Did you have a party? Dinner with your mom? Did you have time for yourself? Was there any sort of recognition for what happened, or did it feel like it was ignored? Are there any traditions in your family around first menses? Did you have the information you needed before it happened to be prepared?

What would you (or will you) have *liked* to have happened? Would a "Period Party" be great, or would that feel too invasive for you?

(We're readying for an article on this, so yes, I'm fishing)

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

em

------------------
Tout est au mieux dans la meilleure des mondes possibles

Ah yes, my 1st period. It happened one week after the video we had to watch. So I knew what was happening.

I came home from school and noticed blood when I was using the restroom. I giggle to myself but did nothing. I went through the rest of the evening not saying a thing to my mom about it. I spotted alitte on my jeans and thought I was soooo cool. Then when I was getting ready for bed and took my jeans to my mom and showed her the stain. She gave me a big huge and told me what to do and what to use. I went to sleep.

The next day, my mom, my grandma, my sister, and I went to dinner. We didn't mention it thou but my sister did tell me I could order my own food now because I was a woman.

I was happy I started on a monday because I thought I would miss a week of school. Wrong! It was horriable. I leaked everyday. I had an accident almost everytime I started my period. I hated it. But I did get better and know I have no problems with it except those awful cramps.

Personally, I was very well prepared, so it really didn't phase me that much that my period had started. And what would I have liked to have happen? Well, unfortunately that whole "dancing sky-clad under a full moon" thing isn't really that popular anymore...but I always thought that would be a really cool tribute to entering a new phase in your life where your body is prepared to bear children.

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Am I nervous? Am I scared? Is it worth it? Should I even care? ...Man I like this guy, I really like him alot!"
~Pam Tillis, 'Please'

Then I went home, got out a pad, and watched Pokemon. And I don't think I'd change a thing.

------------------
Sin by thy lips? Oh trespass sweetly urged, give me my sin again!

I was in school, and I went to the bathroom and noticed a bit of blood. I kind of ignored it til I got home, then stole one of my mother's pads. I did this for a couple of days, then I told her. I was sort of uncomfortable telling her, though I can't remember why. We didn't really celebrate, she just gave me a hug after I begged her not to tell daddy, lol.

i, amongst most of my friends, got it in fourth grade...we were just sort of...racing to see who would get it first. hehe...maria had gotten it when we were in 2nd...which was really early..then christina..then amanda...and me a few days after amanda...then brie...hehe...we all had eachother which was a good thing...we were all really educated on it! "oooo i can't waiiit to get mine!"

-justine

And periods were not discussed between us until almost 6 years later, when we found out I wouldn't be having any more for a while.

------------------
I have a hideous, hideous secret...
you see, when the full moon shines, I undergo terrifying changes... My skin gets hard and stiff... shingles grow on top of my head... I turn into... a house.

Strangely enough, I was incredibly shocked- I had known about menstruation for as long as I could remember- my mother didn't try to keep it a secret- and I'd known for a while that it would happen soon- my mother had told me about a year prior to that that she thought it would be any day. But when it actually happened, it was like a kick in the stomach.

In my family we basically pretended that anything to do with maturing, sexuality, religion...pretty much anything controversial pretty much didn't exist, so I felt like mom might get mad at me for being 'uppity' or something so I never told her. I learned to make toilet paper work for me, but it wouldn't stay in place when I had to move a lot so I kept blood-stained underwear to wear during my period so I wasn't constantly ruining other pairs. Had to hand-wash them myself when no one was home.

Until they ran out and I had to tell her. She was very matter of fact about it and she congratulated me.

So no big hoo ha about it. Although my Indian friend said that when indian girls get their periods, there is some kind of party where they must drink a raw egg or something.

In all, I wish my mom wouldn't have been so self-conscious about it all, she was (and still is) really uncomfy with my *sexuality* (in the widest sense of the word) and when I got a lot of period trouble, I never ever dared to ask her whether I couldn't go to the doc. I was secretive about my period, because she was, too - I even bought all my supplies myself from my second period on.

In general, I think I would have enjoyed a little celebration. Some more openess and all would have been lovely. At Gladrags (I think it's there) they have really cool Period Packs for young girls, with reusable pads and natural tampons and a book on periods, and I would have really liked that sort of a pressie, to value my first period. I think when I have a daughter, I'd like to have a little celebration, if she's comfortable with it (which I hope she would be, because I hope I can raise any daughter I might have to be in tune with her body and her femaleness).

Dancing under the moon surely sounds fab.

