing with this by talking with the social worker. I’d really appreciate it if you’d keep this between us. I choose to write about this because it has been on my mind lately, and it has to do a lot about the topics from which we had to choose from, such as numbers, 1, 5 and 10. I really just needed to tell someone, someone I could trust. And I tend to write about my feelings with in my poetry as well. If you want to talk to me about this, after class or some time, you may. I’d really appreciate it if you could just keep this between us. Thanks Mrs. Teacher**

I have leterally had it with my family, my parents took my Ipod away this morning because I didn't wake up at 5 am for wrestling practice at 6 am. And I don't even want to wrestle this year, I'm only doing to because I got forced into doing it by my parents,and to make my parents and coach happy. also I didn't sleep good last night, and I haven't slept good for the past couple of weeks and idk why?! I think I might have depression cause I've been really sad lately, and I've been having thoughts about suicide, and honestly idk what to do. :/ and my friend has a pregnancy scare so I'm helping her with this, and idk it's all becoming really stressful and idk what to do.

Well I have my road test to get my lisence tomorrow, finally, but now I'm thinking about suicide, by like driving the car into oncoming traffic or a tree or something, but still it's all hazy, and idk if it's me doing it or someone else. and if I do get my lisence, I'm going to take my friend to walmart to buy a pregnancy tests to get her tested to see if she's pregnant or not. we both hope that she's not. but I'll be there to support her.

But I can't wait til I'm 18 cause then I can do as I please without my parents permission.

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mizchastain
Activist
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To some people I've argued with recently:

It's possible for me to understand your point perfectly and still just NOT AGREE.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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peterg: I hate to bust into this thread this way, but we need to take users talking about suicide very seriously.

Please get in touch with your social worker if you are having suicidal thoughts or, call 911 or the national suicide hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE.

Please.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Kawani3792
Activist
Member # 48854

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Dear teacher,
you were really a pretty good teacher. I didn't like your class during seventh grade, but that was because it was history, and I never liked history very much. You taught fairly well, we did journaling at the beginning of every class, and I loved that. You could have been one of my favorite teachers. But you ruined it when you became angry at me when I corrected your spelling or when you said on the board that it was Tuesday when it was actually Wednesday. I remember you told my mom that you knew you had bad spelling, but that it "undermined your authority" when a student corrected you. I do understand your point of view. But I ended up going home at the end of the day feeling like the mud under someone's shoe because one of the teachers I actually liked criticized me for what I saw at that time, and still see, as being smart, as having an aptitude for spelling. Nobody minded my spelling when I won the county spelling bee for the third time in a row, and got eighth place in the state bee. For that matter, none of the other teachers minded. There wasn't total anarchy in math class because the teacher spelled "geometry" wrong and I pointed it out. For that matter, she thanked me. You lost more of your authority by showing that you were that sensitive to the point of muttering at me while angrily fixing the words, than was lost when I said that you messed something up. Besides, every kid in that class knew I was the weird spelling bee girl. The gosh-darn *English teacher* sent other kids to me when they needed to spell something that she didn't know. I was the school spelling person. And just because I was a student, your 'authority' suffered much more than it would have if an adult came in...like one of your colleagues did, and corrected you. There was no anger or muttering then, I noticed. Trust me. I noticed everything.

Dear teacher's husband,
This is pretty petty, but you remember when you substituted for my 15-minute study hall? And I went on that site that's fully moderated, incredibly safe, was created for and by bored college students, but has morphed into a children's site, and ***ISN'T BLOCKED BY THE SCHOOL***? Yeah, you see, it's kinda rude of you to tell me to get off that site, and then when I say that the school doesn't have a problem with it, since it isn't blocked, you say that "you teenagers have ways of getting around those blocks". Uh, what? I really, really detest being lumped in with other teenagers as if we are all the same, especially the teenagers in that particular school. (some of whom were the girls who told you what site I was on in the first place. I am nothing like them) and more annoyingly, those girls were the ones on MySpace. And I know that was supposed to be blocked.

Dear amazing teacher,
Thank you so, so, so much for everything you did for me. Thank you for being amazing and kind and supportive. Thank you for congratulating me and cheering when I won the spelling bee that first year (the year I was in your class) and thank you for taking me out on a teacher's salary to get a new outfit for the state bee, the first two times that I won. The third year, you were at a different school, as a principal, a position you completely deserve, but you went to the big city to watch me compete, and you literally shrieked with joy when I called you later and told you I had gotten eighth place. I had to hold the phone at arm's length, but I didn't care. Thank you for being one of the most wonderful teachers I have ever had. And thank you for talking to those high school teachers when I was in sixth grade, and getting them to let me borrow books from their personal bookcases when I had read every interesting book in the school library, even the high school only stories. You made my sixth grade year one of the best years of my schooling, and I am so grateful for your support during a time when I felt like I didn't have any friends.

