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Author Topic: In Love With my Best Friend and Lying About it
InLoveInPain
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I know this is long but please read. I'm really in need of help and I'll take any advice I can get.

Ok, the short version of the story is that I'm a male with a great female friend (I actually consider her my best friend) and there's a part of me that has always wanted more than just friendship. Now here's the long version.

After taking her to my Junior Prom back in May of 2005 I started to fall for her. That crush grew into stronger feelings yet I never said anything due to feeling unable to handle a relationship and fear of rejection. For almost 2 years I kept everything bottled up while we gradually got closer albeit as friends. Finally on Valentine's Day 2007 I wrote her a letter explaining my feelings. While she did appreciate the flattering things I said and admitted that could bring us closer, she still rejected me. The next six months were up and down with awkwardness yet we still remained friends despite her saying she could never be 100% comfortable around me. During this time I had a lot of emotional problems so she still stayed with me as a friend and helped me out despite that. Things got back to normal as we prepared to go back to college. I told I was over her as I was about to begin life at a new school. I honestly thought I was over her.

Anyway, I started living the party life with gallon after gallon of booze, weed smoking, and multiple sex partners (please don't judge. It was college). At the same time, she met a guy and ended up dating him for almost 3 years. As surprising as it may seem, her getting a b/f didn't really hurt me. I spent about a year and a half being like an older brother to her and was kinda content with it. Her boyfriend and I even got along. Then in October of 2009 he got frustrated and broke up with her though only for a couple weeks. During those couple weeks she turned to me and I comforted her as much as possible. It was during those couple weeks I realized that I still loved her and never truly got over her. I just drowned my feelings for her by living the high life.

As luck would have it, they then got back together and I knew I would have to bury my feelings. So I did. It was around this time I began seeing my feelings towards her as a burden and tried to meet any other girl who could be the one. Then in January of this year they broke up...for real this time. Or at least for the last 9 months. Naturally, I helped her through the initial break-up plus I took her out and tried to get her mind off things when her ex found someone else just a couple months ago.

We have a great friendship, we really do. As of this Halloween we've been friends for 7 years and in that time we have been through so much together. I love her, she loves me but not like I love her. I feel like I'm betraying her trust by having these feelings and desires for something more. Plus, it hurts me. Sure, I can deal with it most of the time and just put it on the back burner. I look at my feelings as like having a bad back or bad knees. Sure, you're sort of in pain 24/7 but for the most part you deal. Then you have your bad days though.

I've been slipping back into depression for the first time in 4 years these past couple months. It's finally time for me to admit that this has been a part of it and easing this pain will truly help get my life back on track. So, I admit it. I'm in love with my best friend and have been lying about it for over 4 years. Hell, for 2 years I even lied to myself. It's time for me to do something. I can't go on like this.

What can i possibly do? I need help. I may need some kind of therapy to truly get over this. I certainly can't cut her out of my life. You probably think I should tell her and that could help. While it could ease the burden it could potentially change our friendship for the worst because now she'll question everything from the last 4 years. I went through hell when i wrote her that V-Day letter way back and I'm not going through it again. Think about it, not only would I be admitting feelings but I'd be admitting that I've been lying to her for 4+ years. Can I possibly get over this whole thing without her knowing? I just want this to end!

The worst part is, who do you think I would normally turn to in a situation like this? Yes, I can't even turn to my best friend...

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Saffron Raymie
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Hi InLoveInPain - welcome to Scarleteen. Don't trouble yourself about posts being long - it helps us get a nice clear picture of how we can help you. [Smile]

Please know that nobody is going to judge you here. Having muliple sex partners is just as valid a choice as having only two or three. Also, while we can't endorse any illegal activity, we're a very diverse team and have all had a wide range of experiences.

Stating something you believe to be true is not lying. You truly thought you did not have any sexual or romantic feelings left for this person. Things like excessive drinking and smoking can make us believe that we feel differently - when actually our original feelings are still present. It's understandable that you said what you did to her, because you thought it was true. Am I right here?

First of all, can I ask if your best friend actually asked you if your sexual and/or romantic feelings for her were still there?

[ 11-08-2011, 06:40 AM: Message edited by: RaeRay2112 ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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InLoveInPain
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She's never asked me. As far as she knows, I got over everything in the summer of 2007.