I'm a rather secretive gal, and I hid my period from my mom for a long time. About 3/4 of a year! During my long denial, I used makeshift reusable pads the occasional swiped pad of my mom's and... toilet paper... I was too cheap to buy my own, and I couldn't have my pads in the garbage where she'd see them! I hid my stained underwear in a box and snuck out to the curb to put them in the garbage before the truck came. As you can see, it was quite an intricate deception.

Eh, no.

I got mine when I was thirteen and was in science class. All of a sudden my tummy cramped up and I was so sore. So I rushed to the bathroom and found out what was going on and basically started cursing the world for crappy timing. Luckily one of my friends had seen me bolt and came to check up on me to see that I was okay. She was also "prepared" and provided me with the necessary utensils.

When I got home I tried to reflect on the experience, but nothing had changed and I was still as dorky and naive as I used to be.

Ah, puberty!

------------------
Smile, though your heart is breaking....

So when I was 14 I went to the bathroom one day and saw blood all over my underwear. I screamed for my mom and said, "Tell me this isn't what I think it is!" She gave me a little smile and said "Yup. It is." and went to get me a pad.

So she didn't make a big deal out of it or anything, just told me a few tiops for using tampons and we left it at that. Even now, we never talk about it, except she askes me every month if I've gotten it.

Oh well, it wasn't overly traumatic, and it certainly isn't one of my fav things, but it could have been worse!

In general, the first time I ever heard about menstruation I didn’t want to believe that all women were bleeding every month for a big chunk of their lives! And when I started to menstruate, I never ever realized that not only my mom but almost every woman in the world menstruates (or has menstruated) and that it’s perfectly normal and definitely nothing to be ashamed about. – And that my mom would hence probably understand my worries, having been through the same.
I was very secretive about all other things puberty did to me, too. In general, I must say that I was really insecure about everything surrounding my body back then – I was just so awkward. – I never dared to ask my mom to get me bras either (I bought them myself instead) or whether that pubic hair growth was normal or whatever, so it wasn’t only periods. We never discussed birth control or really discussed my choice of partners. Or anything that marked I was growing up.

When my period went wacky (well, it was always wacky, rather when I realized it wasn’t supposed to be like that), I would have wished I could talk about it all with her. Trouble was, when I finally went to the doc (without her knowing and mainly to get the pill) and got the diagnosis of several large ovarian cysts (even though that later turned out to be a misdiagnosis) I not only had to tell her that I had been to the doc and had wanted the pill, but also that I would definitely need an op soon and that I had been having trouble for years. Talk about bad surprises. Thing was, I was also worried that if I’d mention period probs, she would recommend to go to her gyno, who is…..our next door neighbour. Which was a horrible prospect for me at 15/16/17! (He still wouldn’t be the gyno of my choice, but that’s another story, really).

These days, my period (even though I don’t have a period but the pill induced *withdrawal bleed* *lol*) is just something about my body that I have accepted and that is part of my womanhood. It’s not icky, it’s not strange, it’s not weird. It doesn’t interfere with my life (unless I have a particularly crampy month) or sex life much at all. I am rather pragmatic about it, and all my partners never had trouble with my period (and me on my period) either.
And to make up for all that annoying secretiveness in my teens, I am now super open about it – why hide the tampon boxes or my pill in the bathroom when someone comes over (I know people who do that!)? Why not tell a friend the real reason you haven’t slept very well last night? These days, when I’m crabby because of cramps, I definitely make a point in letting good friends know why. *lol*

So I came out of the bathroom and my mom gives me a big ol' huggies and she said Im sorry but I have to go to work, she said if she didnt have to she would have stayed home and we would have talked all day and ate a lot. It was nothing big, a little before my mom went to work my dad called and mom told my dad I got my period.

Nothing spectacular. But I will never forget what happend.

------------------
*~*~12/3/99*~*
*~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~

I just came this close to hyperventilating.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

But I was also embarrassed about her seeing my artwork, writing, music-- anything. I'm just very private around her. I hid the nature of my relationship with my boyfriend from her for quite a while, too, and I still want her to think that all we do is hug.

I think it has something to do with my desire to be the perfect daughter. In my eyes, a perfect daughter was one who didn't grow up too fast. One who didn't drink or smoke or wear makeup or think much about boys-- or girls. One who got good marks and was talented (though I could never show her my work, for fear it was less than she expected of me).

This makes my mom sound so old-fashioned. Actually, she's pretty cool. So these expectations were coming from myself, or somewhere else, not her.

And that's my self-analysis of the night

It starts like this:

Heather Life Lesson #465: When you want to get your first period, wear white jeans and finally get to talk to the boy at school you have an incredible crush on.