Dear mom,
I didn't say anything last night, even though I wanted to. It was right when you told your son that he could yell, but to give you a chance to refute his arguments. I didn't say that I was thinking "like parents, like son". I didn't say that I've told you and my father that dozens of times. I didn't say that it isn't quite fair that you feel you have the right to refute your 16 year old son's arguments, but that your 18 year old daughter must simply take what is yelled at her and then stay around and be cheery, because she'll get yelled at more if she goes to her room or cries, because she never spends time with you anymore, and she's antisocial, and what's wrong with her. I bit my tongue like I usually do, and then I scream into the blank pages of a notebook that you'll never read, because you don't want to see how I feel.

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breath
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 50014

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To Dear Mr. Person Who Said that He Will Help me With my Career, Provide a Great Internship:

I don't know why you acted in such an unprofessional, unfair way towards me. I was told by others that you were a great mentor, very helpful and very decided to helping young people enter this field. I don't know what happened, becuase you did not quiet treat me like that. I was told that you treat every other volunteer really well and they learn great things and have great appreciation for medicine, so I wonder what was it about me that you didn't do that as much or, rather you did other unprofessional things too?

Did you make the decision to treat me this way because of your own internal desires to do something to a young college female, or you just made the decision when you saw me?

Why ? I maybe a little short, skinny and colored, but the truth is that I am just as smart, competent as the other young people in the clinic (if not a bit more, I am an engineer you know). You have us in the clinic to work as office assistants, so u do not have to do the lay man's work: fetching patients, running paper work and errands and things like that. I understand that. That's fine.

But then, you know you had zero reason totalk to me about your sexual business, your sexual encounters and things like that. It was not Ok. You had 0 right to take me to coffee (not as a friendly mentor thing as I thought and imagined) but rather to check me out further and expose me to things like 'I have had sex so many times' etc and see if I would tag along. I think by doing this, you disrespect me, my autonomy to chose what and how I wanted to do things. More over, you simply abused your privledge as a authority/mentor figure.


You may be in your early 30s and everything, you are still someone who does not respect others. Your looks, height, higher and elite education, ability to secure highly covereted spots that are only avaliable to a few do not make it OK or do not make up your disrespect, deception of me.

I wanted the experience and learn and advance my career--but i don't want to ever be so close to you in that manner again, because you demonstrated from day zero that you could not respect ME. You may have respected or tolerated other young people (for whatever reasons) but somehow, those things didn't apply to me. I don't like that all.


I feel sad and unhappy that I LOST this opportunity but the truth is that I am happy that you did not and would never contact me again to join or work or assist in your clinic. In reality, if you had contacted me again, I would have continued to work in your office, thinking that I was getting some “great experience” but in reality, it is highly possible that you would have to continued this unprofessional behaviour to more heights; maybe using more sexual innendo, more physical and verbal explicit things. Very consciously, you would not have even looked at me and whether I was Ok with this.


I wanted to work there and etc but now i realize that there is no 'program' but rather private independent assistanceship with you. You are OK to pick and chose the people you want to work in your office, but it is not OK for you to lead them on about work opportunities, interview them and then also exploit them in ways for your own personal gain or not.
I felt that you put me in a place where I was going to lose no matter what. If I didn’t go along with your suggestions/innuendoes Day 1 , you crossed me out from your office.If I did go along, you would have tested the boundaires more and even I (for example did physical stuff with you), you may have still crossed me out from the program
If you wanted to keep me in the program, u would have done that to further abuse or be unpleasant towards me.


I'm glad that I reported to HR and discussed it because I know that likely it would have gotten worst over time over weeks and months. While I'm sad that I "lost" the opportunity to be your office / clinic assistant, I'm not really sad at all.
actually.

I am told that the HR person, maybe your boss was present when they had the meeting with you. How was like for you to hear that? I don’t know if they ever mentioned my name or any of the details. How did you feel when you heard it? Surprised, shocked, unclear or cystal clear? How you feel knowing that you can’t walk over someone else (even who seems small and weaker and not in a good position) like that?

I am extremely outranged and angry at your behavior. It is fine if you use your own criteria to find out who you want in your office/clinic but giving someone a interview, training where you cross boundaries and then do such things. Let me tell you: You can't treat anyone in that manner.


I want to tell you and the world that I’m young now, but I am on my way. I will make a great doctor. I will. And not only will I be smart efficient professional and great with patients, I will know how to not abuse my authority. I will treat people well and give them their due respect despite their social or economic status. I am going to live a life where I am nice to people and do things consentually. I will not deceive people or lead them to believe things that are not true. I would not assume that someone is smaller or weaker in the ‘ladder’ that I can do whatever I want with them.

In the meanwhile, I will have a great internship experience where in the next few months I am going to work in the hospital in a different department and meet some amazing doctors who are nice and great and respectful. It will happen.

