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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » My girlfriend flirts alot with other guys. *A problem?*

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Author Topic: My girlfriend flirts alot with other guys. *A problem?*
Member # 27707

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My girlfreind flirts with alot of guys in school. She hugs pokes, touches, ect. She says that flirting in a serius realationship isnt wrong. I feel horrible when i see her flirtting, it feels like my heart has just fell out and im lost. I know she flrits alot more that i dont see, because im not in any of her classes. It makes me want to break up with her instantly, then i think for a while and calm down. Ive confronted her several times in the past 9 months we've been going out, but she says its not wrong, and i need to change.
Do i need to let her flirt and not care?
What is your opinion on flritting?

Ps. She cheated on me 2 years ago, maybe thats why i care so much, becuase i think she might do it again.

Posts: 4 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Well, if you don't mind me saying so, it looks like this may just be the end of the line for this relationship.

You have told your girlfriend how you feel about her flirting and she has written it off. She's not okay with changing what she does for you- and that is her perogative. You, as well, seem that you aren't comfortable with the situation, especially because of a damage to your trust in the past, and there's no reason you need to force yourself to put up with something if you really aren't okay with it. So, it seems that you really have reached a standing point, here, and there probably isn't much more you can do about it since you have already talked to her about it.

And to be honest, while some casual flirting I think is okay, as long as that trust between partners is established, in this situation it seems really obvious that she is certainly not being very curteous of your feelings and there has already been a trust issue in your relationship and there is still currently one.

So really, hon, it seems like it may be in your best interests to not continue with this anymore, as it doesn't seem like you're being fair to yourself or her, and her to herself or you. Alright?

aka dailicious
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Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 28297

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88 i feel sorry about your situation, shes so mean to you! most girls feel bad if their bf catches them flirting but she doesnt care at all. to me thats super wrong. has she ever seemed upset if youve shown interest in another girl (if you ever have)? [Frown]
Posts: 18 | From: miami | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 28352

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heres the thing (from a girls perspective) some girls like to flirt with guys. it comes natural to them, and i kno that this might sound weird, but its true. girls in my class who have bf's flirt alot. i kno this might sound completely rediculos, but she might be trying to make sure that u r paying attention to her. for some odd reason, not saying that u rn't. try asking her if it would be alright if u flirted with other girls to find out if she would be ok if u did it. sry about the problem.
Posts: 2 | From: Washington | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I think that you're being a bit over-general here. The very idea of flirting is a cultural one, it's not something that comes "natural" to anybody, and both men and women flirt (although they might be expected to do different things to signal "flirting"). Some people are more comfortable flirting than others, and it means different things to different people.

It sounds like you and your girlfriend place a different value on the idea of flirting, and that this difference in values is stopping your relationship from working. I agree with Dailicious that it's probably best to end the relationship, since your partner hasn't been very receptive to attempts to reconcile your values.

Posts: 2710 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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