I was 11, I was wearing a rare pair of white pants that were actually new, not the usual hand-me-downs from my aunt. It was after school, and I had FINALLY gotten the attention of the boy in school I liked the most (the epilogue on that later).

In the middle of this conversation where I was already nervous as heck and sweating buckets, I was laughing at a joke he made (that probably wasn't even very funny) and bent over in laughter only to notice that right down the leg of my white jeans was an incredibly large red stain.

I very quickly stood up, and moved my schoolbooks in front of my crotch and tried to regain my already barely-there composure. I spied the girls bathroom from the corner of my eye down the hall, and plotted my coordinates very intricately. Seeing my course of action, I slyly attempted to move the conversation down the hall by walking, making sure I kept his eyes on my face by incessantly talking. When I finally hit the bathroom, I said I had to go and flipped around fast and pushed it open with my butt so he wouldn't see.

I then proceeded to die of embarassment in private and had the fine pleasure of jimmying the old pad machine in the bathroom which contained the sort with the elastic belt (which my mother also favored). I did the darn thing as best I could, lopped a sweater around my hips, then climbed out the window and ran all the way home.

I kid you not. When I got home, I told my mother about it (we had had the discussion about what to expect about six months before) and it was pretty much a non-issue with no fanfare. I did call my dad a few weeks later, and he was a real peach about it.

I also had to explain to the boy the next day that I just HAD to see if I could actually get out of school from the bathroom window, because gym class just got really trying at times, and I wanted to be sure that if it ever got really unbearable, I could indeed escape. I don't know if he bought it, but I felt I was convincing.

The epliogue goes like this: I did actually date that boy as my first "real" boyfriend for a coupe, years after that until he moved. And to my knowledge, he never knew what happened that day. HOWEVER, over ten years later, after losing touch, he moved back to my city and had a swanky government legal job and tracked me down and asked me to dinner.

I accepted, and we had a really fun evening until he decided to try and drink me under the table and was the one who ended up on the floor. I had to drive him to my place in his car, and after attempting very clumsily to go where one could not go with one's junior high girlfriend (who was no longer interested, thank you), he passed out on my couch.

For two days. Solid. Gone.

I had to drag him out (and he was six feet tall, and I'm 5'3) to his car and just leave him there eventually. A day later, his car was gone, and he called in a very humble apology a week later. And while it might have been nice to have had an -- ahem -- more dignified summation of the whole affair, I did feel a bit vindicated in the embarassment department.

We were pretty even anyway.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein

Winnie :0)

------------------
Keeper of:
Scully's bra (EA)
Mulders Wheelchair (SE)
Scene where S tells Sk she's pregnant. (Req)
Scully's green suede jacket (Unn)

And Winnie, yes, very sympbolic! Good timing, girly!

The funniest of all first period stories comes from my best friend, btw. When she first got her period, her mom (biology teacher) recommended she should try tampons straight away (non applicator, I might add, which most tampons over here are). So she tried that. Which probably wasn't the best idea, because her flow was still very very very light. And the tampon got stuck half way. Halfway in, I mean. And it simply didn't want to move. Neither further in or further out. In no direction. And all those of us who know how *poky* a tampon can get when it's not inserted properly and when it's too dry will, understand that that wasn't the most pleasureable thing in the world.
So my friend, 12 years old, panicky and alone in the bathroom screamed for her mom, who then screamed for the dad (who's a doc).

They decided the best way to get the stuck tampon out of the girl was to have her sit in the bathtub to let the tampon soak full with water. So she sat in the tub, under the supervision of her rents, who discussed what to do if he tampon didn't come out.
It soaked full though and was then easily removed. But it took my friend a few months before she dared to go the tampon road again.
Just imagining her sitting in the tub, her parents around, discussing what to do, cracks me up, completely. Even though I feel sorry, to.

In all, she wasn't traumatized though, in fact she laughs hysterically when she tells someone this story these days.

I was REALLY self-concious about it in the beginning. I didn't even tell my best friend for like 3 months, because I felt wierd. And at school I wouldn't change my pad unless there was no one else in the bathroom. But now I just like talk about it freely and change my pad when all the stall sin the bathroom are full. I figure, hey, everyone's got to have it someday. But I'm still the only one of my friends who have it and I'm almost 14.

I think I was about 14. It was pretty embarrassing because when it started I was out with my dad, and we were wandering around in a computer store taking our time and I thought, "Did I just feel a drip? Great. It'd be really nice luck for me to GET MY PERIOD while I'm WITH MY FATHER and I won't be home till 9 PM or something."