I should probably specify that I wasn't using drugs, alcohol, and sex to try to drown my thoughts or feelings it just turned out that way. I was just a party animal.

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Kawani3792
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Wow, this is eerily similar to a situation I've been in.

I'm female with a great female best friend, she's a couple years older than me and a really great person. I started realizing I had feelings for her around summer 2007...then my family moved 1500 miles away.
I saw her twice in four years, and had basically convinced myself I was just a little confused and only admired her, didn't actually like her, yeah, I'm totally over her.
Then my family moved from one side of the country to the other and stopped to see our friends and family again, including this girl. My crush-because it was definitely a crush-returned full force. I finally told her via Facebook message that I used to have a crush on her, but didn't any more.
Then I finally gave up and told her the truth, that I still cared for her. And the thing is-she didn't talk to me at all, total radio silence, for a month or so. Then we just started talking again. No biggie. Chatting on the phone. Joking just like we always have. She hasn't stopped being my friend, but I'm not afraid of talking to her anymore-I was always afraid she would somehow pick up that I liked her. Now I'm not.

Basically, I think I'm saying that it might be a good thing to tell her. She might be angry at first, but you've been friends for a long time, and hopefully that friendship will outweigh this. Reassure her that you will still be friends with her, and won't try to pressure her into a relationship, you just wanted to get it off your chest. And give her time.

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Saffron Raymie
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For sure; partying can sometimes just distact us from feelings without us knowing.

Sexual and/or romantic feelings aren't really as solid and concrete as we're often lead to believe. They are actually very fluid, and can come and go - even for the same person. Sometimes it's not a case that we just 'get over' someone - it's possible that feelings and desires can fluctuate; we might feel that we aren't attracted to someone anymore and a year later, say, those feelings are back.

So, whether those feelings never went away and you though they had, or they changed and then became more intense again; or went away completely and then came back as strong as ever - it's safe to say that you haven't lied or been dishonest here.

You don't have to bring up your attraction with her again, but if you do want to because you feel like it will ease you discomfort, it might be for the best there.

Only you can be the expert of what you want to do to feel better. [Smile]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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InLoveInPain
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I've got to be honest, I know what I'm about to say contradicts part of my original post but I really think I need to tell her. While there is no logical reason for me to think she feels any differently from before, it's still just something I gotta do. This is not something I should feel embarrassed about or burdened by. Plus, at this point I feel that telling her will help.

Any advice on how I might go about telling her? I'm still at a loss there...

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Saffron Raymie
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It's absolutely not something to be embarassed or burdened by. If you have felt burdened bu this, it might be a good idea to get it off your chest, as Kawani said.

My best advice as per how to go about telling her would be to be as honest as possible. Maybe start by explaining how you really need a close friend to talk you as it's been affecting you while you were keeping it inside. How you feel like you have nobody to turn to about this for support, as she's your best friend and you'd usually be talking to her about this stuff. Perhaps tell her everything you have told us here - how it's felt like a burden and how you would like to get it off your chest. How you've been afraid of harming the friendship and felt you were betraying her trust. How you understand if she feels unconfortable again and would like some space after you have said what you need to say.

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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InLoveInPain
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To update: I still haven't told her. I feel like timing is everything and I have no idea when or if the right time will come.
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Saffron Raymie
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Welcome back, InLoveInPain.

Does this still feel like something you need to get off your chest in order to feel better?

Or do you feel like it's something she has a right to know? Do you think she would feel more comfortable in your friendship if she knew that you still had feeligs for her? If she said that she 'could never be 100% comfortable' around you, it could be that she suspects that your feelings are still there.

Do you think that you carry some hope that you will someday end up in a sexual or romantic relationship with your friend?

[ 11-30-2011, 04:11 PM: Message edited by: RaeRay2112 ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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InLoveInPain
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At this point I think it's very possible that I'll meet someone else who I'm more compatible with. I think it's a Catch 22 because I'm convinced I'll get over this girl once I meet someone but I don't think I could truly fall for someone else unless I'm over this girl. I hope that makes sense.

When she told me she could never be 100% comfortable around me that was in the summer of 2007 when she KNEW I had feelings for her. Shortly thereafter I told her I got over her and she hasn't seemed to be uncomfortable around me since in any way, shape, or form. However, based on what happened back then, I have every reason to believe that telling her will just turn out badly. But I do feel she deserves to know and I probably should get it off my chest.

yes, I do carry some hope albeit a very tiny bit of it. I'd be lying if I said otherwise. I am fully prepared for the probable outcome of there not being anything though.

