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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » No best friend...

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Author Topic: No best friend...
light_faerie
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I don't know why this has been bothering me lately, but it has. I have many friends--very good and wonderful friends--but I don't really have a "best friend." My two closest friends each have a best friend, but I don't. I always thought one of those friends, *M, was my best friend but she's been getting close to this one girl *G and dosen't seem to have time for me anymore. My other closest friend, *B, has a best friend who is very protective I guess you could say about her and dosen't like it when *B and I hang out. She gets jealous or something...I don't really understand it but whatever. I'm just feeling a little down now-a-days because my old "best friend" dumped me (ha, I guess I could say that) for that other girl *G. I feel really alone sometimes because I don't have that one special friend I do everything with. Sure I have my boyfriend, but he has his own best friend too. Maybe this is just a rant, but I just feel very left out and alone. Does anyone else feel like this? Do people really need a "special" friend, their best friend? What should I do about the situation with my old best friend *M?

Any advice appreciated.

~light_faerie


Posts: 67 | From: Somewhere over the rainbow... | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
confused333
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I used to have a best friend, but when we hit 10th grade we never talked or anything. I almost think that it was a good thing because she always used to put me down to make herself feel better and talk behind my back. So actually I thought she was my best friend, but best friend wouldn't do that.

And about *M, why don't you call her and make plans with her sometime. If she says she is busy, ask her when she isn't. I mean the girl can't be busy all the time!

I think it is good to have a best friend, but not necessary. Don't sweat it too much.

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Why does a rose represent love, when a rose always dies??

Friends are like condoms, they help out when things get hard.


Posts: 473 | From: Virginia | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CherryLips
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Hey! I recently got in a small fight with my "best friend" but we had been growing apart. I kind of centered myself in her group and I became part of the group too. She has her own problems and very selfish ones too, so we decided not to be best friends. It was a good decision. But right now I don't really have a best friend, and as much as it feels boring and lonely sometimes (my boyfriend's at camp all summer and now people are saying he's cheating on me - that group is all drama just so you know they like eat drama for breakfast - but we decided to date other people if we met any this summer - I didn't) but there are also new opportunities opening up for me. One of my old really good friends and I are becoming close again and there are some other people that are more popular and fun like me (my old group was boring and dull) and I am expanding my horizons. I am getting into sports and am so much happier. So look for some other friends, you can never have to many. I hope I helped

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." Ghandi (go to goodquotes.com - they have awesome celeb quotes and stuff if your into quoting! blah )

ttyl

CherryLips
- big red kisses <3 <3 -


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PurpleVanno
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I don't really have a "best friend" either. I used to, but as we entered high school, we sort of went our seperate ways. I have many very close friends though and I know that they will always be there for me. The important thing isn't havning a best-friend...it's just having people that you can trust and count on.

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*Purple*Vanno*


Posts: 3 | From: Pennsylvania, USA | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Olive
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I met my "best friend," of 15 years, when i was about 6 months.i dont see her much because she lives with her boyfriend in a different city. I now see her about once or twice a week.

I've never had anyone so close to me as a friend that i could tell them anything. My friends brake up into three different groups: good friends, school friends, and online friends. None of them are who i can tell my secrets too. Not even my friend of 15 years. So NO your not alone. But it is also what your definition of a true "best friend" would be. I dont think I have one, either.

[This message has been edited by Olive (edited 08-02-2002).]


Posts: 338 | From: Livermore, CA | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
~jess~
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i dont really have a best friend, i actually have two. One is a girl who ive known for a long time, we've grown apart then i also have a male best friend. Hes only been my close friend for a few months but friends do tend to grow apart.

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my world


Posts: 278 | From: Oregon | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sunshine_1ofakind
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I am kind of in the same boat with you. I have plenty of friends, but really no one that I can call my best friend. It bothered me for a while and then I realized why have just one really close friend when you can be close to all your friends.
Posts: 61 | From: Mayfield, Ky | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
littlemissiowa
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I am with you guys!

I thought my boyfriend was my best friend cause we live together and spend lots of time together and have been dating for a year and a half now but he says his best friends are his 2 guys friends. I am crushed and I feel I have been fooled into spending time with him when I should have been devoting it to my REAL friends- my lady friends that I have known forever.

Actually, maybe my mom is my best friend. I don't know what I would do without that lady!!!

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libertatissacra
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I don't really have a best friend, either.

I've had people who I considered to be "best friends" for a while, but eventually just kind of gave up giving people that distinction. I have a few friends who I'm pretty close to, but not really one who I can always tell everything and spend time with constantly.

The last friend I had who was sort of like that I had a pretty big falling out with about a year ago. I just came to the realisation that she didn't make me feel good about myself, she wasn't a nice person, and did too many things that really pissed me off (like going from labeling herself "bi-curious" to outright hating homosexuals just because she lost her virginity and somehow thought that the existence of gay men meant that there were less males in the world she could sleep with *eyeroll*), so I finally told her to eff off.

In some regards, my boyfriend is kind of my best friend, just given that I spend the most time with him these days (mostly because he's currently staying with me and I moved away from my home town less than a year ago, so most of my good friends live about 300 miles away right now) and I feel like I can always go to him if I need a shoulder to cry on, but we've only been dating for four months, and haven't known each other much longer than the time we've been dating, so we're still getting to know each other in some sense.

Sometimes I sort of wish I had one of those really close friendships with someone that you see in movies and stuff, but eh. I've got a good few close friends and a great boyfriend. Between all of them, at least one (and often more) are always there when I need someone to fill that stereotypical "best friend" role, so I try not to let it get me down. I'm lucky to have the friends I have.

I don't know. I guess most people kind of want that movie-perfect best friend, but just because you don't have that exactly doesn't mean that you're not very lucky with the friends you do have.

People grow apart. It happens. Maybe you're just kind of in transition right now as far as the whole friend thing goes. Maybe you'll meet someone new to fill that best friend role. Or, maybe you'll decide that you don't really need that figure in your life.

Anyway, I can empathise, though I don't really have any great advice beyond just trying to remember how lucky you are to have the friends you do have, even if none of them are really "best" friends.

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"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between."
-Oscar Wilde

Posts: 115 | From: San Francisco, CA | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PenguinBoy
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It seems this is something that worries a lot of people... I spent most of my time at school without any friends until the later years. I had a couple of chums who were eachother's "best friends" so I just felt like a third leg... but as time has gone on I feel like I've benefited from being a serial outsider.

I've been a nomad to various friendship groups and it has been really good for making me open minded. In upper school I used to formally divide my time, spend 10 minutes with one group, then 10 minutes with another...

I always wanted a centralized group of friends, everyone I could see had. That's how people always used to talk about their childhoods. But i never felt comfortable in the dynamics with in them and now, I know what I prefer is the 1 on 1 friendships I get from having many separate friends... There's loads of people who don't like eachother, who don't know eachother, who all have their own groups of friends, and may not always have time with me but who I love to spend time with.

There are many different kinds of friendships. And most of them are as individual as the people in them and aren't on linear scales that can be rated as "best" or lesser.

There's something very "quasi-relationship"ish about best friends... it's kinda meant to be monogomous... It contains the part of a relationship where we need to know someone is commited to us to believe that we are "good enough".

But the truth is just like with normal relationships, it doesn't always make any difference to rely on someone else to make us feel like that... and as always you don't NEED anyone else to be a great person.

You can do that on your own by working for what you believe in, friends are just people who you enjoying spending time with and that's something any sort of friend can do.

[ 02-08-2008, 08:25 PM: Message edited by: PenguinBoy ]

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Posts: 633 | From: Bedfordshire, UK | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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