[ 02-04-2011, 09:13 PM: Message edited by: breath ]

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JenBug24
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( I just accidentally deleted a rant that I really wanted to post ugh)

I hate you. I really do. You tortured me to near death. I ended up on life support more than once and you still tell me you were a good mum? That you did nothing wrong? I spent more than 12 years being brutally abused by you before I managed to get help. And even then it was only because someone saw I couldn't use one of my arms and the bruising was so bad the whole fore arm was black. You persuaded the social workers that I was the whack job, didn't you? You made the child protection officer believe I was the deranged one, didn't you? Now no doctor, no professional believes anything I say. Every cold, flu or anything is now all made up in my head to them. You've ruined my life. I don't close my eyes because I remember how you tortured me. I don't barely talk because I have your voice ringing in my ears that you will kill me if I say anything about what things are really like at home. The one person to ever show me that there is such a thing as love; you prohibited me from talking to her about anything personal. Then you found out she's a lesbian and in your homophobic rage you forbade me to even say hi. Is it any wonder I tried to kill myself once? Twice? Thrice? Noone believes that you are what you are. I hate you for making me incompetent. I thought mothers are supposed to be maternal, loving, caring? Not beating their little daughter until she's bleeding from every orifice and more then dump her bloody near dead body in a park in the middle of winter clad in only mini shorts and a spagetty top. You're not a mother. Youre an evil monster. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I'm your daughter. I'm 16 years old now. I'm human. I still live with you because you're a manipulative cow that made everyone think I was the rotten egg. I have no money and who gives a shit about me. Out of the three people who honestly care even a little about me, one I can't even look at because I know I hurt her a lot by suddenly not even saying hi, another I can't talk to because that's your rule, the other, a child the same age as me, has only a tiny inkling as to what you're like. Stop telling me I'm the problem. Stop abusing me. Stop abusing your power. Stop pretending to the outside world that you love me when the opposite is true. Stop killing me. Just so you know: I hate you mummy.

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-x- JenBug24 -x-

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Jill2000Plus
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JenBug24, you have my deepest sympathies for your suffering, I wish I could help you somehow.

If anyone wants a hug, here's one from me: HUG.

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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-Firefly-
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JenBug, I'm so very sorry you're going through this. What you're describing is very serious abuse. Would you like help getting in touch with people who can get you out of there? We can do that if you want.

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Help sustain sex ed and Scarleteen: donate!

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Silver-Lined Clouds
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Dear Dad,

I truly find it interesting that it takes you eighteen years to finally figure out that your relationship with me is not something to be proud of. No, in all seriousness, I find it puzzling that you had to ask my mother how to become a better father to me six months before I move out. That's the way to win my love.

Oh and remember when we talked about me going to college, thanks for being so supportive when you told me that you had no idea where I was going to get the money from because you can't help me. That really boosts a girl's self esteem.

Oh, lets not forget that you got mad at me for only applying to Florida colleges and not a single Pennsylvania college. Do I really need to tell you that I hated it there? Do I really need to remind you that I never wanted to go in the first place? Why do you think I went back on my antidepressants? Oh, but you think I shouldn't have been taking them in the first place, that I should have adapted to the move. Well, sorry, but I have depression, and I take care of it.

So, do I really have to explain to you why I left Pennsylvania? When you knew I hated it from the moment we moved. When you knew I went into a major depression the whole time we moved. Those tears weren't fake. I cried for at least five hours that night. Want to know the only reason why it was only five hours? Because I cried myself to sleep, and it's hard to cry when you're asleep.

I hate it that I can't talk to you, but I guess that's nothing new. I can't tell you what I'm thinking, because you wouldn't listen to me. I'm nineteen now, dad, I'm an adult. I don't mooch off of you, I don't live with you, I don't ask for gas money, or money to go to the doctor. I don't ask for money to repair my car, and I don't ask for money for college. So why when I ask you how much you pay for our family's medical insurance, do you throw a fit because I'm applying for food stamps for my mother and I so we can eat. Because really, it's a crime to ask for help once in a while, or at least that's what you think. But no, I can't ask you for help. Why? Because you won't help mom too. I don't buy my own food, I buy food with mom. Want to help me? Help us. But you won't, and that's ok. Just give me the information, without the lecture. You do know that I just blanked out that whole time, right?

Oh, yeah, about our conversations. Don't talk to me about how Mom abandoned you. Really. I don't want to hear it. Do you really want to know why? Because I have the same issues with you as she does. I hope that snaps you back into reality, because you really are a jerk. I don't care that work is hard. School was hard, my job was hard. Do you understand that during my senior year of high school, I was being productive more than you were? I was up at 5 in the morning so I could catch a 6:30 bus, so I could be at school at 8, just to get out at 3, and be home at 4. But no, it didn't end there, and you knew it. At 4:30, I was at work and didn't get off until 6. You? You got up at 6 leave for work at 8:30, to be at work by 9 and you were off at 5, home at 5:30. I had eleven and a half hour days, you only had nine hour days. And that's not even taking into consideration my homework.

So I'm sorry that I didn't help out. And I'm sorry that I wanted to take a nap. Who would have thought that a nap was so wrong that you would yell at my mother for allowing me to take one, and then lecturing me that I should be going to bed earlier than I do so that I wouldn't need a nap. Well news flash dad, I already told you that naps are taken into consideration for your eight hours of sleep recommended by doctors. And you know what, it's NORMAL for teenagers to not be able to fall asleep until midnight. Wow! Ever think that your daughter was NORMAL? No way!