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Saffron Raymie
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That makes total sense. Usually, before we have a relationship with someone new, we have to have some space to greve and heal from our previous crush. It sounds like it's impossible, I know, but it's something that needs to be done for the pain to go away.

Telling your friend how you feel may give you the closure you need to start your healing process. I know you haven't had a relationship with the person, but the neccessary healing and grieving you do from this will be similar to having a break up, so it might be a good idea to treat them the same way in terms of doing some self-care.

Here are some links for you that might help:

How to Deal with a Break Up

Break Up Blues

[ 12-01-2011, 12:56 PM: Message edited by: RaeRay2112 ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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InLoveInPain
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Ok, I still haven't told her. I wanted to wait until she got home from school. Ok, maybe I just still don't have the courage to say anything to her.

Things have gotten much more complicated though. She just got back with the boyfriend she broke up with almost a year ago. This changes everything. HELP! [Frown]

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Heather
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You know, it sounds to me like your gut is telling you sharing this really doesn't feel right or sound. It also sounds clearly like you are hoping for a romance, and, at least for the time being, that's not an option available to you with her.

Plus, if she's known you had feelings for years, if she shared those feelings, even years later, it seems to me she'd have told you by now.

I know that all has got to feel mighty sucky, but it seems to me that at this point, you're probably best putting your energy into learning to let this go.

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bump on a log
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I had your problem for, oh, going on for six years. I'm not really in love with her any more, but I think that is because I did not see her for over two years (not by choice, we simply ended up on different continents). That was what it took to stop me being in love. And I still love her very much indeed, she is still central to my life, and I can feel echoes of my former passion and longing ghosting around. And you know that quote about jealousy being born with love, but not dying with it? Yeah, that. On top of which, I think that my loving her burned to ash something in me, blew out a fuse, whatever. I don't seem capable of falling in love like that again. So, you are very likely to get over this, but getting over it may not look like what you thought it might look like. Which you've kind of found out already.

I knew from day one that there was no hope for me, because she is straight. It is possible that you are still holding out hope for yourself. You really should bear in mind that your chances are very, very slim at this point. I know that you probably are bearing that firmly in mind, but just to say so one more time.

Also, I am a dishonest person. It doesn't bother me in the slightest to tell someone I love a pack of lies for years on end. It seems to bother you, however. I'm sorry about that. I suppose it speaks well of you. The only time I was in a comparable situation was shortly after I'd shared a flat with her and two others, one of whom was her boyfriend. We got to know each other very well and it seemed off-kilter that I should be keeping this person in whom I confided so much in the dark about the most important thing in my life, that is, my love for her.

Why do you want to tell her, if you know your chances are so slim? For the relief of getting it off your chest? What might it do to her, though? Me, I am thoroughly unoriginal in my choice of love objects. I fall for the same people everyone else is falling for. The friend I loved was used to unwanted attentions and to dorks nursing hopeless crushes on her because she was nice to them. I was someone she could trust not to do that. My love, though of course involuntary, felt like a kind of betrayal of that trust, much as you describe. It was kinder not to tell her about it. Telling her about it would also have cut off a lot of my access to her. So I kept my mouth shut.

You probably know how when in unrequited love you have moments of despair when you just want to get rid of the whole kit and kaboodle because it is, as you say, such a burden, and sometimes you do dumb things to get attention from the beloved, and sometimes you get a strong impulse to lean over and kiss them, and sometimes you get a strong impulse to tell them how you feel. Later you look back and you can see things more squarely and realise how you were making a massive deal over things the beloved hardly gave a second thought to. I know you realise that now and that it's part of the pain, but later you can look at it more coolly and put yourself more in the beloved's shoes.

I used to figure that years down the pike, sometime when I was over her and she was married with kids, I'd tell her I'd been in love with her for years. I may yet. But now that I am largely no longer in love with her, it doesn't seem important anymore. Also, there's still some sexual attraction there and she could figure that out if I joined up a few dots for her and that is a major spanner to throw into the works of a same-gender friendship in which lack of attraction has always been assumed. Which is not a problem you have, I suppose.