But I thought, "Why would it start randomly like that? Come on, I've been waiting for this for six years already, it probably isn't actually here." But oh, it was. Man, it was really heavy, and when I got home I went straight into the bathroom, waited till I heard my dad leave, and then had this dilemma: it's really late, my stepdad's home already, and here I am getting ready to check for my period. Great.

So I just bit the bullet and sat down on the toilet and my underwear was BLACK. I have really heavy periods when I am not on the pill, so now I'm used to it, but at the time it was like, "Oh boy, not only do I have this horrible thing, but it looks like I crapped my pants, I've ruined my jeans, AND it's obviously making up for lost time! God, I hate this!" So I literally started to scream, "OH MY GOD NOOOOOOOOO!" and then my poor little brother (4) came running downstairs and asked me if I was okay and I said, "Get mom, okay? DON'T COME IN HERE," (because my little brother has this bad barging-in problem...) and he was like, "Okay, okay," and called my mom and my stepdad was all, "What's going on?" and then my little brother said, "Erin wants me to go get Mom and we're not supposed to go in there," so my stepdad was like, "What the hell? Ohhhh. Wow. Okay, I think you better go get Mom." So he did. While I'm gritting my teeth at my bad fortune.

So my mom came in and I was like, "Look at it, oh my GOD." and my mom was like, "Yeah? You're surprised? Welcome to being a woman, you get to deal with this all the time now." And I was like, "But it sucks!" and she said, "Yeah, it does. Too bad." I was pretty pissed off, and only after telling me THAT she said, "But, wow, you've become a WOMAN." I was like, "Yeah, so what, it's horrible," and I was really stressed out. She agreed with me and said it was pretty overrateed and got me some pads. And of course only then did I realize I had cramps bad enough that I was leaning over to ease them. Whee!

My little sister got her period one weekend when I was home from college, and my mom kept saying, "Do you want to tell Erin the good news?" and she said, "NO!" But of course I could tell because my sis was stealing all my pads and leaving the wrappers everywhere on the floor! I've been considering sending her some reusables for a while now...

Winnie :0)

------------------
Keeper of:
Scully's bra (EA)
Mulders Wheelchair (SE)
Scene where S tells Sk she's pregnant. (Req)
Scully's green suede jacket (Unn)

I would have rather told her right away, but i wouldn't have wanted a big fuss over it. I don't have a sister, just 2 brothers, and i think it would have been too weird.

One of my best friends always called it that (sadly, we've fallen out of touch), and I adopted that name for it until I realized that she and I were the only ones using that term, and apparently no one can make the Flo[w] connection. But at last, I am not alone!

Calling it "that monthly female thing" was getting annoying...

My funniest period story comes from my mum. It's abuot the time she first tried to use a tampon. She told it to me before she taught me to put in a tampon. She was so nervous when she tried that she held her breath and passed out. She told me that the most important thing was to remember to breathe and to relax!

But anywayz, I'd just got off the computer, it was around five, my dad was in the garden and I decided to have a shower...I'd read about the reproductive system, learnt it, and about periods, but nothing prepared for the shock I saw when I was undressing....

My first thought was: "Oh hell, I'm sick. I've got cancer!" And then I started running around the house, holding my undies in the air with one hand, and holding a towel around me with another, screaming, "Dad! Dad! Dad!"

I ran into the garden, crying, in full view of the neighbours (and I live in a neighbourhood which is pretty conservative - to an extent) and yelled, "Dad! Get me to a doctor! I got cancer!" and I shoved the bloody undies in his face.

And then he smiled and said, "Don't panic. You've just had your period."

Looking back, I wonder why I didn't come to the conclusion I was sick instead of the one that I had had my period...I knew it'd happen soon...gosh, that was a very embarassing way to become a woman

------------------
*Read my diary

*Read my page

Remember, everyones period is different. Also, your cycle will change every 5-7 years or so (I think, don't quote me on that lol) so maybe in a few years, you WILL bleed at night.

I got it when I was 11 (and a half). I knew what was going on, and I knew I'd want to remember the date, so I wrote it down (I still have the notebook it's written in at home, which is good, 'cause I don't remember the date, just that it was mid-summer the year I was eleven). I never had more than mild cramps, so that wasn't a problem. I thought of it as a mild inconvenience...and an embarassment. I was another 'hider.' And the funny thing is, my mom and I have always been really close, and she'd read me the "What's Happening To My Body? Book for Girls" in full the year before, but I just wasn't comfortable telling her. Or anyone. I didn't want my little brother to tease me. I "borrowed" materials from my mom's bathroom and used toiletpaper and hid my underwear and only threw things out when I could tie them up in a bag and sneak them out to the big trashcan just before the garbage was going to go out. Mom only found out about 7 months later.