I see that I can only go to you for help when it pertains to my computer. That's ok, I'm used to it now. But please, don't try to enter into my life after all of these years. You screwed up, I don't like dealing with you. So, I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk to you on the phone. And I sure as heck don't want to see you posting on my facebook. Do you even know how weird that is?

So, Dad, here's the news flash. I'm an adult. I don't need your help, nor do I want it. I am capable of helping my mother provide for ourselves. I am going to Planned Parenthood, I am on birth control, and I pay for it myself. I won't ask you for help, ever. I would rather take out a loan than ask you for money. And I'd rather pay for a psychologist than talk to you about my problems. Sorry, that's how life goes. If you wanted it to be different, you should have started sooner.

Dear Mom,

Don't think I left you out of this. I'm 19, I'm independent. I can go to my boyfriends when I want to, because guess what, he's independent too. I'm going to go spend the night with him, and I don't feel like telling you excuses. I'm not going to tell you that I'm going to a friend's house for the night, because that's just stupid. You know I have sex, so it's time to get over it. You know I'm being safe.

Oh, and here's a big one. Please stop telling me that my relationships aren't going to last. Just because you never really fell in love doesn't mean that I won't. I love my boyfriend, I would do anything for him. And the reason why I don't see him much is because his schedule is crazy, not that he's cheating on me. Thank you. And when he says he's spending the day with his mom instead of me, I'm fine with it. Want to know why? Because he wants to have a relationship with her, he loves her, and she loves him. He' not off with another girl when he says that his grandmother came into town, or when he texts me last minute and says that his mom needed him for the day. How do I know this? Because I trust him. I know he won't hurt me, I can feel it. He loves me, just like I love him.

I don't regret having sex with him. And I won't regret it. And here's a news flash mom, sex is enjoyable! I like it, so sue me, if I am not opposed to having sex with my boyfriend. Just because you can't stand to look at my father doesn't mean that I am going to be the same way.

I am not you. We have totally different lives, and I am going to make different decisions from you. You have equipped me with a lot of knowledge, and I am going to use that knowledge in making my decisions in life. So I'm not sorry if I disappoint you. It's something you're going to have to figure out. And I'm not going to live at home forever. As a matter of fact, I like the idea that my boyfriend has about getting a place together by the end of this year. It sounds nice. And it's not wrong for me to want that for myself. It's not wrong to want to be living with my boyfriend at 19. Sure, maybe I'll have to get a roommate, I'll deal with that when the time comes. Just because I don't plan my whole life out doesn't mean I don't have a plan.

Just because I don't do things the way you think I should doesn't mean that I'm doing them wrong. I'm doing them my way, and that's ok.

So, Mom, here's your news flash. I'm not you! Let me screw up once in a while. I'll get it figured out eventually. Just let me do it.

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JenBug24
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quote:
Originally posted by blysse_norwood:
JenBug, I'm so very sorry you're going through this. What you're describing is very serious abuse. Would you like help getting in touch with people who can get you out of there? We can do that if you want.

Well, I've tried social services, the police, school councillors, child protection at my school and local borough. Noone is able to help me more than say 'at this stage all that can be done is for you to see a councillor'. They didn't even put me on the CP register. If you can think of anything else I can try/do/get in contact with, I'd be super glad to give it a go. Thank you [Smile]

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-x- JenBug24 -x-

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Karybu
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Jen: I'm so sorry to hear that none of the people you've talked to have been supportive or at all helpful.

Could you be a little bit more specific about where in the UK you are, so we can find resources that are accessible to you?

[ 02-11-2011, 04:24 PM: Message edited by: Karybu ]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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JenBug24
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Sure, I live in North-west London.

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-x- JenBug24 -x-

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Karybu
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Ok, so you're in an area where you likely have access to quite a few different services. One thing it doesn't sound like you've tried yet is getting in touch with any organisations that serve LGBT youth specifically - they often have some fantastic resources around helping people out of abusive situations.

The Albert Kennedy Trust looks like a good place to start, and they have links and phone numbers for a bunch of other resources you can try as well.

In addition to that organisation, there's a more general page of resources here: Support Line - Resources which you may find useful.

Phoning any of the resources listed will help you get in touch with someone who can advocate for you and help you make a report to the police or social services. I've also put a call out on our twitter feed about this, so if any of our contacts in the UK have any suggestions, I'll be sure to add them here.

[ 02-11-2011, 05:42 PM: Message edited by: Karybu ]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Karybu
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So I've heard back from a couple of people on twitter, and they've suggested contacting either PACE or GALOP, both of which are located in London.

Give those orgs a try, and if they don't have any help for you, get back to us and we'll see what else we can do, okay?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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JenBug24
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quote:
Originally posted by Karybu:
So I've heard back from a couple of people on twitter, and they've suggested contacting either PACE or GALOP, both of which are located in London.

Give those orgs a try, and if they don't have any help for you, get back to us and we'll see what else we can do, okay?