One thing to bear in mind always. The relationship code can be odd, and in my (entirely second- and third-, etc., hand experience) often dictates that people who break up stop seeing each other for a long time and never really hang out as close friends again. The friendship that you have with her is not everything that you want but it has much more staying power than the average romantic relationship. She breaks up with boyfriends and you're still around. I always saw that as the major upside to my situation.

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InLoveInPain
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Heather and Bump on a log you are both right.What tiny little hope I had died the other day when she got back with her boyfriend. I suppose it's best not to tell her. I'd have literally nothing to gain and everything to lose.

I guess my question now is, how in the world do I finally get over her?! How do I finally put these feelings to rest so we can just have our friendship?

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bump on a log
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Everyone's different. I found for a long time that even when I tried I simply could not get really into somebody else because I was in love with her, and then one day I just wasn't so in love any more.

What's the longest you ever spent away from her? Have you thought about scraping together some cash and taking a trip for a couple months to somewhere you've never been? I suggest this not because I think it is a cure-all but because I don't really know what else to suggest; it was distance over time that got me over my love.

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Saffron Raymie
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I agree with Bump on a log; space apart from the person in question is usually sound in helping us heal from hurt.

Do you think you can ask her for a little space so you can have the alone time to heal from something private?

[ 01-05-2012, 05:01 PM: Message edited by: Seashy Rae ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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InLoveInPain
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Hello everybody, I'm back. it's been almost 6 months since my last post in this thread. I hope bumping this is ok because I really felt the need to update.

I've been having a really rough time these past few months due to completely unrelated matters. I've been dealing with depression, paranoia, and anxiety. I'm going to start seeing a psychiatrist and taking anti-depressants. Again, this has almost nothing to do with that girl it's just something you need to know for the rest of what I'm about to say to make sense.

Anyway, to update on that situation, I decided there was absolutely no way I could ever say anything to her so I didn't. As mentioned in my last post in this thread, she got back with her boyfriend in January thus burying what teeny tiny little bit of hope I had. So, I decided to greatly limit my contact with her for the same reason alcoholics don't hang around in bars. I decided I would only have contact with her if she initiated that contact (ie. I wouldn't text or call her unless she texted or called me first). However, she had just moved back home so for the first time since high school we've been living very close to each other. We hang out once every couple weeks and sometimes more. She's always the one to call and set things up though.

Being that she's my best friend I've been telling her what a rough time I've been having. She always seems to have a way of making me feel better about myself. Earlier this week I was meeting her at a bar but arrived 15 minutes late. She was jokingly giving me crap for it until I snapped at her and said, "Shut the F__ up!" Most people would either snap back at me or just get very upset. Her response was simply to ask me what was wrong because, as she said, "you only get like that when you're really, REALLY hurting." I spilled a little bit then she hugged me and told me she loved me. You see how well she knows me. A couple months ago we met for lunch and she could tell I was feeling really down. The next day she, knowing that I'm a Redskins' fan, showed up at my house with an article about Robert Griffin III and her golden retriever for me to play fetch with (which she knows I absolutely love to do). You see what kind of friendship we have? My mom loves having her around because she notices how much happier I am when she's here.

That being said, my feelings for her aren't really gone. I mean, sometimes I feel ok and accept my role in her life. Other times I still desire more. I can never hang out with her when her boyfriend's around any more. That's gotten entirely too painful. Anyway, I don't know if I'm seeking advice or what at this point. I mean, it's blatantly obvious we'll never be more than friends but our friendship means SO much to me that there's no way in hell I could ever give it up. I think it's just something I'm going to have to learn to live with.

I guess that's about it. Again, I hope bumping this is ok.

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Saffron Raymie
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Welcome back, InLoveInPain; I'm sorry it's on such a sad note.

Were you ever able to ask her to give you the space needed to heal from all the pain you've experienced around this?

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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InLoveInPain
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To be honest I wasn't able to because keep in mind I'm hiding my feelings from her and there was simply no way I could ask for space without her asking why.

I've actually been doing a lot of thinking in the days since I last posted on this thread and I've come to some conclusions. The way I figure it, I've got 2 options. Walk away from her and hope that the distance helps me get over her or keep doing what I'm doing. Both options have their positives and negatives. The way I figure it, her being around is doing more for me positively right now than it is negatively. I mean, just read what I put in the 4th paragraph down in my previous post. I've noticed my feelings only seem to bother me when I'm with her and her boyfriend is also around. When it's just me and her or me, her, and other friends I'm fine. I guess what I'm saying is, right now being around her helping me more than she's hurting me.