Mom was really hurt that I didn't tell her. I think it's still a disappointment for her. I wish I could go back and do it over. *starts tearing up*

Anyway... Personally, I think it was mostly because I didn't feel ready to be growing up, not at all, and I didn't want to accept it. That's also why I never started shaving or wearing a bra... I sure wasn't about to bring it up, and when my parents suggested them, I turned bright red and said I wasn't interested. Shaving was dropped, but the bra thing actually became an issue. My parents said that I really needed to wear a bra. They went so far as to ask my best friend's mom to take us to the mall so I could get a bra. My Auntie Jessica came over to visit and told me how my breasts would end up drooping down to my waist if I didn't wear a bra (doesn't that mostly happen only if you don't wear a bra when you're *nursing*?). It was so weird. These people all used to be hippies, you understand! It's one of the ONLY times I can ever remember my family pressuring me to be normal. My mom even said that if I didn't wear a bra to cover up my nipples that guys would think that I was "trying to tell them something." WTF! Anyway, the end result was that by the time I would have been comfortable with going shopping for a bar (when I was 12 or 13) I didn't want to look like I was giving in to everybody telling me what to do.

Now I just find them uncomfortable. AFAIC, they're only fit for dressing up and off-road biking.

But back to menstruation. I guess if me-now were to design an ideal menarche, it'd be something like this. Mom and I would have discussed it, not just in general, or what happened to other people, or what happened to her, like we did, but what I would do and should say and what she would do. And the other thing I wish I'd had was...stuff! A variety of different kinds of flow-catching devices to try. Information and equiptment for fertility charting (I'd probably have started when I was 13 or 14 if I'd known about it. Freak that I am.). Maybe a charming book or two...

My mom did give me, after a few months had passed, an article that she'd clipped many years before and discovered in the basement. It was a story in some magazine: "Snow White and the Seven Menstrual Dwarves." I might even still have it. It was pretty funny. Snow's mom asks the magic mirror if Snow is becoming womanly, and finally one day the mirror says yes... a maiden/mother/crone woman-figure (Grandmother Moon?) comes and talks to the mother about the new stage of life *she's* entering as she reaches menopause and her baby's reaching maturity, and Snow herself is visited by the seven dwarves... The had names like sleepy, creative, bitchy, crampy... and the last one was paraphenelia who brought pads and belts and things. Snow was rather distraught, but the dwarves explained what she was in for and that it was normal and that it was perfectly reasonable to take some time off during her "moon time." It was pretty cool...

My mother came from a foreign country and her mother wasn't properly educated about menstruation, so my mom had to go through her first years post-menarche thinking that her period was an awful, shameful thing. After her unlucky experiences concerning the onset of puberty, she made sure that I would never lack correct information in that department. She was casual and helpful, but we definitely didn't consider celebrating--I don't think I would have enjoyed that.

At one point, and this is pretty gross, I had to go to a pool party while I was having my period. My Mom made a really big deal about my using tampons and even called the party to see if I was ok. When I took the tampon out, I didn't know what to do with it, so I wrapped it in toilet paper just as I would a pad and put it in the garbage. Well, the rest of the people at the party found out about that and they all took a field trip to the bathroom to look at it!

The bad news was that I was on a swim team and I had a BIG meet that night. I couldn't miss it for ANYTHING, not even my period. So my mom had to run out and get tampons. I thought they were totally disgusting, but I didn't have a choice. Anyways I got first place in 2 of my races, so I did good inspite of everything.

PS my mom took my out for dinner after the meet to celebrate my victory and of course the fact that I had become a woman.

Anyway, I got my period when I was a little over 10 years old -- a few months after I had the menstruation talk with my mom. I was at a skating party in August, and really had to go to the bathroom bad. Mom took me home, and when I sat down on the toilet I noticed a lot of blood on my underwear. I called for Mom, and she brought me fresh underwear and taught me how to put on pads.

I cried a little bit after that -- I don't know why, I guess it was just a little emotional for me, being that young and starting to menstruate already. I had been told by my school nurse -- paragon of intelligence that she was *grin* -- that I probably wouldn't get my period until I was 13.

But all in all, I was pretty glad with how my first period turned out. My mom was awesome to me and didn't give me some "now you're a woman, so grow up" speech like some other parents I know. She did warn me about cramps and PMS though -- boy, was she right!

But don't think I hate my period -- I used to, but now I've sort of grown to accept it as a part of me. It's one of the few *completely* feminine things about me, which can be kind of secret and exciting once you think about it.

Take care,