Thank you! I will have a look later today. [Smile]

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-x- JenBug24 -x-

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adiemus
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As I walked to my father’s car, I saw a bunch of kids hanging out, sitting on the curb and in a car, with food and a Big Gulp or something on the car roof, laughing and talking. They looked like a bunch of delinquents, or like a group of friends. I smiled. I walked over and got into my father’s car. “Those must be the gems of [your high school],” he said grimly. I scowled mentally.

Because you drive a good car and you have all this life experience and you listen to classical and jazz, Pink Floyd and Beethoven, because you work at a prosperous company with a steady, high-paying job, because you disapprove of swearing and drinking, because you read Nation and you think you’ve learned to take every view, you think you’re better? You think you’re superior to these kids? You think they’re delinquents?

You know what? It ain’t these kids, wasting their lives having fun, knowing the value of friendship, who need to spend some time in an educational community service program. It’s you, wasting your life in a 9-to-5 job with a family whose lives you don’t know about, thinking about what’s wrong with the world and what should be different, sending money but never seeing how people live, who needs to spend 10 hours a week with the masses. It’s you who needs to have the experience of finding out that yeah, you are being elitist, if not how the Republicans would say. It’s you who needs to learn that they ain’t inferior at all, just different, and in a lot of good ways. It’s you who needs to spend long enough with the delinquent kids to see that they have lives, in a way the good kids don’t. You think they have no idea what they’re getting themselves into, that they’re going to have a shock when they enter the “real world” without a good education, but guess what? These are the kids that already live in the real world, who are left behind and treated by people like you like they don’t know anything when they’re faced with the reality of broken families and substance abuse and crime and taking care of elderly parents on food stamps -- yeah, those are these kids, not some romantic idea of bony little kids in poverty organization ads saying “feed us,” but these kids with some weed and a lot of profane vocabulary, and the fact that they can laugh so “ignorantly” and smile with their friends and blast some rap and snicker at you is ******* awesome. It’s win. That’s right, some bad words and teen slang right thar. They got spirit, man, and you’ve lost it.

Yeah, those gems of my high school, hallelujah, I’m a bum. I think I’d like to be them instead. But not permanently, cause god, the stuff they’ve had to deal with.

Break out of your elitist shell. Listen to Pink Floyd, Beethoven, and Lady Gaga. Stop trying to be hipster, Mom and Dad, it’s not nearly as cool as being open-minded.

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the sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead

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Jill2000Plus
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Dear all parents: stop assuming you know what's best for your kids or that you understand them better than anyone else does. Just because you think that having all your genital parts or masturbation or premarital sex or being LGTBQUIA or using contraception or STI prevention methods or having an abortion is wrong, does not mean those things are wrong. Stop thinking that because you choose not to do those things or are not those things yourself that makes it o.k. to tell/coerce/make/force any born homosapien under 18 not to do/be/have them, or punish them for doing/being/having them and don't act like the house they live in isn't just as much theirs as yours. They don't get to stop you from having sex in the house (they legally cannot) and you don't get to stop them either (and I am referring to both solo and partnered sex). If your religion is opposed to any of these things, that is irrelevant as they do not have to follow your religion, if you believe they are wrong on the basis of culture or anything else, they have no obligation to follow your unevidenced beliefs. They own their body, they are an autonomous being, and they have the right to be given science based education that informs them about their rights and their body and sexuality and science and maths and languages and literature (and they should not have their reading material narrowly restricted, whether it's Huck Finn or a book with LGBT characters that doesn't condemn them or a book that talks about sex without presenting abstinence until marriage as the only acceptable or right choice or a book that was written by an atheist that has an atheistic viewpoint or whatever else you have in mind to start a protest against), and history and geography and politics and which gives them the opportunity to do art and music and performing arts and sport.

[ 03-05-2011, 12:04 PM: Message edited by: Jill2000Plus ]

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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mizchastain
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To some people I've interacted with recently:

Does it seriously not occur to you that maybe the reason you're having difficulty in your life is less because you're female than because every time I've seen you you've been acting like whiny, petty, catty, self-obsessed hypocrites?

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mizchastain
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(Last post was not directed at anyone on here - sorry if it was unclear.)

More recently, to some people who know who they are:

Screw you. Just screw you. Enough with the "lol his writing sux", A MAN DIED. Whether you like him or not, it's not funny.

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Rein
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Looks as though it's been a few months since the last post...but...
I just told my dad I'm a lesbian.

So Dad,

Good to know you're disappointed. Then you say you still love me... After telling me that homosexuality was considered a disease- something that's wrong in the brain. Then you tell me they(whoever they are) fought the disease idea with calling it a lifestyle choice. Do you realize I didnt choose this? WHY THE HELL WOULD I CHOOSE TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH SUCH MISERY, DAD?!

Then you compare it to I thinknits called beastiality.... How are they the same? I know where you were going with that comment. I also heard the pure disgust in you're voice when you said it that night at dinner. Do I digust you dad? I know you're disappointed. That's all I can think about. That's why when I can sleep, it's only after I've worn myself without crying. I'm proud to be who I am and I'm just thankful that I have friends that support me because if I didn't then I wouldn't be sleeping under you're roof anymore- and no I don't mean running away from home

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Call me what you will but I think you should know, I only answer to my name.

