I have a really big doubt. I've never formally dated before, so I was at this party in which I never thought I was going to run into someone familiar, but then there it was, a high school philosophy teacher (who didn't know who I was because he taught other groups, but never mine). So we started to have a really nice conversation, we have same interests and everything so it was easy. when I left I kind of wanted to ask him for his phone but I didn't, we added each other on facebook and last thursday it was my bday, and today he was asking me how I was and everything, suddenly he wouldn't stop talking and he drove the conversation into a point where he was inviting me to this really cool place for gigs. The thing is I'm kind of interested in this guy, he is just a few years older than me, (we're both pretty young) but the thing is that I don't know if he is asking me out as a date or just as friends, how should I behave or what kind of comments should I avoid not to make the situation akward? please help! Also, I thought he was dating a girl with whom he was the day I ran into him... but I don't have a way to know it, I need some advice here!
-------------------- "Je pense, donc je suis." - Descartes Posts: 13 | From: Mexico | Registered: Aug 2011
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Since we know even less of him than you do, it's hard for us to make any sort of guesses about his behavior. The person who knows best would be this guy, so the only way to find out is to ask him.
He has asked you to something that could potentially be a date, but it hasn't been made explicit, so asking for clarification is completely valid. Plus, if you don't know what his situation is in terms of this other girl, you have extra reason to double-check.
-------------------- -joey Scarleteen Volunteer
"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand Posts: 8424 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005
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You know, it really is okay for things to be awkward. And when people first meet and start to get to know each other -- and not just with dating, but friendship too -- things often will be a bit awkward at first. rather than trying to avoid that, it's often easiest to just accept it and not make a big deal out of it: that can tend to make everyone feel more comfortable.
You also may have to get used to asking things directly of people you're going to date. When you two are hanging out, it's absolutely okay to just ask him if he's currently dating anyone. It's not like that's something people can't ask one another: it's important information, obviously. And he may ask you the same thing. What if you scare him by asking that? Honestly, that'd be a pretty strange thing to get scared by, if you ask me, but if he did get scared by asking for such basic information, then I'd say it's better you sort that out now than later. If that does scare him, then you can know this probably isn't someone to date right now, you know?
In terms of not knowing if this is a date or not, why not just go if you want to, and see what happens? You also can ask while you're hanging out if it's a date or not, if you want to know. But really, when you're just getting to know someone, it's not like the first time you really hang out would likely go all that differently if it was about dating or becoming friends.
What can you talk about? The things you might have in common, each of your lives, whatever gig you're seeing, whatever you find interesting.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63418 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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