Also, I'm looking to move out to Southern California and she said something about moving down to Miami at some point. This could all happen as soon as next year. Who knows what will happen once we live across the country from one another? I figure at that point I'll have plenty of time and space and I'll more than likely get over her just by default. This also means we only have so much time together as friends. I've noticed she's been sort of pointing that out lately which explains why she's been wanting to hang out more often. Anyway, that's what I'm thinking for now. I mean, I'm going through such a rough time. It would be rougher to go through it without my best friend. Plus, I really don't think I could handle the possibility of losing a friend.

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Robin Lee
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Hi InLoveInPain,

It sounds like you've come to some peace around this.

For what it's worth, I think weighing the positives and negatives of either choice is a sensible approach. And yes, sometimes we do just need a friend.

I hope you can continue to enjoy her friendship.

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Robin

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InLoveInPain
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For some reason, she more or less doesn't want to be friends anymore. at least that's how she's made it seem. She just seems to have had it with me. My eyes hurt from crying so hard! [Frown]

I can't believe this is happening! I never even did tell her how I really felt and she still wants to leave me. I thought I was coming to peace with her then this happens out of the blue. I've lost the greatest friend I've ever had. I thought my life was bad before. I have nothing to live for anymore so I've decided to take my own life. I promised I'd live through 2012 so earliest I can do so will be January 1st, 2013. If I can even make it that long. I know it sounds weird to be concerned about keeping a promise if I'm going to die anyway but I don't want to die with bad karma. However, I'm beyond the point of saving. I'm in so much pain right now and desperate to make it stop! Life is just not worth it anymore. Nothing can make smile anymore. Nothing can bring me joy.

I'm just sick of being a burden to people. I don't belong in this world. I'm just a weak link. If we were animals I'd have been cast out of the herd a long time ago and left to die.

I just need to pick a method, live as recklessly as possible on my way (who knows? if I do that, nature may take its course anyway) and decide how I want to go out and what I want to leave behind. I'm sorry, you all did what you could to help me. It's not your fault. I was destined to die anyway.

[ 07-08-2012, 10:15 AM: Message edited by: InLoveInPain ]

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Please don't. You are One Of A Kind, Unique, Valuable and Irreplaceable. Remember that - and remember this: The world would be much poorer without you. We would be very sad to see you go.

[ 07-08-2012, 08:35 AM: Message edited by: WesLuck ]

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copper86
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I definitely understand how you feel. I've had people I've cared for end friendships with me; and even if I didn't like them romantically, it hurt a lot. But, there were times when the person I liked didn't like me, and we had to put our friendship on hold while I healed. So, I wouldn't just assume that she will not come back as your friend again - try not to think of things that way. I've found that making new friends can sometimes help ease the pain of "losing" older ones - and sometimes, the new friends I make do a lot of good for my life.

I know I don't know you personally and we've never met, but please do not kill yourself. It sounds as if you have a lot going for yourself - you were going to move to a different state, you seem friendly and outgoing, and you obviously care for people deeply. I know how bad heartbreak is; and there were times when I thought I couldn't get through it and life is pointless, but I believe that everyone has a purpose on earth. Sometimes we just don't know what it is yet. You're such a nice person - don't give up! Try to surround yourself with people who love you. Also, I'm sure this girl is so important to you - I'm not trying to minimize your feelings for her at all - but if you do move states,for example, you might just meet someone else.

Please don't give up. You are special and needed!

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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Redskies
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InLoveInPain,

would you call a crisis or suicide hotline? We care very much and take it very seriously when any user expresses the feelings that you did above, and any internet board just isn't a place that can serve you best in that situation. We will absolutely continue to support you and talk with you, but in any potential crisis situation it's important that you have some kind of in-person help too. I'm sorry that I don't know what numbers to suggest to you, as I don't know what country you're in.

We can talk with you here about ways to feel better, ways to improve how you feel about yourself and your life - and I'd pretty much guarantee that those things are possible, even if they don't feel it right now - if you like, but it is important that you connect with some in-person support first.

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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InLoveInPain
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Honestly, it isn't just her. I've been wanting to die for a while. She was kinda keeping me alive. Now, I don't even have her. I have nothing to live for. Even my potential future doesn't seem worth living for.