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Heather
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(Just a reminder to all of you posting here that is likely stating the obvious: if you want to come talk about any of this with any of us, you're always welcome to post about what you're posting in this thread elsewhere, too.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Kawani3792
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Just found out some new stuff, and just needed to get it out.

Dear Granny,
You've been not quite a friend, you put down my mother (your own daughter) and my brother, who I can hardly stand sometimes but even I know you were being rude, too many times to be a friend, but you've been my grandma for nineteen years now. And you were pretty cool, for a grandma. You gave me the change from the newspaper rack if I went along with you and rolled papers and helped deliver them. For that matter, you let me go along and roll papers and help deliver them. You learned to tolerate me reading Harry Potter, after a couple years of repeatedly explaining that I know it's fictional and I'm not going to try to use Crucio on my brother (although I might jokingly point a finger at the light switch and say "Lumos", but only when there's a cat asleep on my chest). And you stopped smoking. It took a long time, including a brief but terrible point where you kept suckers in the car and wouldn't let me have any because you needed them when you wanted to smoke.
And then I found out just a few days ago that you're a bible-thumper, that you thought about replying to my friend's status, where he asked if we thought that he was going to hell for being gay. I told him exactly what I thought, that no God who is so loving would send someone to hell for loving. And you were going to post, because you had a definite opinion and I was wrong because of course, you've read the Bible, and for my friend to love men is wrong, full stop.
And then, of course, I had posted a reply to a post by Scarleteen, about a camp that tries to turn gay men straight. And you asked my mom what it was about, and told her how she shouldn't be letting her daughter on a site like that.
A bunch of my friends are gay. Michelle is a lesbian, and so is Hope. Even Cisi is a lesbian. Michelle is a christian, and Hope even more so. Hope is the girl who goes to church every Sunday, and Wednesdays for youth meetings, and she knows every word of the songs they sing and she sings them with all she has. She has spina bifida, easily 90% of her posts on facebook have something to do with thanking God for her being able to walk, and his wonderful intervention in her life and all he has done for her. She didn't come out to anyone until she prayed that if loving women was a sin, that he should cure her of it. And then she pointed out when she came out to everyone that humans are not to judge, that God is to judge. She is an amazing woman, and she's a lesbian. And my friend from earlier? He's gay, yeah. He's pretty fun to hang out with. He thinks Lady Gaga is awesome, but I suppose there's no accounting for taste. And I love country music, scream along to the girl-power songs, buy and dress in the frilliest, girliest clothes I can find (blue, yeah, but I don't like pink very much), and I'm a lesbian. With a bit of a crush on Michelle, actually.
You are not God. He will judge me, not you. And congratulations, because you've just snipped the last bit of familial bond that made me like you. If you think I'm evil and wrong, you obviously don't care to associate with me. I'd hate to make you speak to someone so tainted, just so you could tell me how wrong I am.


off on a tangent-
Dear mom/granny,
Why is it when you saw that I was friends with Scarleteen, and you went to the website, you assumed I was getting interested in sex? I honestly want to know. You couldn't take the time to read anything about it, otherwise you'd see that this site is so much more than sex, it's body education, it's sexual orientation and gender identity and relationship concerns. You couldn't bring yourself to ask me, otherwise I might have told you that I've been interested in sex since I was about 12, that I've got a profile on a dating site (without real-life info or photos, of course, because I'm paranoid) as gay and single, that I have a crush on the girl who has been my best friend and big sister since I was ten, and that I might be into BDSM, I'm not totally sure. I might have told you that I found Scarleteen when I was searching for LGBTQ support, but I told you someone on that other forum told me about it. Just like anytime something happened on Scarleteen that I really wanted to mention, I either kept my mouth shut, or said someone on that other forum, the parent-safe one, said it.


I ripped out the pages of the notebook I loaned you that have my emotions trapped in them with ink on a white page. I wrote down my websites, usernames and secret words for every site I'm on, because if something happens to me, I want you to research me, go on these sites and find out who your daughter really was and what she couldn't tell you. And once again, I'm telling complete strangers things that I can't tell you, because they support me, and you got squeamish and giggled like children hearing "Penis" for the first time when I told you I'd ordered my menstrual cup. For that matter, dad, you treated it like a dirty diaper, once you realized what it was. I must say, even if it wasn't so great, it would've been worth the 35 dollars just to see how uncomfortable you got.

(Although, props to you, mom. You freaked about it, but admitted that the little cotton bag was cute. I'm proud of you. And I hate to break it to you, but no matter how far in that thing gets, I'm comfortable enough with my vagina that I'll be able to reach it to remove it. Just because you're still squeamish about yours, doesn't mean I am. I was discovering myself and finding resources to help me when I didn't even have a use for menstrual supplies)

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bookwormfairy
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Ok guys really, I can't go by myself anywhere just because I'm a girl? That's so messed up. Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean that I can't protect myself. Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean that if I go somewhere I'll get kidnapped, raped, and/or killed. Like really hearing you say this makes me want to kill myself.

