My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years and we're very open with each other about fantasies, masturbation, etc.
My issue is that he has an extreme attraction to asian girls, and I am 100% white. Blonde, blue eyes, and pretty cute (if I do say so myself!)
All the porn he looks at is of asian girls and all his past crushes (and previous girlfriends have been asian).
I don't mind that he looks at porn or masturbates to asian girls, but it's the fact that there is absolutely no variety that worries me. Is he constantly wishing I was asian? He seems to be solely attracted to them when fantasizing, and I guess what I'm worried about is that he's not really that into me. I know he loves me, but still.
Am I being irrational? Can someone have a strong attraction to one type of person and still be with someone who is the opposite (so to speak)?
Posts: 23 | From: IL | Registered: Nov 2005
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That's a really, really tough question to answer.
But I can tell you something which might be helpful to you from a personal perspective.
A couple of years ago, I met the person who I was sure was -- and still am sure is -- pretty much the great love of my life. Now, while from an early age it's been pretty clear I was very solidly bisexual, over the years it became clear that emotionally and physically, I have very, very strong preferences per being with women.
And yet: my partner is male, which was not at all what I was expecting.
So, here he is, dating someone who he knows that, given her choice, would pretty much always choose women.
But you know, I'm strongly attracted to him, physically as well as emotionally. I don't want to be with anyone else, and I don't engage in a lot of fantasy about being with anyone else, either. Sparing some issues with people's heterosexism we run into (and the fact that I have to worry at all about pregnancy risks), I don't wish he was female rather than male. And I'm seriously into him: we live together, we make a life together, and lord knows, I have other options.
(FYI, before me, my partner was almost exclusively attracted to very tiny, dark-haired, dark-eyed women younger than he was, and I'm older than he, curvy and muscled and a freckly, fair-eyed greying redhead, so. )
Point is, there really aren't rules in who we're attracted to, and even the idea that any of us have "types" can be a bit iffy in certain scenarios. We love who we love, and we're often surprised by who that is. And it's often a lot more easy to "type" when we're new to dating and attraction -- it's pretty typical for our nets to widen as we mature as people.
But you know, you CAN also just ask him this: sounds like you could stand to hear the answer, and it's totally okay to ask about.
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