I could give the suicide hotline a call. I've done it before. At this point, I really don't even know if I want to be talked off the ledge...

[ 07-08-2012, 10:21 AM: Message edited by: InLoveInPain ]

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Redskies
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Please do call them. You're posting about it here, which means that at least part of you Does want to talk about this. Here, we just don't have the specific expertise or training - or a method of direct communication - that's needed to serve you best. We can absolutely talk with you about everything else, if you like, once you've accessed in-person support.

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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InLoveInPain
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I called the hotline. The guy told me to give life a chance but didn't really tell me how to improve things. I said I'd see how these next 6 months go until my original planned date of January 1st, 2013. I'm safe for now as I won't do anything before then.

I guess now it's just time to start living it up. I might as well eat what I want, drink what I want, smoke what I want, and live however recklessly I want to at this point. Who knows? If I live these next 6 months like they're my last (which I fully intend for them to be) I may, ironically, start to enjoy life.

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Heather
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I'd say that if you are having suicidal thoughts to the level you expressed earlier, and where you are making plans for dates, or deciding to live as if death were coming soon, it's past time to get some serious, in-person help.

And, as a service and an organization both acting responsibly, and also recognizing our limits, we need to ask users expressing those kinds of thoughts to please seek that help out, rather than continuing to express them here, where not only are we not equipped to help well, but where this can also really impact our staff and community negatively.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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InLoveInPain
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I understand. I'll stop making posts like that.

I've been feeling this way for a while. She was my kick stand, the one thing I had holding me up. Now, that's been taken out from under me and I'm in more pain than ever.

[ 07-08-2012, 04:12 PM: Message edited by: InLoveInPain ]

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Heather
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And you can get connected with in-person help? You mentioned you were going to start seeing a therapist a few posts back: have you started that yet? If not, can you do anything to get started with that sooner rather than later?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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InLoveInPain
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Honestly, I need to decide if I even want to go through with that. It hardly seems worth it at this point. I don't think my life is worth saving and I feel like that person would just try to force me to stay alive against my will. I'd honestly welcome death as the alternative.

Sorry, I know I said I'd stop posting things like that but you asked so I had to give an honest answer.

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Heather
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Like I said, and you know, addressing suicidal thoughts simply isn't something we're at all equipped to do (and as the staff here also knows, as someone who has very painfully lived through the suicide of more than one person I loved, I'm also personally very ill-equipped to handle it myself).

That said, I certainly recognize the right -- though legally, it's not one -- of everyone to choose to continue their lives or not. However, given your posts here, it's clear you feel you have been in a crisis situation, and are addressing it here as one, so I'd strongly suggest you do so in a more effective way with qualified help. It might also help to recognize that given the issues you said you have been struggling with and the state you have been in, you're in a frame of mind where you likely are not equipped to be making your own best choices, and a choice not to live may well not be the kind you'd make if you were getting treatment and care for your depression, anxiety, paranoia and suicidal feelings, so.

Choosing to stay alive or not is pretty much the biggest choice we can make, so I'd assume it's one you'd want to make in sound mind.

[ 07-08-2012, 04:24 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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InLoveInPain
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Crisis situation and suicidal thoughts aside, does anyone have any idea how I should deal with this now? I mean, this is worse than a break-up. This is a break-up without the relationship. [Frown]

I'm not even sure why she's so annoyed with me or why she's done this to me. I just wish she could understand how much pain she's caused me...

I guess this may not for sure be the end of the friendship but it certainly feels like it. All this uncertainty just makes things so much worse...

[ 07-08-2012, 04:33 PM: Message edited by: InLoveInPain ]

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Heather
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Truly, when you're in the kind of state of mind you have been in, everything is going to be very, very amplified. And dealing with even small crises -- like say, running out of gas on your way to work vs. a big change in a valued relationship -- is much, much harder.

So, I think the very best way for you to handle all of this is to seek out help from a qualified therapist or counselor. I don't think until you're not dealing with all the mental health issues you have -- or, until you're managing them, at least, getting some start on that -- you're going to be able to deal with this well, or even assess what's actually going on adequately (which I'm not sure of myself, though it may also be that she's reached a limit handling the frame of mind you're in herself, something that can certainly just be too much for any friend to carry).

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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