I would do that too but it's too late. I going to prove you guys wrong. I'm going to become a successful person doing the thing I love and thats helping people. I don't care if I make a lot of money, just seeing those people lives change makes a difference.

--------------------
~Lillian

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Destinee Carols
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Dear ---.

**** you for daring to imply that I do not care.

You wanted me to talk. This is what happens when I talk.

Are we all happy now?

Kthxbai.

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Moire O'Searcaigh
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I hate to post so late, but hey, what is this thread for if not letting off steam? SO here's some open letters.

Dear Mr Stevens,

I thought you just liked that I was your only student who actually cared about science. I thought you were simply impressed when I brought in homework from my college night classes to my 8th grade teacher. You loaned me a biology book. That was nice of you. Okay, you got rather close when you read over my shoulder, but I thought you had bad eyes or something like me. I gave you the benefit of the doubt every time something a little off happens. But then, when you locked the classroom door behind us that morning, when I was cornered between the table and your desk and you kissed me? That was out of line. But quiet, shy, intrapersonal little Mary isn't going to tell anyone, is she? You were right. I didn't want to tell anyone. My parents already didn't think too highly of me. I wasn't going to them for help. And once you got out of line, you stayed out of line. Even in class. Did you enjoy making me blush? Watching me stammer and forget my English because you pretend to trip and accidentaly touch my chest? Other people started noticing the way you talked about me, and your confidence was your downfall. Imagine, if I hadn't been such good friends with your boss, the assistant superintendent, you wouldn't have to loose your job. If I hadn't taken her aside and asked what I should do when a married teacher nearly shags his thirteen year old student, you would be doing this to another quiet helpless girl, wouldn't you. And then, you lose your job, and you blame me? You call me? You find me? I'm glad the police finally got you. You deserve every day of your few months in gaol.

Dear Mum,

Why did you want me to fake the American accent? Did you not want me to be any different? Just because we lived in America doesn't make me American. I never did like America that much. I'm just glad you did. I'm glad you had a good time. I'm sorry that I am who I am, and that you hate it. I tried to keep it from you, but I couldn't bring myself to be dishonest to you. You should be proud that I loved you that much, even when you did not love me. So I told you. I told you I fell in love with a girl. I told you I was Pagan. I told you I wished we could get a long, because of your open mind. The mind I thought you had. But when you screamed at me like that, then more because I cried, it hurt too much. I stole the paracetamols. I took the seven pills. That's why you found me like that. And I'm glad Dad still had the compassion to take me into hospital. But you pulled the strings in the family. You made him agree that I should not be your daughter any more. That I am not one of you. My sister is Pagan also! She told me. And I warned her to fake the Catholicism for you, so that she did not end up like me. I want her to live the good life that I could have had if I kept my mouth shut. I am glad to know she is doing so well in school. I love her. I hope you do too.

Dear Doctor who told me I had AIDS,

You scared the life out of me. I was only thirteen, man! I hadn't even had proper sex yet! But when I go in with my wierd symptoms and you blood test me, you call at midnight and tell my parents I have AIDS, and get me to the emergency room. I'm so lucky you were wrong. ITP is so much better. I just wish I'm not stuck with it all my life. Why couldn't you just say you didn't know. That I needed more blood work done. I was so scared.
And as an aside to the med student at the hospital: Dude. The purpura was on my legs. The lower part. No need to touch my crotch as much as you did. It's just messed up.

Dear Chandler:

You were a creep. I was 14, you were 17, what went through your head to make you decide I was your own personal whore? I blame you for my short job as a prostitute when I got kicked out. You messed up my mind. You fully exploited my manic depression, telling me that during my mania, sex would calm me down, and during my melancholia, sex would make me feel better. And I believed every word you said, because you were the only boy that cared about me, that would make me feel special. You led me to believe we were in love. Lies. I should have realised through you men can be poisonous.

Dear British Army:

Northern Ireland is part of the UK, too. It's your country. SO why did you treat us like shite? My neighbour, John. Do you remember him? You should. You should remember him every day of your life. I do. I was a little kid when you shot him, but I remember it like yesterday, like shell shock. The shot. He wasn't even IRA, like Dad. But John died anyway, an innocent boy, just sixteen, because he was standing in a street. There was no one else around, so I ran out. You didn't shoot a terrified little girl. And I held him in my arms. I held him as you just watched. And I could swear I heard your soldier laugh. Laughing at the comedy of Irish people helping each other, or trying. Other neighbours came out to help and you stood by as they lifted him off my lap, you just looked at a dead boy's blood on my skirt, and my hands. I still feel like my hands are stained with John's blood. I'm just glad I wasn't there when you blew up my father. I never even knew him, do you know that? To this day, all I know is Eoghan Green, soldier in the IRA. Not much of a fatherly memory.

Dear Grandmother:

What the f--k is wrong with you. Opposing interracial marriage? What? Disowning your son because he married a black woman? What? You loved an alcoholic and abusive father more than your own son, who loved a black woman? Does it make sense in your mind? You say the bible prohibits it. You hate everyone who isn't white, or American, or straight, or especially Christian. White Christians have done wrong too. Did I ever tell you about the British Army? You wouldn't get it. You're on mum's side of the family, the American side, and you wouldn't understand. I'm just grateful that Liberal Democrat me got to debate with Conservative you for so long. I enjoyed it, and it inspired me to go into politics as soon as I am able.

Dear Steve:

You lying, cheating bastard. I trusted you. I ignored the age thing. I ignored that you had two kids barely younger than me. I was blindly in love with you for the man I thought you were. You gave me a home. You got me a job, true it was just a janitorial job at a vet clinic, but it was a job, and I kept the pay. We were a happy couple for about a year, and then I saw the real Steve. WHen your own son says 'Mommy's pregnant!' and you tell him we 'don't talk about mommy aroud Mary', and I just know it's you. WHy did you do it, Steve? DId you want a girl with enough energy to keep you satisfied and watch the kids and cook and clean up and charm your mother, to whom you introduced me as the kids' new au pair? And I'm sure you figured an ex-prostitute would be great in bed. Well I hope I was, because you bloody well weren't. I'm glad to be rid of you. I hope there are better men out there.

And finally, to Damian:

Thank you for helping me get away from Steve. Thank you for providing emotional and mental support in my time of troubles. You're one of the best friends I ever had, and why you're a friend of Steve's I have no idea.

Just wanted to try to end on a happy note. Jeez, that got long. But I feel better now. I just wish they'd read it and know, because all through it I smiled at these people, and went along with it. No more.

Posts: 17 | From: Northern Ireland | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
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It's been a long time this thread was posted in, but.....well. Here goes.

Trigger Warning for Abuse Survivors!!
(Mention of childhood sexual abuse and other abuse)

To: My Ex-Stepfather

I thought of you as my true father. I loved you. I treated you better than I did my own MOTHER.

But the kind daddy I loved proved to be an illusion. His real self did not hesitate to prey on an unsuspecting child and turn her into a raging, dysfunctional mess.

You BETRAYED me. You LIED to me.
You almost DESTROYED me.

You molested me. Are you SATISFIED?

I will HAUNT you until the day you DIE. My smiling image will be the last thing you see as you beg for me to forgive you.

You said many things to me.
You told me you wanted to SAW people in HALF.
You said you wanted to be an ARSONIST, a TERRORIST.
You threatened to stalk and STAB me.
You said you would KILL me. That you would KILL my mother.

Even as you threatened to KILL yourself in order to get what you want, you stated that I wasn't worth the trouble.

Well, I hope you are happy.
No, actually I don't. I hope that you are DYING OF GUILT.
It's a far-stretched hope for a remorseless, emotionless, heartless sadist such as yourself who possesses no vestige of humanity and no shred of empathy.
But hope I will. To see your demise.

I will live for now, in order to bring no further grief to my mother who was mentally battered by you and who was left to pick up the billion shattered pieces you left in your wake.

You have no one now. Even though you used me for your perverse whim, I was never yours.
Now that I have realized the full extent of what you've done to me, you cannot turn to me to verbally assault me with your pathetic incompetency.
You're on your own.

If I manage to survive this, I will laugh at you from heaven.
If I fail, I will see you in hell.

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sans
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Well, looks like I'm back here again to vent some more. [Frown]

Trigger Warning for Abuse Survivors!


To My Former Pastor:

I know that it was I who called you, seeking closure from my stepfather's abuse that you and your church (which is definitely not an accurate reflection of how Christianity is in general) were very much aware of, and maybe even condoned, perhaps.

But there was no way that I could've foreseen your answer to me.

So you're going to tell me that the reason why my stepfather sexually abused me was because my mother denied him sex? That, due to her petty, fickle nature as a woman, she got back at him for some argument by neglecting her PROPER DUTY as a wife to give him SEXUAL SATISFACTION? And, as a result of me being in the wrong place at the wrong time, he had to get his sexual needs met through me, A CHILD, 'cause that's just how strong SEX DRIVES ARE FOR MEN, THAT IF THEIR WIVES CAN'T "SATISFY" THEM, THEN THEIR KIDS WILL HAVE TO DO THE TRICK??????

What kind of a sick f*** are you? Did you think that through before spewing it out of your mouth, you piece of sh**? No, actually, that sounds exactly like what my stepfather would say, you egotistical, self-righteous 55 year-old f*****!

You trying to f*** me up? Care to re-educate yourself before you give your f****** advice, you little s***? Your so-called logic does not even deserve the f****** phone bill I paid for to hear it, for the f****** sake of the future of humanity. And you're saying all this under the f****** pretense of enlightening me to the "truth"?!! You're just full of s***. And if everyone else in that church is of the same mentality as you, for the love of justice I pray no one else has to cry because of the s*** you guys put them through. Hell, you don't know how many times I wished I could gouge my eyes out because of all the f****** s*** you pile on me due to your intrisic worthlessness as a human being, your s***** incompetency, your inherent base hypocrisy, and your f****** sexist, chauvinist, derogatory s*** that fueled my f****** stepfather's abusive behaviour.

F*** you. Someday I will copy this and email it to you.

--------------------
"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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